Question:
It has just come to my attention that a family member AND a friend have
called my husband "just to make sure that I am eating enough". I posted last week about people saying how thin I look, but I want to lose about 5 more pounds (not trying to lose, but if it happens, great) I am now trying to increase my food intake, (it is miserable, I HATE feeling full now), but I am really offended by this. I understand the friend (she has NEVER seen me lower than 220 lbs.), but this really hurts me. I am NOT too thin, I am 5'4" I weigh 252 lbs. and I wear medium tops and size 8 pants. My husband has been asking me constantly - have you eaten yet, or what did you eat today. I know that they love me, but this really makes me hurt. Are they jealous or do I really look to thin!? I really need some advice on this, maybe someone around my size could send me some before and after pics. Today at the club someone said that I looked like I weigh about 115-120. I just don't get it! (By the way I do have an appointment set up for Thurs. this week to start seeing a therapist, all these comments like this are making me feel crazy! People who did not know me before the weight loss say that I look 'normal' not 'too thin'. Thanks in advance for all the help! PS I looked in the library, but this is a tricky topic name and couldn't find anything about this)283.5/152/145-150 — Dana B. (posted on June 30, 2003)
June 30, 2003
hiya dana, i'm sorry you're going through this but remember that these
people have seen you heavy for so long, to them you may look too thin. i've
heard this too. i even had my surgeon tell me i should put on 15lbs!
i think that as long as you are eating what you need to and exercising,
your body will find it's "sweet spot" and that's where you should
be.
seeking counseling is a good idea and maybe your husband could go to.
once you talk with a counselor i'm sure they will give you ideas on how to
handle people's concerns.
good luck
{{hugs}} kate
— jkb
June 30, 2003
Hi, Dana: I'm sure these people don't mean any harm. Perhaps they just
think that you're gonna get anorexic and are going to try to get to 90
pounds. It sounds like you're at a great size and weight, and even if you
want to lose another 5 pounds you would still be at a great weight for you.
I'm 5'5" and 273 lbs. and my goal is 140, but I'll take 150. Heck,
at this point as a pre-op I'll take anything below 200! Keep up the great
work! You're doing awesome, definitely an inspiration for us pre-ops!
— Moysa B.
June 30, 2003
I have always wondered why doctors don't tell their patients that if you
get down to goal weight, you will be too thin because your bones weigh more
than normal due to the weight they had to support before surgert. Usually
30-40 pounds. I currently weigh 195 and were a size 16. When I was this
size on the way up, I weighed around 160-165.
— Joanne T.
June 30, 2003
People are weird! I, too have people telling me not to get too thin now
(I've lost 150 lbs) GIVE ME A BREAK! At 5'8" I weigh 199 lbs! I wont
be "too thin" for another 50 lbs! I don't know WHY people try to
sabatoge us after so much effort. For what it's worth, I DO think they
sincerely believe that they are trying to help us, though....
— Debby M.
June 30, 2003
I get that alot too and even at birthday parties or something with people,
they watch me eat and make fun of me. I am 5'5 145# (was 267)and I feel
like I still need to lose 10+ pounds. I am medium frame and im not a twig
like people say, I still have saggy areas and am very thick. I just laugh
when they talk and let it go in one ear and out the other. Good luck!
— Sandy M.
June 30, 2003
Dana, read my profile and email me after you do. We can talk and exchange
photos, etc. Okay! :~) You currently weigh 252 and you are 5'4" Hm...
that is still way too much weight for your frame! How can you get into
size eights?? :~) I'm not trying to sound mean, but did you, by chance,
mean 152?? I keep saying 258 when I mean 158... if that's the case, then
you are doing okay. You might need to exercise more and eat more protein!
I'm going through this with my folks and hubby too... again, read my
profile, okay!
— Sharon M. B.
June 30, 2003
Yes, Sharon, you are right. I did mean that I now weigh 152 lbs.
— Dana B.
July 1, 2003
Dana, your friend/family members mean well. I would not get offended or
feel hurt. Actually she cared enough to call your husband, and how many
friends would do that? Friends that speak up in your best interest are
hard to come by, so thank them instead and just do what you want to do as
far as your weight. You and I are close in weight- I'm 5'3 and 151. Most
people guess me to weigh around 130 and a size less than I am, so I think
we have the appearance of weighing alot less than we do. It would not hurt
either one of us to lose another 5! And as far as your husband, mine is
still asking me if I "need" that sliver of dessert I eat(pre-op
he used to ask, do you "need" dessert at all), so I would
actually like a caring husband asking if I am eating enough!! Oh, well,
you can talk to hubby though and ask him to lay off. I, too, get told I
look normal! Isn't it wonderful??
— Cindy R.
July 1, 2003
I am 5ft5 and weigh 138 today. My cousin thought I weighed 110. I just
tell them "I just look thinner because I am all muscle and no
fat". I wear size 6 and 8. I do not want to lose anymore. I am 16
months post op.
— Connie M.
July 1, 2003
at 5 feet and 158, people are sdtarting to tell me I am all skin and bones,
I would beg to differ, I have seen myself nekked and I see the chub! at a
size 16 I feel better than I did at a 28-30, but I am certainly not
skeletal. I know for my HEALTH I need to lose at least another 30 - 40
pounds. I had some one "beg" me not to lose more as I would be
too thin. Difficult to deal with. I waver between sarcasm (of course I'll
stay fat so you will feel better about my body) to vague (im not sure where
I'll end up) to we'll see what my Dr says. I have been extremely open to
friends co-workers about the surgery, but I need to maintain my own
boundries. If someone called my husband I think I would call them back and
address it to them directly, 1. It is MY body, not yours OR my husband's.
2.What I eat and how much is MY personal decision. 3. MY health issues will
be decided between me and my physician and no one else.
— **willow**
July 1, 2003
My response to the people that say I'm looking too thin is to ask them how
they would feel at my weight. For example, my sister weighs about 150, we
are about an inch different in height, my goal is 150 and today I'm sitting
at 165. When she tells me I'm getting too thin, I ask her how she would
feel at my weight - would she want to lose it? Of course she has never
weighed what I weigh now, to her 165 is fat, so when she says she wouldn't
be happy at that weight, I reply neither am I.
<p>
That being said, I don't think I would like someone mentioning it to my
husband behind my back. I would like to think my friends and family are
close enough to come to ME if they had concerns about my health (even
though there is nothing to be concerned about, my health is great!!)
— Ali M
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