Question:
What do you tell people?

Hello again! Now that I have decided to have the WLS, I am wondering how or if you tell people about it. Obviously I will tell my friends and family but I am specifically wondering about people like coworkers and neighbors. I think I would feel embarrassed and uncomfortable to talk about it. My main concern is work...I need to ask for the time off but don't really want to let them know it is for voluntary surgery. Any suggestions?? Thanks, Candace    — Candace S. (posted on March 8, 2000)

March 8, 2000
Candace - I told people at work that I "need gastro-intestinal surgery" and left it at that. A couple people pressed for more information out of concern, and I told them "I'm nervous and it's going to be a long recuperation," which basically avoided their intrusive questions. As a manager, we had to let the entire department know because my work load had to be covered for several weeks. Now that I've lost almost 30 pounds in a month, when I get back to work in a few weeks they will notice the difference and I'm sure I'll face more questions but at this point I'm not planning on discussing the specific type of surgery I've had - I'll just let them know that I've had to change my eating patterns as I'm still healing inside. Keep in mind that your coworkers are curious and concerned, so you have to be ready to tell them something. I'll probably eventually talk about the surgery, but that will be in my time and on my terms and probably after I've lost a substantial amount of weight! Good luck.
   — Meg G.

March 8, 2000
Dear Candace, I personally don't feel embarrassed at all about having had this surgery and I tell EVERYONE! Coworkers, neighbors, even strangers I've just met sometimes. I feel like I'm helping to raise their awareness of what the surgery can do and helping to dispell some of the negative stereotypes that people have about it. I also don't consider this voluntary surgery--insurance companies don't cover voluntary surgery....this is surgery to fix a life threatening condition--if you were having open heart surgery would you feel bad asking for the time off work? Obviously I don't want you to do anything that will make you uncomfortable--but I really think that by keeping this a secret you would be missing out on alot of support. I wish you all the best---
   — Cheryl W.

March 8, 2000
Well I told my boss that I had to have surgery on my stomach because I was having problem with my digestive tract/intestinal problems. He said good luck, work will be here when you get back.... That was it....
   — Daphne P.

March 8, 2000
Candace, I was lucky as I had to get my gall bladder out, so that is what I told everybody. As I lose weight, I have confided in more people, but only those I really can trust as I have been hurt before by "friends" as I am sure many of us have been. This is your life, and I suggest you share only what you want to share. Your boss does deserve to know you are going to be off of work, but he doesn't need to know every detail. Good Luck!
   — M B.

March 8, 2000
I can understand your concerns. As we suffer from morbid obesity, there are many people we deal with daily who suffer from morbid curiosity. There will always be coworkers who will become jealous of you when anything good happens to you, so be prepared for that. Check your human resources employee handbook and find out exactly what you have to reveal and to whom. If you don't feel comfortable sharing further details, then you don't have to. As for nosy people, well, my Grandmother taught me how to handle that when I was a little girl. When someone asks you a personal question you don't want to answer, simply smile and reply, "Why do you want to know?" That will usually halt any insincerity. Best wishes!
   — [Deactivated Member]

March 9, 2000
I too am wondering what I will do, I understand the ones who say we need to talk about it and bring it into the open, but then, the epoeple I work with will just think I'm to lazy to diet. My program director had the surgery 8 years ago and only told her husband. Everyone else she told them she had gallbladder surgery. When they sid anything about what she was or wasn't eating, she said they put her on a "real strict diet and she's sticking to it" I think that's a good thing, and will satisfy most everyone at work. I am telling all my friends and family the truth, because I need their support. (If I get my approval that is...) Do what your heart tells you. Only you know what story you can keep up for the rest of your life.
   — kit J.

March 12, 2000
To all that answered my question, I would like to say THANKS! After thinking about it for a few days, I have decided that I will tell my coworkers if they ask but I am not going to send out any memos or make any "big announcement". For those of you that advised me that I have nothing to be embarrassed about...you're right!! I am doing this for MYSELF and I am proud of the person that I am and the person I will become. Thanks again for the advice!
   — Candace S.