Question:
Does anyone have a fear of being thin before having surgery?
OK I searched and I have not seen this question, and it is something that is weighing heavily on my mind. Did/Does anyone have a fear of being thin !? You can read all this in my profile but, I have been fat all my life, and by that I mean since I was 5-6 I have been dramatically bigger then everyone around me. Being fat is all I know. It is as much a part of me as anything has ever been and I have no idea HOW to be thin. It scares me. I have spent most of my 20's accepting who I am and FINALLY, at 29 and 584 pounds, after a life of being fat I can look at myself in the mirror and say that I like who I am at any size. I would not be even considering the surgery if it weren't for two things. One is that I am tired of the pain. As many of you know...being fat (especially this fat) is a daily struggle of pain. I have pack pain and leg pain and etc. and frankly I am tired of it. The other reason is that my step-father just died. He was a large man as well and I saw what years of being fat did to him. I look in my mothers eyes and I see her concern. I look at myself and see the same problems he was having and think that I could easily be where he was. I don't want to be. I am not ready to be thinking about death at 29, but I wonder if I will loose who I am if I am thin. Maybe it is just that I am afraid that I will have to re-start my life again. I worked hard on this one and I hate to have to start over. Maybe it is just my own paranoia, but I would like to know if anyone had/has these feelings too. — Paul S. (posted on August 7, 2000)
August 6, 2000
Hey Paul--I am a little afraid of being thin. I too, have been heavy my
whole life, and don't really know how to be a thin person. I wonder how I
will handle all the changes?? Then another part of me is very excited. I
will be treated normal!!!! For once in my life, I may experience what it
will be like to be a normal person, and even better, I won't be taking it
for granted. I actually am going to see how well I do after surgery,
handleing the changes, and if I really feel that I am having a problem
adjusting, I plan to see counseling from a therapist, maybe one who
specializes in this or in eating disorders/body images, etc. Maybe you
should think about doing the same, and I wish you luck.
— enjo4
August 6, 2000
WOW! I didn't think anyone felt this way but me. I am TERRIFIED of being
thin. There has never been one day in my life where I've been normal ..
not even thin, just normal. My fears border on how I will react to certain
situations, how other people will perceive me and my life-changing decision
to have wls, how I will look when I see myself in a mirror, etc. My fear
is that I will weigh 135 and still see 305 when I look in the mirror. My
fear is that maybe my weight loss will stop and I'll still be fat. My fear
is that I'll fail. BUT, I try to stem those fears by building confidence
in myself that I've never had before. I try to look in the mirror every
day and tell myself that I am a good person and thin or fat, I love myself.
I tell myself I made this decision for ME and no one else. I tell myself
I will love the NEW ME and that I'm worth all this. Sometimes it works ..
sometimes not. I'm working day by day on it working more and more until
eventually I love who I see in the mirror and I'm happy with that person
inside and out. Stay strong and believe in yourself!
— Sonya H.
August 7, 2000
Paul, I think it's great that you like yourself no matter what. I like
myself too despite being obese. I know I am a good person and I have a
great sense of humor. But I am so scared I won't live to see my kids
graduate High School or get married. I want to live to graduate from
college. I want to be thin enough (healthy enough) to pursue my career
aspirations. I want to hike and camp and jog and do all the things I can't
do right now. I want to climb a flight of stairs without huffing like I
just ran a marathon. I want to be able to turn a cartwheel. Yes, there
is part of me that is a little frightened. Honestly, for me I think it's
because I will no longer have excuses not to do the things I really want to
do. Will I be brave enough to pursue those dreams? I really hope so. I
think my weight keeps me safe in some ways too. Safe from emotional
attachments. Safe from the opposite sex. Does that sound weird? Maybe it
is. But I think the brave part of me can overcome the fearful part of me.
I'm glad you like who you are. To me, that means an awful lot. And I
think that makes you a BETTER candidate for this surgery in a lot of ways.
It's about being healthier. That is what is most important. Best of luck
to you.
— Keri A.
August 7, 2000
Paul,
I think fear is what has kept me fat! You are way ahead of
the game by hitting this one head on:) Yes, I am afraid of
being thin. I am afraid of dealing with life with out my
drug of choice- food. BUT, I was killing myself slowly and
decided that I needed to face the fear and life and had
surgery 1-19-00. I am down 83lbs and feeling much better. I
still have hard times dealing with who I am, or even knowing
who I am:) BUT, I wouldn't trade it for anything! Keep
facing things head on Paul- you will be fine! Good Luck
— M B.
August 7, 2000
Paul,
I have wondered if I will have problems dealing with being a
"normal" weight myself and I feel like I am who I am regardless
of my weight and that I know I am a great person as I am at nearly 600
pounds now and as much as 815 pounds in the past I am still the same good
person that has a great personality. I know most overweight people have a
good personality becasue we have to learn to laugh at life as it is quite
harder physicly for us to handle. I know of the pain you talk about all to
well, it is a daily battle.
I think that when I am a normal weight I will be even a better person and
will have even more compassion for others because of my "fat
experience".
I would have to say it is normal to have this fear and I think losing the
weight will only make you a better person, so Have No Fear just rejoice in
the new Body God has given you and use it to honor him and to help other
people who may need encouragement losing weight. Good Luck and Always
remember to SMILE it makes others wonder what you have been up too! LOL
Wes, [email protected]
— dtpgoose
August 7, 2000
Paul, I am afraid of being thin too! I just couldn't figure out how to put
it into words. Bless you for asking about it!! I have been heavy since my
early teens, and it is now a part of my life that I have adapted to. I
look for the sturdiest chairs, roomiest seats, stay away from situations
that will be embarrassing because of my wt. I am afraid that when I have
the surgery I will no longer recognize myself. So, I have been trying to
look at the bright side and think about NO MORE PAIN, feeling good, no more
embarrassment, keeping up with my children, riding roller coasters!!!,
borrowing clothes from girlfriends,(something I have never experienced),
anyway, I try not to dwell on the things that scare me, I know I'll be able
to adjust, it will just take time. Best wishes!
— mbanks
August 7, 2000
Dear Paul, The good news is that you like who you are now. The bad news is
that who you are now will change. However, this in itself is not bad, only
natural. As you begin to loose weight, your pain lessens, your health
improves and your energy levels increase. A whole world of new
possibilities will open up. Now the problem is what to do with all the
energy. Opportunities will present themselves to try new things and meet
new people. Some friends that you hang around with now, may have problems
adjusting to the new you. Others will be there for you no matter what size
you are. But you are not really changing, you have just chosen a different
path to follow. A path that leads to a longer Healthier Life. Sending Warm
Healing Skinny thoughts your way:) ttfn
— Barbara I.
April 25, 2002
Terve Paul:
With a surname like yours, you've got to be a Finn!
Change is always frightening, even if it's a change for the better. Your
concerns are normal. After you lose your first hundred pounds, you will
see the real you is still all there.
I remember how exciting and scarey it was for me to leave high school and
become an adult working and going to college. This surgery is like that.
A wonderful new adventure. You will have more energy and the pain will be
less and less as you lose weight. You won't have to concentrate on your
pain anymore but on anything you like! Start thinking of the fun things
you would like to do that you can't do right now. I understand how our
cocoon of fat feels very protective and safe. We still have that safety
net without our fat. We can choose what we like and have the power to say
'no thanks' to anything that would bother us.
Fat or no fat, all of you will still be here. Best wishes on your road to
good health, Paul! :):):)
— Carmen K.
April 26, 2002
I was afraid I would lose my 'power', that mighty presence that came from
the domination of space by my 494 pound physicality. I drew a great deal
of confidence from being BIG. Root cause: somewhere in childhood, I am
sure. I went into psychotherapy to help myself make the adjustments that
are being demanded. I also have given myself permission to not know how to
react to things, given my new physical self and to explore, just like I did
as a kid. I am more powerful now and life is only getting better.
— merri B.
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