Question:
Help me help me!
I have sugery scheduled in 58 days and keep thinking that itcould possibly mean I only have 58 days left to live. I am an athesit so please non of that god will help me crap. I am not sure that this selfish decision (i am not kidding myself that this is not selfish-read profile)is something that I can live with - no pun intended, I keep thinking that if thats the case at least i wont be around to clean up the mess. Not trying to depress just trying to be realistic and not lie to myself about the reality of it all. please tell me how you all coped. — s H. (posted on July 17, 2003)
July 16, 2003
At first, I was terrified of having the surgery but I knew that if I didn't
have it that my life would surely be over soon. My BMI was 72 so I didn't
have much of a life and nothing to look forward to. I had my surgery on
August 15th, 2002 and to this date have lost 177 pounds. I am feeling so
much better, have been able to shop and do things that I hadn't done in
years. I was a prisoner in my own home before the surgery. So just hang
in there and try not to think of the negative side of it, keep thinking
positive and just be assured of the change in your life after you have the
surgery. Good luck and best wishes.
— Mary Ann H.
July 16, 2003
Nancy you have valid questions. People do die. Mostly thru complications. I
put all my affairs in order. Explained to my family and close friends this
was a possibility. I also felt I had no choice. I hated what I had become
and the limits I had given myself. I had all my diet needs ready for when I
came home and arranged my support person do be there. Yes I had these
thoughts, but my focus was on living and looking forward to my new life. I
didn't feel I was going to live very long the way I was. But I did 58
pounds gone since 5-12-03. Good Luck Cheryl
— cheryl N.
July 16, 2003
If its selfish to want to live life to the fullest, than so be it, I'm one
selfish human. I had WLS to LIVE LIVE LIVE, to do things that I could not
or did not feel good about trying. It was worth the gamble and I won. Go
in knowing you have no regrets no matter what happens. ~Sidney~ Open RNY
10-23-02 down 100+ and counting
— Siddy I.
July 16, 2003
First of all, you should be scared, you are about to make a life changing
decision. And the one thing that really helped me was coming to terms with
the fact that I could only have so many days left on earth. After I came
to terms with it, I was able to see that I was making the best decision,
and the chances were on my side. I'm not sure how old or how obese you
are, but this change will likely help you in so many ways, you will end up
feeling better than you ever have. Come to terms with your decision...let
your family know how you are feeling, and make sure everything is taken
care of in case something bad does happen, then you will feel better.
I do have to say one other thing...I'm sure you asked this question
expecting everyone to be very respectful to you because that is what you
deserve, but I am offended that you would say "god will help me
CRAP"...you may not believe, but why disrespect those who do? How
would you feel if everyone dismissed YOU with a "don't help me if you
are just going to say that I don't believe in God crap!?" In the
end, we all just want to help each other, and most of us need all the help
we can get, so take it as a gift, no matter what form it comes in. I don't
mean to get on a high horse or be parental, but it's important that we are
accepting of others opinions.
— thekatinthehat
July 16, 2003
Three years and two months ago, at age 42 I could not walk 50 feet without
becoming severely out of breath and having to rest. I weighed 500 pounds
and spent my days going through the bare minimum of life's activity of
daily living, sometimes with wet pants from stress incontinence, scaring
small children with my freakish looks and obviously ill health. Yesterday,
I went on a 3 hour, 28 mile mike ride. Helen Keller said "Life is
either a daring adventure or nothing." My suggestion on coping with
the fear of dying: Live your life as a daring adventure. Be bold, discover
and, when necessary, invent courage. Good Luck to you!
— merri B.
July 16, 2003
I read your profile and all I can say is simply that...this isn't selfish.
You have a family that needs their mom and wife. Regardless of being a
lightweight, regardless of what you are still able to do, you owe to your
family to get healthy and stay that way. You know you want to see your
children grow up and have families of their own. Yes, this surgery is a
risk. And you are not alone when you think you may not be here for much
longer. I'm scared of that myself. I don't want to die. I have a lot of
stuff in this life I want to do. Finish college, go into the ministry,
have more children...and this surgery is the only way I can possibly give
myself the chance to do all this. I consider myself a lightweight as well.
I haven't suffered like some of the folks here have. I am still able to
wake up and do what needs to be done. But I don't know for how much
longer. You need to look at your life seriously and evaluate the risk of
this surgery. Will you live past 40 without it? How is your heart doing?
Being obease, and you are whether you feel like it or not...is killing you.
Its a slow death that for years and years may fool us into believing we're
just fine. I honestly didn't believe my weight had taken its toll on me.
I am young. But some blood work showed that is was destroying my heart,
slowly but surely. Sorry to ramble on. I just...have felt...still feel
selfish about this surgery and it terrifies me that my days are numbered.
But their numbered no matter how I look at it. Might as well make the best
of it. If you need to talk more, go to my profile and email me. God Bless
— Renee B.
July 16, 2003
If it helps very few die during the actual operation. Its hard to get dead
with all that equipement around, and well trained workers. Most deaths
occur afterward from complications like blood clots. many are largely
preventable see barb thompsaons great
book.<P>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1891231758/qid=1039629379/sr=8-3/ref=sr_8_3/103-3189628-7015065?v=glance&s=books&n=507846<P>
I sure am glad I had surgery! Just a few days till my 2 year anniversary,
the time goes by fast.
— bob-haller
July 16, 2003
So what if you are being selfish? I don't have any significant problems
myself. I am 29 and in relative good health. But the truth is, it is not
selfish to want to have a good life. A fun one. Why should we be denied
the same things that our skinny counterparts have? Why does wanting those
things make us selfish? The risk of this surgery, particularly for someone
with low health risk, is more minimal than usual. And usual is 1 in 200!
We must take responsiblity for the decisions we make, and go from there.
First we have to take responsibility for how we got fat in the first place.
I feel like this tool is part of taking responsibility for getting
ourselves back on track. Hell, you can die driving while to a weight
watchers meeting. There is risk in everything. Just decide if you REALLY
want this, and you have really tried everything else. And know, that
EVERYone deserves happiness, and do what you got to do to get there. Good
luck!
— TameraD
July 16, 2003
Nancy: When I came to this decision, I had to ask myself a question: Do I
want to take the chance and have surgery and finally be able to have a
normal style life, even though it means I could have complications and
possibly even die, or do I want to live the rest of my life in this pain
that I experience every day from arthritis in my feet, ankles, knees and
back? Do I want to end up on insulin in about 5 years because I am Hyper
AND Hypoglycemic? Do I want to end up TOTALLY wheelchair bound in a couple
years, because I have to use one frequently now when I go shopping or
anywhere that requires walking. The simple fact is, I don't want to live
if I have to live this way. I am merely existing now. I happen to be a
Christian, and I believe that when it's my time to go, God will take me
whether it be during or after surgery or when I'm 95. The bottom line is,
do you feel like this is your last chance to have a normal life? Could you
handle going through the rest of your life as you are now? If I weren't in
so much darned pain all the time, I probably wouldn't be considering this
surgery. I hope this has helped some. Please think long and hard about
it. Do some soul-searching. For me, I have been able to pray about it and
received tremendous peace. Do whatever it is you do whenever you have to
make a difficult decision. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you
decide. Take care, hon, I'm here if you need me.
— Moysa B.
July 17, 2003
original poster here, thanks for all your responses, although the one that
really got me laughing and feeling better was bob. The fact that i could
actually live thru surgery and then die of a blood clot in say 60+ days
sure set me at peace...LOL! only kidding i appreciate all your responses.
— s H.
July 18, 2003
email me,okay!
— Sharon m. B.
July 18, 2003
HI Nancy - Yes, there is a 0.5% chance that you could die. There is a
better chance that you'll get mamed or worse next time you get in your car.
It's risk we take because of what we HAVE TO DO. If you really think it's
selfish, really, why would you pursue WLS in the first place? Are you
convincing yourself that it's selfish so you feel no guilt in the long run?
There are too many hoops and medical people to go through that would not
let this happen if you weren't the right candidate for surgery. I
personally have a concern for those people having surgery for cosmetic
reasons, but if you want to be around for your family and don't want your
obesity to get worse, then this is not entirely selfish. Before my weight
started effecting my health, I was comepletely happy and comfortable being
MO. It never hindered my career aspects, finding a mate or getting the
things I wanted out of life. After my pregnancy, all hell broke loose on
my body and every pound made a difference on me. I chose to have WLS
because, yes I WANTED to feel better, but mostly because my son needs a mom
- even when he becomes a daddy. If I was almost 300 pounds by the time I
was 32...how much would I weigh when my son is 32? I would have had a
stroke long before then, though. The reason we became so fat in the first
place is not so simple. Yes- the physiological reason is simple (mostly),
but we all have our reasons why doets don't work for us, or why we eat
poorly or why we blindly put on weight. It doesn't mean we don't deserve
the latest in medical technology to help us get over this problem. If my
father could have had surgery to cure his dependencies, he'd still be alive
today. I would have LOVED for him to take the small risk of surgery,
rather than live with his addictions and guarantee an early death. It's a
trade off, but when you weigh the pros and cons, it'll be VERY clear to
you. BTW - I didn't bother with the "get the affairs in order"
stuff...I didn't do it before WLS when I was going to die from a stroke, so
I didn't find it necessary to do it for the surgery, either. I also have
undeniable confidence in my surgeon. Good luck!
— toolio
July 18, 2003
I have struggled all my life with the concept of a god and know how you
feel. I did however decide somthing out there made this earth so I just
came to believe that, that intity was watching over me. I also am having
some problems with what will I do if I die and god is real well I look at
it this way I live my life not trying to hurt others and if that god
decides to send me to hell then screw him or her or it....
— D P.
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