Question:
Am I the only one with this problem
I've been divorced for 20 years. I gained 100 lbs that first year and then an additional 80-90 lbs. over the next years. My 2 daughters are now grown. I decided early one that they would come first and I would not have them spend additional time with a sitter so I could go out. Plus I was very hurt and didn't want to be hurt again. I have not dated in all these years. I had RNY on 3/6/02 and I've lost 136 lbs. I have been approved for resconstructive surgery--breasts, stomach and knees (arms were denied). My problem is this--I don't know any eligible men and I don't go anywhere that might have any. I work in a small office (I'm the manager)and our clientele are the elderly and disabled for the most part. Not exactly what I'm after. Don't suggest Church because I am active at Church and there isn't anyone. I do not drink, smoke, or party and I don't want to. It's not so much sex that I miss, but now that I've lost weight, I seem to miss the companionship a relationship would bring. I want to be inportant to someone. I want someone to care about me and treat me special. Others talk about how men are now eye balling them. I don't know if I am so used to not paying attention to things like that or what, but I don't notice it. Maybe I just give off the vibes that I'm not interested, I don't know. Maybe I'm still just scared. Actually I probably wouldn't even know how to act on a date. I work out at Curves, which I have preferred because of my size and embarassment. But now I'm thinking after I have the reconstructive surgerym I might join the YMCA and work out there. A part of me is scared a man might notice me and part of me is scared he might not. Gee, do you think I have a few issues to deal with. Any suggestions? By the way I'm 48, with a college degree, intelligent and at least fairly attractive. — jan M. (posted on February 5, 2003)
February 5, 2003
I'm married (almost 10 years) but my cousin just got divorced last year
after 16 years of marriage. She was having the same problems. She works
with the elderly so no men there and she doesn't drink or go clubbing. She
decided to try those dating ads on the internet. She tried Yahoo's and
Cupid Junction and has been dating up a storm! She said the first couple
dates were really hard because she hadn't dated too many men before. (She
married her high school sweetheart) but now she's having a ball. You might
try taking a community class at your local college....something you've
always wanted to learn. Or joining a sports team such as bowling. Good
luck to you!
— Leah H.
February 5, 2003
Jan your sooo cute!!! no really you are cute and you really ought to join
the Y. There are some really nice single men there...I might be able to
introduce you to a couple!?!?!? But you know the previos poster had a good
Idea too about going to the college and taking some classes...HCC has lots
of non-trad students and it might be fun!!! take care...I'll see ya at the
next support group meeting!!!
— Deanna_K
February 5, 2003
Hi Jan:
My advice is to begin or continue a hobby that is male oriented. I don't
know where you live, but I love to fish, and often meet and talk to many
men that way. Although I am married and go with my husband, it is a
predominately male sport. Maybe you could go on a charter, if you don't
have your own equipment. It seems most of the men who indulge in this
hobby are nice too. Also, as the previous poster said, joining a bowling
league or maybe a volleyball league at the Y would be good. If you have a
dog, by all means walk him/her. So many people meet while walking their
dogs. Good luck.
Love Grace
— Grace H.
February 5, 2003
I met my husband on Christian Match Maker.com! It was love at first e-mail
and we've been married for over 3 years now.
— Arlene C.
February 5, 2003
I have to admit that when I read this question I sent Jan an e-mail because
I was afraid to mention that I met my boyfriend on Cupid.Com. I am so glad
to see the other posters that have done this as well. Thanks for allowing
me to open up. By the way he is a wonderful man and I love him very much.
— tulagirl
February 5, 2003
I met my hubby through a local radio date line. Here after we dated
several times we found out that we have been running a paralell course our
whole lives especially the last 3 years since we both divorced. When we
discovered we had the same mutual friends from our previous marriage we
went together to visit them. They opened the door and laughed cause they
never thought to put us together!!! Life has been wonderful and exciting
and new! I am with him for four years and married two
— cindy O.
February 5, 2003
Hi Jan: My husband and I met through ChristianCafe.com. We just
celebrated our one-year anniversary last Sunday. He's just as wonderful
today as the day we met. You have to be careful - there are creeps - but
there are creeps at the YMCA too! We're the exception the rule - but it
does happen. Best wishes and congratulations on your weight loss!
— jnc
February 5, 2003
I met my husband on the Yahoo personals. I ans. his ad, we met, dated for 3
months, proposed at 4 months, got pregnant 1 month into the engagement and
were married 7 months later. We've been together for 3 years the 26th of
Feb. As long as your safe about it, I think personals are a great way to
meet people. Good luck!!
— Heather B.
February 6, 2003
I'll toss my hat to the personals as well, either internet or newspaper.
It's a great, non-stressful way to meet people. Usually, when you're
talking to someone on the phone, you can kind of tell if they're
"OK" or not, if you know what I mean. I met my husband through
the personals (he calls them the "horny" ads!!) six years ago,
and it worked well for us. Before I met him, I had dates with some nice
men that way. Give it a try - and since you're a church-going person,
maybe the various Christian singles groups would be a great way to start.
Congratulations on your weight loss! That's just wonderful.
— Carlita
February 6, 2003
Thanks, you guys for being so honest. Jan, I know exactly what you mean! I
am just in the process of getting divorced and not quite ready to run out
and start dating. But I admit that the prospect has me scared
"spitless!" :) Thanks for posting the question. I know that in a
few months I'll be looking this one up in the library!
— ctyst
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