Question:
why am i not overjoyed with my succses?
i had wls may 21 03 starting 292 lost 122 now at 170 , i get compliments , i see myself differant sometimes , but im not over joyed , like ive never rewared myself , like some people do after so much off , i just dont feel happy , i have lots of prob at home legal , xboy friend ( hes 68 im 39) came very obseesive and abusive with my loss )taking me to court , to strip my house , after helping me after my house burnt down a yr ago,we break up and now he wants everything , had to hire a lawyer , which i cant aford 3 boys 17,18,22 , pure red neck red blooded boys , courts , god i hate court rooms , i wanna run away,i am so tired , i told them so , its my turn,i raised alone for the last 12 yrs , and middle one decides to become involed in his (sperm donor ) life , was married 16 yrs to him thats what i call him , hes not been around in 10 yrs , that hurt , wells he(son) back cuz hes gf and him broke up , well wheres daddy ? hmm bum, my mommas been in hosp , my sister husband died a few months ago , i was with him , my bro overdosed, on venalator for 3 weeks , he made it , i am seing a man couple yrs younger , hes a trucker , so i do have my space , other one smothered to the point of not breathing , i know im writting very personal things but have no friends well one in tn , my x slept with my friend 10 yrs ago , so as far as friends i keep them at arms length , but i am so lonely , i someimtes dont even get dressed , stay home cant work , i seem to always be angry , or waitng on the next bad thing to happen , cuz it does ,had back surgerys , i wont go see anyone as far as a shrink, is it just i dont have the time or energey to be proud of me ? im willing to hear any comments , cant hurt , huh? i need plastics so bad , i think elaphant skin, ugly , well ya cant have it all , linda_dreams — mslinda_dreams (posted on February 25, 2004)
February 24, 2004
linda,
I am sending good thoughts your way. I am sorry for the distress in your
life. Congratulations on the weight success. I hope you can create that
success in other areas of your life.
Take care of yourself.
— Ann B.
February 24, 2004
Hi Linda, It sounds like your life has been chaotic, at the very least, for
quite some time now. You have many issues that you must deal with and
there is no one single or perfect solution. Here are some things I would
do. First and foremost I would see a counselor immediately. I would be
completely honest with the counselor and then I would follow his advice no
matter how hard it seems. I see that you don't work so I'm thinking you
may be on disability. If so, vocational rehab can offer you counseling.
If you are not on disability you can seek out your local mental health
authority and they can arrange counseling. Second, I would evaluate my
situation and choose the battles you can win and fight them and give up the
battles you know you can't win. For example - you can't cure an obsessive,
abusive ex-boyfriend. It may be in your best interest to walk away from
everything. I've never had to start over personally but I imagine it would
be terribly difficult. But, I don't imagine it would be any more difficult
than battling it out with an abusive ex-boyfriend. As far as your children
- I have had to deal with my own boys who are now 19 and 21. At one point
it was necessary to tell the youngest one to find another place to live.
His behavior was unacceptable and we'd raised him to be a better person.
Tough love was so hard but it transformed him into a much, much better
young man that we are now very proud of. I would also encourage you to
read back over your original post and evaluate each statement....you are
always angry - well of course you are and it seems like you deserve to
be...............you are always waiting on the next bad thing to happen -
that's justified too because you've had so much negativity in the recent
past...........you don't get dressed and can't work - sounds like classic
symptoms of depression and you deserve help.........you hold friends at
arms length - people have betrayed you in the past but it doesn't mean that
everyone will..........you want to run away - maybe you should. Your boys
are old enough to look after themselves for awhile. If you can't afford to
run away for a few days then get your boys to go stay with friends and tell
them not to call unless they're sick or injured and take some time for
yourself................you don't have the energy to be proud of yourself -
well I'm proud of you. You've experienced wonderful success in the face of
adversity and there are hundreds of folks here who are very, very proud of
you...........you won't go see a shrink - reevaluate this decision.
Counselors are amazing. They're almost like your own personal cheerleader
and advisor all rolled into one. They are there for you and you alone. I
promise that you will not regret counseling and urge you to try it.
Finally, try to learn to love yourself. You've triumphed over things that
would have caused many of us to give up but you're still trying. Don't
give up on yourself - we're not giving up on you! Best wishes to you.
— ronascott
February 24, 2004
You're not overjoyed because you have too many other things getting in the
way. Very understandable. Your life is a mess. So, what are you going to do
about it? Only you can help you. Counseling might help but I know right now
that seems totally overwhelming. OK, how about your regular doctor. Tell
him/her that "Sometimes I don't even get dressed, stay home can't
work, I seem to always be angry or waiting on the next bad thing to
happen." Ask for anti-depressants. They take a couple weeks to start
helping. Next, always make yourself get up, dressed, wash your face and
brush your teeth. You can then go back to bed if you want. After you get
use to getting dressed everyday, try taking a walk every day. Excursive
really helps. Find something to look forward to. Do not allow other people
to decide how you feel. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself.
Hang in there, things will get better.
— Sunny S.
February 24, 2004
HI LInda- sounds like you need a break!!!! It does sound like you are
depressed and have some anxiety that leaves you confused and unproductive
in life. My advice to you is to simply stop! Stop worrying about your
boys- they are old enough now to figure things out. Secondly, Don't let
any man or anybody take your energy away again. It sounds like the people
around you are "sucking" you dry of any chance of being happy.
Every person on this earth deserves to be happy and it is up to each of us
to find what will get us where we want to be. You are capable of getting
youself out of this mess. Take a trip to see some distant family or a
friend in another town, sometimes it helps to step out of your life and
observe it from afar. A new perspective on the events and circumstances of
your life may bring some things into light that you are missing because you
are right in the middle of a mess. Don't give up- and be proud of your
weight loss. If you took the initiative to better your health and have
this surgery, You have it in you to conquer anything that comes your way-
pat yourself on the back and let yourself feel the empowerment you have
earned. Try to block out your present environment and people that are
dragging you down. Concentrate on where you want to be- map out a plan on
how you are going to get there. Good things will start to happen for you
sometimes it just takes a lot of work. Hang in there. As far as the
plastics- I can totally relate to your "elephant skin" Well at
least we can hide it underneath clothes and who knows maybe someday a
miracle will occur and we'll be able to afford the procedures- I told my
hubby it will be no different than financing a new car! I need new
"headlights" and a new bumper would be nice, not to mention the
arms and legs!!! lol!
— lyndaleigh
February 25, 2004
I notice most people don't feel overjoyed. But then again, most thin
people don't feel overjoyed either. Life is hard sometimes. Being thinner
does not guarantee happiness. Just better health. Best of luck.
— mrsmyranow
February 25, 2004
All of these answers hold some amount of resolution for you, but my doctor
had some incite for me the last time I was there and suffering from
depression. People that are overweight usually get there by overeating
during their times of stress which helps them to cope with lifes disasters.
Once we have surgery, yes we lose weight, we regain our health, we look
better and we should by all accounts be happier and we are shocked when we
aren't and can't decide what our problem is. We no longer have an outlet
for our frustrations! My doctor put me on Wellbuterin XL, I have restarted
my exercise plan, I am making myself go out of the house more, I am making
myself open the drapes to let in the sun, I am forcing myself to call my
friends, I am going to the library just to do something different, I am
reading again and renting movies but only things that are uplifting and
entertaining = nothing depressing or that will give me bad thoughts. You
have to be responsible for taking the steps to make you happy. Your life
is such a mess right now that it is kind of obvious that no one else is
trying to make you happy. Dedicate "good" time to yourself. You
deserve it. You have raised your sons by yourself now they have to do the
rest. If they are turning to the "sperm donor" it is just out of
curiosity and not turning against you. They will come around with
maturity. Turn your energy or what is left of it to yourself.
— buhret
February 26, 2004
Linda,
First: Go out and buy - or order from Amazon.com - What Do You Say When You
Talk to Yourself? by Dr Shad Helmstetter. As one person aptly put it,
therapy is probably what you need, but it may be too overwhelming right
now. So get this book and get to work on yourself. It is your life and you
CAN do it!! We believe in you! Medication will help you out of the rut, but
you have to be prepared to let it build up for several weeks, first.
Staying angry and lonely is a choice, Linda. So is peace. If you're
writing, you're looking for a change, so choose. And if you choose peace (
a journey - not a destination) it'll take energy - but so does the
suffering you describe. If you went through the effort of WLS, you can
stand a little more effort for your own peace of mind.
Second: None of the people in your life has the answer for you. You need a
MUCH higher power than these men. Find a good church and let faith uplift
you. If you don't have that faith now, ask for help!! It is there for you.
Lots of recent research has shown how faith helps the healing process -
physically and mentally.
— jbrugman
February 26, 2004
Linda...First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have had quite a weight loss and
should be very proud of yourself. I on the other hand do agree that
Counseling is something you should look into. I have had to have counseling
for depression in the past and have found it very helpful. I too as another
poster has admited to, was the TOUGH LOVE for my son. It is hard, but we
as Mothers/Fathers are not always gonna be around, so our children need to
learn to be on their own at some point in their lives. As far as ex's
goes....Walk away from that mess...you can always start over with a fresh
outlook on life if you do this. No inanimate object is worth the stress
that you are putting yourself thru. You had this surgery to make a
difference in your heath and life, don't let the stress from this make you
sick. You deserve better, but you are the only person in your life that can
make those change for the better. I am speaking for myself, but am sure
others will agree...You need someone you can talk to about the issues you
are dealing with and you sound like anti-depressants may be something that
you need to help get you over this hump in your life. If this is something
you can't afford or just need someone that will listen, you can always drop
me an e-mail and I will respond as soon as I read your email. My email
address is [email protected]
Deb
— Deb S.
February 26, 2004
Hello Linda, I felt I needed to go to your profile after I read your
question on Q&A! I honestly do think you are depressed. And I wanted to
write to you to tell you that it is not your fault for being depressed, 90%
of the time it is a medical thing. My wonderful husband of 10 years is
bi-polar. Boy, have we gone through some hell times! And he has finally
come to the conclusion that he will be on Lithum and other meds for the
rest of his life. He is a whole new person,Linda. It took him and I 2
years before we found the right doctor who got him on the right meds. I
have gone through multipul suicide attemps, self medication with alchol and
street drugs to mental hospital stays to half way house, to him being
arrested. This is not the man I married, but now life is good. He never
misses his meds and knows that life will turn to crap again if he doesnt.
I am not saying you are anything near bi-polar or any of these things I
have listed. Just want you to know you are not alone and if you are
clinically depressed please help your self with medication. You sound like
a great woman, who has had to fight for about everything you have gotten in
life. If this isn't the problem than I pray for you that you will find out
what is so you can get on with enjoying your new life as a smaller person.
Remember, we all have to help one another on here and I hope you get back
to me so we can talk more. Also, the pics on your profile don't come up on
my computer. If you can send me a pic of you that would be cool too. Hope
to hear from you!
— Laura F.
February 26, 2004
there are some really good people out there , thank ya'll just knowing im
not invisable , makes me feel better , i do take wellbrtrin sr, for
depressionand zanax for nerves , i cant run away , even a day , i have a 30
yr old appaloosa quarter horse , ive had since i was 15 , 25 yrs , she has
to have two meds twice a day , and my momma needs looking after , my boys
at this time are very untrust worthy, im ashamed to say it , cuz i tried
hard to raise them right , i will listen to all advice , i guess i just
needed picking up and dusted off , thank you , linda_dreams
— mslinda_dreams
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