Question:
has anyone felt embarrassed about eating out?

I have gone out to eat a couple of times since my surgery and of course, I am unable to eat regular size portions. I feel a bit awkward asking for a childs menue because the waiter looks at me funny. I have a card from my dr's office saying that i am a gastric by-pass patient and require small amounts of food and for me to order off childrens menus or at a discount, i dont have any children either. and i havent used the card yet, I usually get a cup of soup and even then, i feel they feel confused because i am still heavy and im sure they are like you have to eat more than that! I know that i dont have to explain myself to anyone but, i cant help but feel out of place. I wish more resturants were more gastric by-pass patient friendly! Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with this? also is anyone experiencing soreness in their arms or back? im 3 weeks post-op    — cmontoya324 (posted on May 29, 2003)


May 29, 2003
My husband and I eat out all the time and no, I don't feel embarrassed. I also have the resturant card and find it almost useless. The things on the kids menue are not good choices, chicken fingers, grilled cheese, hot dogs etc. no thanks. What I do is order what I would like to have and sub veggies or cottage cheese for the rice or potatoes. I eat what I can and take the rest home for later. If I don't eat it later I throw it away. I know this is wasteful, but if I hadn't had the surgery I would have still been paying full price. What was embarrassing was having people stare at me and what I was eating 117lbs ago.
   — Tawnda C.

May 29, 2003
I don't feel embarrassed about eating out but then again I prefer not to attempt to use my gastric bypass restaurant card. I usually order something small or share my husband's meal, although I'm a vegetarian and he isn't...he's always willing to give me a bit of his salad or whatever. As for you, don't feel embarrassed, just order what you like and take the leftovers home...one good thing about us WLSers is that one "normal" meal can last us DAYS! lol..enjoy!
   — Samantha S.

May 29, 2003
I know what you mean about eating out. I used to get a little embarrased but now I do not even think twice. I do not use the card because I do not wish just anyone to know about my surgery. I just prefer them to think I eat like a bird. I take a lot of stuff home and have it the next day. It works out great because a lot of places only will discount you only a buck or two. This way when I take it home I get alot more value out of it. Good Luck.
   — Tammy P.

May 29, 2003
First I have to say.. you might want to wait a few weeks to eat out. I have to admit at three weeks I was still in pureed food and the idea of eating somewhere that I was not in control of the food was a little scary.<Br>That Said, I'm 11 months out now and from the very beginning I loved eating out. I eat a little bit from the adult menu.. I don't show any cards and I couldn't care less what anyone thinks. The truth is, they're not thinking anything probably. If they say anything, its to make sure you liked it. Usually I say, it was wonderful! Thank you! Can I have a box? I always take it home and if I'm traveling, I find a nice desk person who might like it for dinner if I can't keep it for later.<br>I think sometimes we create our own problems... but truely.. don't care about what others may or may not think -- eat out.. enjoy it and have fun. To hell with them.
   — Lisa C.

May 29, 2003
I order off the childs menu all the time. And if everything on it is fried (as they seem to be at most restaraunts) I just ask for a second plate to share whatever my DH orders. I have had waiters look at me funny, but you know what? I don't care. I have a card that a friend gave me that says I have had WLS, but I have never used it. I won't use it unless I am given a hard time about ordering off the kids menu, and so far, other than wierd looks, I haven't had to worry about it. I am proud that I had the surgery, and I do not feel like explaining why I don't eat much to a waiter. Do not be ashamed to ask for a kids menu, and if they give you strange looks, give them one right back. At one restaraunt I had been to many times before and ordered off the kids menu, I had a skinny little waitress give me a nasty look and say in her best pretty loud, snobbish tone, "YOU want to order off a kids menu?" I said (pretty loudly myself): I'm sorry, was I speaking another language? I belive that is what I said, and if YOU have a problem with it go get your manager. That embarrased her more than it did me.
   — salymsmommy

May 29, 2003
I have no problem with restaurants, now! My husband and I have both had WLS, so most of the time we order one meal and split it, or we have a cup and soup and perhaps an appetizer. I didn't have a problem before he had surgery, and he would order a meal and I would get a cup of soup. People are probably not thinking anything about what or how much you are eating. I don't use the restaurant card and I don't ask to order from the children's menu, although I have been tempted to ask if I could order from the senior's menu! My philosphy is that there are naturally small people who don't eat everything supersized, but they don't get a discount for eating small to moderate amounts of food, so why should I, just because I had surgery?
   — koogy

May 29, 2003
When you get a little further out and are on regular foods, you can do stuff like ordering appetizers and having them bring it at the same time as everyone else's meal (something like shrimp cocktail). Or you just order a regular meal and eat your little portion and take the rest home. My wife Geri - who's 3 weeks post-op as well (surgery date 5/6) - and I went out the other day for dinner. She had Crab Imperial - ate her couple of ounces and took the rest home. She's had 3 more helpings of it since then and there is *still* some left....JR (open RNY 07/17 -177 pounds)
   — John Rushton

May 29, 2003
I too have felt awkward at times eating out. Now my husband and I split a meal whether it is breakfast or dinner. I have never used the "card" that the doc gave me. Don't feel embarrased, feel proud that you are on your new journey to health. My back hurt really bad at about 2-3 weeks post-op. When I called BTC, they told me that it was normal muscle pain. After a week or so it went away. Good luck and keep your head high and don't let anybody make you feel uncomfortable.
   — Terrie R.

May 29, 2003
The very first time that I went out to eat was about 4 months after surgery. I went to Perkins and asked that I have the kids menu, well you would have thought that I had asked that my meal be free. The waiter had to go get the manager, I had to show the manager my card about me just having had stomach surgery, then he had to call someone?? all the while every other guest was staring at me while all of this LOUD COMMOTION was going on, finally they said we normally don't do this but we will this ONE TIME ONLY. After that incident, I never used the card again and just order off the adult menu what I like and take the rest home and eat it the next day for lunch. Now when I eat out and only eat a small portion the only thing that happens is the waiter will ask if there was a problem with my food and I will state "no, no problem, just guess I was not as hungry as I thought" Don't be embarrased, like one poster stated "to hell with them" Hope this helps. Peace.....
   — gloriafb

May 29, 2003
No not at all! I always tell any waitress/waiter that I've had WLS. You see if I don't, they always come over with a distressed look on their face and ask what is wrong with my meal. Lol! I feel sorry for them. ;) Anyway, I'm very proud of all the weight I've lost and I shout my wls to the hills! It does'nt embarrass me in the least. But then again, I'm not in your face, but I am open to my "changes", both wls and the other biggy. ;) (It's in my profile).
   — Danmark

May 29, 2003
I never order off the children's menu just because I don't usually like what they offer. I usually order a salad and an appetizer for my meal. The other night I had a ceasar's salad and a shrimp cocktail and it was fine. A couple of nights later I had the same thing and couldn't eat the shrimp after I ate the salad. The waiter did want to know if anything was wrong, I said no, everything was great and I took the shrimp home. I probably should have not eaten the whole salad. I remember watching a special on Al Roker before I had surgery and he said he has to remember not to eat the whole salad before a meal and I thought he was nuts (how could one NOT eat a whole restaurant salad?) but now I experience the same thing!
   — susanje

May 29, 2003
Christina, You will find less attention being paid to how much you eat/don't eat as you get smaller. When I was still big everyone made a fuss if I didn't eat my food, but now that I'm small they don't bat an eye. Its not even like they notice, or its expected that I wouldn't eat much. So just give it time, this is just a temporary thing.
   — Sheryl S.

May 29, 2003
And they wonder why kids today are obese at younger and younger ages! The kids menus are usually all fried and not worth it. I never asked for one. At 3 weeks post-op, you can't eat much of anything but the further out you get the more you will be able to eat. Early on, you can stick to soups, salads and appetizers like shrimp cocktail. When I was just a few months post-op and not eating too much, I would order off the regular menu and ask for a to go container at the same time. I boxed up a good 3/4 of it, and then ate the other 1/4 making it look like I cleaned my plate!! Some restaurants also have lots of side items that you can order too, like some breakfast items-bacon, egg, ham, or even mashed potatoes, veggies, refried beans (mexican restaurants). Get used to it if you plan to eat out-you'll never be able to eat a restaurant sized portion again!
   — Cindy R.

May 29, 2003
i use my card when i go out if i need to but i don't always need to. just ask to order off the kids menu or senior menu. usually i don't even get asked why or what they just let me. on occasion i have used my card and most are accomdating the only place that has flat out told me no is hometown buffet in victorville california. everywhere else has been fine, dennys, spagetti factory, steak at the lake and so on. best of luck to you and don't be ashamed shout it from the roofs. kimbrrly open distal rny 11/12/02 -95lbs
   — kimberly T.

May 29, 2003
Maybe it's me, but as an early pre-op, I never felt like anybody was looking at my portion intake and comparing it to my weight (I assumed from their question -- Is everything all right? -- that they were more concerned I didn't like the food for some reason). Though there are folks who would make that judgment, I wouldn't assume it of everyone -- I think most people are too busy wrapped up in their own concerns (especially busy waiters and waitresses) to think that way about you. (At least, I hope so. :~)). I would also recommend skipping the children's menu, as there's usually nothing much good on it -- and personally, I'd rather box up the leftovers (or even leave them) than use the card. That way, you get a delicious meal stretched out over several meals, with no cookin'! Personal choice, though. ;-)
   — Suzy C.

May 29, 2003
Hello, I am 2 1/2 weeks post op and have used my discount card once. The first time I was too embarrassed as it was a chinese resteraunt and I didn't think they would understand. So I got egg drop soup. The last place was an all you can eat buffet that my church group wanted to go to. I simply asked the up front cashier (pay before you eat) if they would honor it and give me the child's price. I told them I had surgery and would be eating less than a baby, and they were happy to honor it. I wasn't embarrassed at all, but still paid $4.00 for about 4 bites of food... still expensive for what I ate... lol. I think it will get better. Even when you order an adult portion where they may not honor your card, you will have plenty for left overs.
   — Happy I.

May 29, 2003
I've never used the "card" or ordered off the kids menu. There's nothing on there I'd care to eat anyway. I just order an appetizer, split something with a friend, or ask for a doggy bag if I have a regular entree. I have skinny friends who NEVER eat more than half their sandwich or whatever (that's WHY they're skinny). They don't feel entitled to a discount, or order off the seniors menu, they just take the leftovers home. I figured I'd do the same. I realize that you're not too far out, and I think the soup is a great option. Later on, you'll be eating like other thin people, and no one will think anything of it when you take half of your meal home.
   — mom2jtx3

May 29, 2003
My husband and I both had the RNY and it has not kept us from eating out. In fact we get a charge out of seeing the servers expressions when we order lite or take most of our food home. We still have a ways to go on our weight loss so when they see us coming they are expecting us to order a ton!
   — bbjnay

May 29, 2003
I dont feel embarrasssed at all I just order a side of something. You could order a regular meal ( of something in which you could eat 2 oz of,) and take the rest home for your husband to take to work. People may think you just dont care for the food, or dont feel well enough to eat ask for a doggie bag,or container to take the left overs home. Dont feel so self concious, go out and enjoy yourself. Good luck! bon apetet'(sp)
   — wizz46

May 29, 2003
I don't order off the kiddie menu. I order off the senior citizen's menu. They have better food choices and usually smaller portions. Works out great for me and most staff do not complain if I do so. Gives me the chance to eat healthy without all the fried choices on the other menu.
   — Rhonda V.

May 29, 2003
With my work I eat out quite a bit. I order a side dish or a regular meal and bring the rest home. My kids now ask me to order something they will like when I go out to lunch - because they want the leftovers. My first business lunch a week ago went something like this:
   — M B.

May 29, 2003
Let me try this again.... With my work I eat out quite a bit. At my first business lunch (last week which was 7 weeks after surgery) I felt awkward and explained to everyone that I was on a diet. Under pressure from the group, I ordered a full meal (dumb!). The lunch went something like this: I was served a salad, I had 2 tiny bites & asked the waiter to pack the rest, then the main course arrived, I had 4 small bites and asked the waiter to pack the rest, he smiled, shook his head, took my plate and walked away. Then the waiter arrived with dessert - a tiny drop (literally less than a teaspoon full) was on the plate and he already packed up the rest of the dessert-it was hilarious. Everyone at the table was laughing. Now I order a side dish or a regular entree only and bring the rest home. Many restaurants understand dietary concerns. My kids now ask me to order something they will like when I go out to lunch - because they want the leftovers. Have a good day -
   — M B.

May 29, 2003
That's why I don't eat out anymore. 8mo post-op and have went out to eat maybe 5 times, other than taco bells pinto n cheese. The times I have went out, I just order what I want then take it home later for the kids, dog, or hubby. Don't be ashamed of anything! Be proud of yourself, I watch other people eat normal and it actually grosses me out lol. Good luck!
   — Sandy M.

May 29, 2003
Christina, I acutally don't feel embarassed, I actually have become picky when eating out, really picky, I've become the special request girl. Asking the waiter do you have that, or is cooked in this, can it be cooked this way, It's not that bad, just makes me a little annoyed to have to ask for special treatment. I went out the other day to a sub shop, (Gourmet) as they call it and asked for a small light turkey sandwich, the next thing you know I'm given a turkey sandwich with so much mayo on it, it was unreal, Hello and you call that a lite sandwich, after consuming all that mayo I 'll have gained back 5 pounds... I had them re-make my sandwich with mustard, and they said that's how the lite turkey's made...... See picky that's all. But health concious. I don't mind, now the spouse maybe embarassed about my special requests, and mustard sandwiches..... Never be embarassed about being healthy ! Smile when you order, You deserve it !
   — tannedtigress

May 29, 2003
Try the appetizer menu or a la cart...so you can order just one item. You could order a salad (with meat in it of course), dressing on the side. Put dressing on the portion you eat there and have them pack the rest to take home. Once YOU get used to it, you will feel better. Your waiter wont remember who ordered what by the end of his shift!!
   — cherokey55

May 29, 2003
I struggled with this quite a bit and finally just make sure I structure where I go. I love to order "baked potatoes with all the fixings" or salads with an added piece like shrimp or chicken. Today my hubby and I went out to lunch and I ordered Manicotti. I ate one of the two manicotti and didn't feel badly at all about leaving the one. You owe no one an apology and don't feel badly about leaving food on your plate. At 3 weeks post-op, I hadn't ventured out at all to a restaurant. Only now at 9 months + post op am I getting over my embarrassment at eating out.
   — Cathy S.

May 29, 2003
I am 3+ wks post op and I want to thank all of you for all of the invaluable information that you have provided. I am going to book mark this page so I have it for future reference. I will use your suggestions for that time in the future when I will finally will be eating out again with my husband, family or friends. Again thank you.
   — ChristineB




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