Question:
My boyfriend does not have any kids

But I have 4. He wants 2 of his own but I am not sure that I want to have anymore kids especially after having this surgery and losing the weight I have already lost. I really love this guy but not sure I am able to give him what he wants. I have talk to my surgeon who said that I can have kids about 18 months down the line, I just don't think that I would want to have any kids if I get to my goal weight. I also don't want to lose this guy either. He is wonderful to my kids and cares for them as if they were is own and he has told me that he would even adopt my kids after we marry, but would like to have biological kids of his own. Am I being selfish to this guy because I am choosing my weight over having his kids? 10 weeks post-op -43lb    — Lovett (posted on June 25, 2002)

June 25, 2002
Sounds like he would make a good dad. I wouldnt make any decisions for a couple months, since being a new post op is such a emotional time. Full of highs and lows. But IF you truly are done having kids then you should tell him and let him go. The need to have kids is a strong one built into us when were born.... Give him the chance to decide, please aviod stringing him along. My biggest lifes regret is not having a child, I HOPE to correct that in a year or two. Dont Since you care for this nice guy please dont set him up for a lifetime of regrets.
   — bob-haller

June 25, 2002
It doesn't sound like you really are choosing your weight over kids, because you already have children. I know you want to please your guy, but you need to examine what you want and need. Do YOU want more kids? Six of them? And don't forget to look at the situation with logic. Can you and your boyfriend support six children? Do you have enough time and money to provide each child with the attention he or she needs? If you feel like you are able to support another child AND you want one, then and only then should you consider it. Don't rule out what you want just to please your man. As the mother, you will most likely me the parent that has the children most of the time. Really think about this. Good Luck and best wishes.
   — Sarah K.

June 25, 2002
I don't know your age, but if you aren't a slave to your biological clock, why not have the best of both worlds? Enjoy being skinny for a couple of years ... and when you feel that you are totally in control and can handle another pregnancy (or two) and still maintain your weight afterwards, go ahead and get pregnant (if it's something you really want to do). Hard decisions, I know.
   — Terissa R.

June 25, 2002
It's funny --- you always want what you don't have! I had one daughter 19 years ago and my tubes tied 16 years ago. Her father and I stayed married for 20 years and then divorced. Prior to the divorce, I had an ablation (which means I REALLY can't get pregnant again). The doctor warned me that it was a trade-off, no pregnancy, but normal periods. I wanted it because my husband and I didn't want more kids. Then he left me for another woman (who had 3 little children, how ironic) and I remarried a man who had never had children. Now I want them and can't have them!! BUT bottom line is if you really don't want children, don't have any more even if it means losing this wonderful man. But think too, how wonderful it will be to be pregnant without getting all fat! You can be one of those pregos that people say, "Why! It's all in your belly --- You don't even look pregnant from behind!"
   — Nell C.