Question:
I want to be a BIG loser, but I'm just a PLAIN loser...

11/15/01- 187lbs- I think this may be my end weight? I had my surgery on 8/25/2000 and I probably could stand to lose another 30-40, but I hate exercise, I hate sweating and until I come to terms with that, I will not lose another pound! Someone wrote on this site they were happy being in the 180's, feeling "normal" or "rubenesque" and never dieting etc. and I am trying to accept that for me, but I don't. I WANT to weigh 150, but I am one lazy, unmotivated girl. I feel as I am the WLS failure. I didn't use my "window" of opportunity to learn to like to exercise like the rest and now I'm screwed.... I also get panicky about gaining it back- which I haven't- but still- I am paranoid. I have been TRYING to get to a support meeting I was invited to- but it is the second Saturday of each month- and I play on the weekends! I bet there is someone else out there just like me- I wonder what they've done....anyone else come back from a "point of no return" or so they thought?    — Karen R. (posted on November 15, 2001)

November 15, 2001
Way too many excuses. Until you stop making those, you'll still be dissatisfied. Good luck and God Bless!
   — Kimberly L.

November 15, 2001
Failure? Just ook at yourself! Surgery is carefully calculated to NOT make us underweight for safety reasons. So your not at your idseal weight? Just look at any mall, your on the thin side in comparison with most normal american females. Your picture looks great, be thankful for what you have! Now that doesnt mean you shouldnt make a effort to do better, but dont beat yourself up over it. Few of us are perfect, I KNOW I am not.
   — bob-haller

November 15, 2001
Ahhh...finally, someone I can relate to. It's great to get a message from someone who admits that she isn't one of the BIG losers. It's also great to hear from someone who can't/won't become a gym rat. Like you, I haven't maximized my weight loss. I'd kill just to get into the 190's! I was 370 when I had my rny and now I am 225. That's a loss of 145lbs. and I am truly happy, healthy and feeling great. I did this with no exersizing. OK. I did go for long walk once!!! My surgeon says he can't believe that I actually lost 145lbs. and that my body is so tight and firm...and that I have maintained that weight loss for three years, without any exersize. Also, for some reason, I don't look like I weight 225. I look like I'm in the 190 range and I wear size 16's. I'm rock solid! I'm one of the few wls patients who doesn't WANT to be thin. I look in the mirror and I truly like what I see. I would like to get down to 195, just to break that 200 mark. But that's as far as I want to go. I love being curvaceous! And also, I am very very vain. I see the horrible bodies that some of the ladies in my support group have...they would be the BIG losers. Sure, they weight 130 or 140 and when they wiggle into their girdles, they can get into size 8's and 10's. But, now they have to go through rounds of reconstructive surgery...paying for much of it themselves. Not to mention pain, hospitals, rcovery time. I'd rather be reubneseque (ok, plump) than put myself through all that. If you all but cut out the carbs and join a gym and workout 5 days a week, you certainly can lose that 30-40 pounds you want to lose. You would have to work very hard and the weight would come off very slosly. But it certainly is doable!!! That's the position I'm in now. Do I want to work that hard and go back to a life of "dieting" to lose that 30lbs???? I just don't know. Except for the satisfaction of seeing 195 on the scale, what would I get out of it??? I have no answers for you. I just want you to know that you aren't alone.
   — [Anonymous]

November 16, 2001
Hi Karen...I have followed your journal all the way through your pre and post-op. YOU ARE NOT A LOSER IN ANYTHING OTHER THAN POUNDS!!! You have done GREAT! I know, we have a very similar journey. I lost about 155 pounds and didn't exercise. There, I said it....I am a lazy person when it comes to going to the gym. I hate it and have zero motivation to do it. I also have PCOS and it has been a battle every day. You will make it to goal! Your window is 12 - 18 months (thats just a rough estimate)and you are only 14 months post-op! I completely stopped losing at month 12, I even gaind a few pounds back. Then all of a sudden the past two months I lost another 7 pounds! Where the heck did that come from? Who woulda thunk it? As soon as I stopped stressing over the numbers and thought about how good I felt....THE SCALE DIDN'T MATTER ANYMORE!!!!! Keep up the GREAT work! You will make it! Luv,.....
   — heidiinPA

November 16, 2001
Karen, I truly know what you are saying! I live it every single day. You would think that we would be grateful for the opportunity to have even lost the weight, and I am, but I have days when I get scared to death of gaining the weight back again. The numbers on the scale do not tell the whole tale. By looking at your photo on your profile, I must say to you that you look fabulous!!!I wish I looked as good at the same weight. I too am about 35 pounds from goal, that seems to be common. I have stopped exercising simply because of bordom, and my absolute tiredness, as a result of my hectic life. Maybe you should consider talking to a counselor or someone who can help you to see how wonderful you look, and appreciate the true you that you are, inside and out!!! I think you look great, "normal".
   — twenc

November 16, 2001
Thank you ALL. I was beginning feel alone, and isolated- but you words have truly inspired me. Maybe not to rush out and join that gym again, but at least start slow and get into some kind of regulated exercise- maybe open up that brand new yoga tape collecting dust? Exercise DOES make me feel good, but I am working with issues (such as the PCOS) that work against me (mentally, physically) anyhow - I also know I make a LOAD of excuses... Part of me blames a lot of crap on my PCOS, and I don't know if that is making excuses or accepting my limitations. Because of PCOS - I do not think my mind works as well as others- as far as motivation/determination goes- THIS could also be a depression factor. I also don't really KNOW what I was trying to achieve by writing it, maybe acceptance, maybe find someone who has the same issues? Whatever it was, I needed to hear from you all and I thank you for it. PS- I do have an apron, but I think I am keeping it. At least until after I try to have kids. I am also fitting nicely in a jrs. size 15- or a men's sized 36". I have about a 37" waist- but then that's PCOS for ya- I cannot wear women's pants- they assume I have a waist & hips, and alas I do not. I probably would wear a 10-12, I guess I never thought of that.
   — Karen R.

November 18, 2001
I'm with you, excercise stinks! Literally! But, lo and behold, I have found a solution! Swimming! If you have access to a pool, take advantage of it. Doing laps is one of the best, no sweat exercises I know. Swimming also exercises the whole body at once. None of this do one thing for this part, another thing for the other part. Yuck! But be sure to use a good shampoo and conditiner!
   — Melissa S.

November 23, 2001
Karen you look great! Awesome! You look 135-140 not 187. If you never lost another pound you'd still look great.
   — Danmark