Help me help me!

I have sugery scheduled in 58 days and keep thinking that itcould possibly mean I only have 58 days left to live. I am an athesit so please non of that god will help me crap. I am not sure that this selfish decision (i am not kidding myself that this is not selfish-read profile)is something that I can live with - no pun intended, I keep thinking that if thats the case at least i wont be around to clean up the mess. Not trying to depress just trying to be realistic and not lie to myself about the reality of it all. please tell me how you all coped.

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