Question:
Help Me PLEASE!!!!!!!! THe money I have for surgery, my husband says is to much to
spend on surgery! He says no I cant use it!! PLease someone try to help me make him understand how badly I need this surgery and how it is going to help me..I have to self pay because I have no insurance, he has insurance, but I am not on it, we for got after we got married we only had 30 days to put me on it, now we are not sure when we can enroll me..please someone email him and help me make him understand.This heat is gonna kill me, I cant move anymore, I can hardly breathe please. PLease send your advice to [email protected] am so alone in this. — tylerswife (posted on May 17, 2001)
May 17, 2001
My first step would be call the insurance company and find out
when you can add a spouse ..once a year I know you can add or delete
This surgery costs between 20-35 thousand dollars with out complications
what is going to happen if you have complications??????
You have made it this far......
the longest you will have to wait is the fiscal year which should
be January for most companies and that is only 8 months away
it will take you a few months just to work thru the system and get
a appointment with a surgeon..
Yes this surgery is a must
It will dramatically change your life and your husbands
for the better
but Money is a factor
ask your self this question>>>
Can you wait a few months???
whats your BMI what are your co-morbids
ask your Doctor how at risk you are
how old are you all these things play a big part in making this
decision...
But Insurance is a must have ..
What state do you live In?
— Kathleen M.
May 17, 2001
With my company and most that I have had experience with(my husbands also)
a spouse can be added at any time to the EXISTING policy. after all people
get married through out the year. And once a year their is "open
enrollment" at which time you can switch to another carrier. Check
with human resourses , I hope you misunderstood and can get on your
husbands policy. And MOST company policies do not have a pre existing
waiting period. You must find that out also. For that I would contact the
company directly. I'm sorry I can't give you advise on how to handle your
husband but I don't like to involve myself in another's marriage or
finances. Good luck.
— Rose A.
May 17, 2001
Did you recently lose your insurance? Did you ever have insurance? MOST
insurance companies will allow you to add a spouse within 30 days or their
losing their own insurance coverage.When I left my job, my husband was able
to add me to his policy, even though it wasn't open enrollment time. AND,
if you had your own insurance, MOST companies will cover the so-called
"pre-existing conditions." I didn't have a waiting period at all,
because I had insurance within 6 months of enrolling on my husband's
policy. Basically, I would check about the insurance first. As an earlier
post mentioned, that would be the best way to go. HOWEVER, if that doesn't
work, I wish you luck with dealing with your hubby. I'm not sure what
advice to give you there. I mean, my hubby has been SO supportive
throughout. We talked about the possibility that the insurance would not
cover the surgery. He said we'd figure out how to pay for it ourselves if
we needed to, because MY HEALTH WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY AMOUNT OF
MONEY! Maybe there is some way you could get your husband to realize this.
I don't know exactly what your financial situation is, but if you are
qualified to have this surgery, and you have co-morbs, I just can't believe
that a person who loves you wouldn't want you to use the money for a
life-saving surgery. What if you needed open heart surgery? Would he keep
you from using the money for surgery then? This is not "elective
surgery" this is life saving, just like heart or transplant surgery.
Maybe you won't die tomorrow, but morbid obesity will kill you just the
same! I pray that you can talk to your husband and explain it to him this
way. PLEASE keep trying. You are worth fighting for. Best of luck, and may
God bless you.
— Maria H.
May 17, 2001
Didn't your mother-in-law give <i>you</i> the money for this?
What right does your husband have to say that money given to you as a gift
for this specific reason can't be used? Sorry, this irks me.
Are you on medication? Add up how much that costs; if you're not insured,
you must be paying something. Do you have to see the doctor for
obesity-related issues? Add that up, too. Do you eat (duh)? Figure out how
much grocery money you <i>won't</i> be spending any more when
you're eating 1/10 of what you currently eat. Even with the supplements and
stuff, I spend less than half on groceries now than I did pre-op, and I
have a growing kid to feed. All these things put together over a period of
two years will probably easily eclipse the cost of surgery...a cost that,
if I understand your profile correctly, isn't even being paid by your
husband. And there's always the unbelievable increase in your quality of
life post-op, upon which a price cannot be placed.
Too bad I can't chat with him in person...;^)
Seriously, though, if that money was given to <i>you</i>, and
not your husband, then it's your money to do with as you wish. Period.
I wish you luck in this. Sorry he's being so difficult.
— Suzanne B.
May 17, 2001
Why are you letting your husband control what is most likely a life saving
operation for you? I like some of the other posters am very upset that
your husband who should love you more than anyone else, would object to
anything that would be great for your health.
Bottom line the money was given to you--have the surgery. If your husband
objects he doesn't love you anyway, at least not the way he should.
No offense just my honest opinion.
— Jeannie J.
May 17, 2001
First of all, I had to laugh at the way you put something in your post.
You said "we" forgot to put me on my husband's insurance.
"We" didn't forget anything. You had no choice about putting you
on it. HE DID! My hubby and I went through the exact same thing last year
when HE forgot to put me on his insurance. Luckily, I had had the surgery
already but....all of my post op problems were not tl I found a job and got
insurance. It was a difficult time to say the least.
So, Rebecca, HE forgot to put you on his insurance. HE says your life is
not worth the money for the surgery. HE has decided to make all of your
life decisions. Sweety, you are obviously a grown woman with a mind of
your own. YOU should be the most important person to you. Not your child,
or your husband, but YOU. Without you feeling healthy and feeling that
your are important and vital to this family, they have nothing to recieve
from you. You will eventually resent him not letting you do this (although
for the life of me I cannot concieve of my hubby "not letting" me
do anything. I would feel like his child rather than his spouse.) If he
had a stroke would you be able to deny him physical therapy? If he had
diabetes would you deny him insulin?
The problem with thinner people, is that they don't see obesity as a life
threatening problem. They see it as a weakness in you that you can
overcome. All of us here know that that is NOT the case. Doesn't he
notice you huffing and puffing after sex? Doesn't he see you having a hard
time breathing after walking a long way? Have you ever told him how your
heart races after just doing the laundry because of the strain? Does he
know how hard it is to wipe your bottom after using the bathroom? Does he
know how much more expensive large clothes are than "normal"
ones? (I now buy children's clothing and my bills are half or less than
what they were before).
I realize that you just got married and that you are still in the
honeymoon stage but..please evaluate what this means to you. Will you live
with him making all decisions for the rest of your life? what will that
mean to you years from now? This is the only life that the good Lord gave
to you. Make the most of it and don't let anyone tell you that you are not
worth it. You are worth as much as you allow yourself to be. Good luck to
you.
— Barbara H.
May 17, 2001
I read your profile and that money is YOURS not his. Your mother-in-law
gave it to you. Have you spoken with her about the fact that he obviously
has made other plans for the money she gave you for the surgery? Maybe she
can straighten him out.
— [Anonymous]
May 17, 2001
Honey, you don't need anyone's permission to have this surgery, unless you
are under the legal age. Have the surgery, get well and get strong, and
then deal with hubby's tantrums and terrorism! Hang tough......and fight
for your life!
— jane W.
May 18, 2001
I would suggest that you talk to your mother-in-law. She gave you the money
for the sole purpose of having this surgery, to use it for anything else
would be an insult to her. Your husband may be afraid for you to have this
surgery for reasons that go beyond finances. If he feels he can justify it,
you need to do be diligent in affirming to him that this is something you
need, not want. I dont't think it would be appropriate for me to say
anything to your husband, as it is really not proper for a perfect stranger
to butt in between a husband and a wife. If you feel you don't have any
say, then I can't stress to you enough that you consider that you DO have a
say regarding your money. If he wants to use it for bills, and you two
don't have children, bring up the fact that you would be better able to
work and contribute if you were to lose the weight and improve your health
considerably. Call his insurance company and find out when the enrollment
period comes up. You can usually add at one particular time of the year, so
you need to get on the ball about this. But, make sure they don't exclude
wls, because if they have an outright exclusion that specifically states
they do not ever pay for wls, then you will be in for a fight. BCBS of TX
will not pay for surgery under any circumstances, period. If none of this
will get you the surgery, you might consider a doctor in Mexico, Dr.
Roberto Rumbaut. Several of his patients on this site speak highly of him,
and say that their lap rny or lap adjustable band surgeries were only
around $10,000 or less. That covers everything but the flight down to
Monterrey, and I think your lodging. (I had considered this route as my
insurance is being a real bear about approving). Whatever course you
choose, I just pray you will get this surgery. Good luck and don't give up.
— Diana M.
May 18, 2001
The fact is that your Ma-in-Law gave the money to you for the sole purpose
of extending your life. She did not give it to your husband to go pay the
bills- NOR did she give you the money to go pay bills... or to save it for
your child. So there is your answer. Either give the money back to
Ma-in-Law, or get your surgery done. Husband's opinion is moot.
Your life is worth more than even bankruptcy.
— Karen R.
May 18, 2001
I agree with Diana! If you were to pay off the bills now and later get more
comorbidities because of your weight then how will he be able to pay your
health bills along with any other bills? If he were to lose you due to
these comorbidities, how will he pay for and raise your daughter? The most
reasonable route is to take care of your health now so that you will be
able to and around to help him in the future. That may be what your
mother-in-law is considering. Best wishes, Pam
— Pamela W.
May 20, 2001
YOU get in touch with hubby's HR dept and ask what can be done. Ask when
is the soonest you can be added as a dependent to hubby's policy. However,
there are bigger issues here. Have you taken him with you to your doctor?
Does he know MO is life threatening? I hate to say this, as you are
evidently a newlywed, but if he will not "allow" you to have
life-saving surgery... er... I mean... You're staying married to him
because?....
Another thought. Give him a brochure from a local mortuary with costs of
casket, flowers, etc., and ask if he'd rather pay this bill instead.
The fact that you gave us HIS email to try to convince him is revealing.
It means he will not listen to you. HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR BIGGEST
ADVOCATE! Wake up, Becky....
— [Anonymous]
May 20, 2001
Rebecca, your husband needs to get real and not thinks so much about the
almighty dollar. He should consider it found money. You didn't have it
before and were surviving financially even thought it might have been
tough. (?) THE MONEY WAS GIVEN TO YOU SO YOU COULD HAVE A BETTER LIFE.
Can his mom step in to show her support for you. You are always going to
have bills, it's the american way. But you only live once and you have the
right to enjoy it. Keep your scheduled surgery date. You deserve it and it
is evident that your mother-in-law thinks the same thing. I am not a
selfish person, but this the one thing I am going to do for MYSELF.. Good
luck to you.....
— Betty M.
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