Question:
I really need help with my eating problem: all or nothing.

Hi, everyone. I have discovered that I'm on the brink of messing up this wonderful gift I've been given, and I don't know if I can stop myself. Let me explain. I am 6 months post-op, started at 227, 5'1", BMI of 42. I have lost 65 lbs. and am 30 lbs. from goal (but would like to lose about 45 more), and am very grateful for that. My weight loss has slowed down to the point of stopping, and I'm afraid it's going to stay the same or go up because of what's happening with me. One of the reasons why my weight is at a virtual standstill is that i've been eating the wrong things. My problem is actually threefold. See, I rarely dump. I can eat most things without dumping (had a brownie today, in fact), and although I still experience the restriction portion of the surgery, the fact that I don't have that negative feedback of dumping on the wrong things is really getting me in trouble. My second problem is I work in a law office where we have a lot of food around all the time. At our firm, i work on the floor that has the conference rooms/kitchens, and the attorneys are constantly ordering lunch for clients and meetings. The leftovers (which are plentiful and daily) get passed on to the employees. Plus, there is the Friday morning breakfast that many of us participate in (bagels and the like), and there are also many food parties for the various holidays, plus floor luncheons. I can be honest and say the fact that I couldn't say "no" when food was offered to me pre-op was the majority of the reason why i was MO in the first place (I believe it goes way back to my early childhood when i was neglected by mother, and ended up eating cat food when she left me to fend for myself many times). I thought the combination of the dumping syndrome and the physical restriction would really work for me, but i began to try small bits of items that weren't good-choice foods, and began to realize that i could "get away with it." That's set up a nasty cycle for me. Don't get me wrong - i'm not completely out of control. In fact, i can really go either way on food: i can go all day and forget to eat (usually on the weekends), or i just eat all the wrong things, even when i plan my day out nutritionally and bring in my lunch/snacks. In fact, it seems to me that i when i plan out my day and make a conscious effort to remember to eat, it backfires on me and makes me obssess about food. if i could get away with not eating during the day, or possibly just focusing on three meals, i might be okay, but there is constant emphasis (from my doctor, and the wls community) to eat several small meals throughout the day. this leads to endless temptation with my work situation I should point out that I have an appointment to see a psychologist in about two weeks, and I plan on trying to get counseling for this, but I want to hear from others who may be experiencing this very thing. About a year ago, i was assigned to do a project in college about bulimia, and in my research, discovered so many similarities between myself and the women and men who suffer from this syndrome. In fact, i found another eating disorder which almost exactly mimics bulimia, with no purge cycle, only bingeing. Again, I plan on taking this information further by visiting a mental health professional, but really would like to hear from others who found they needed further help besides the surgery, especially those who dump very little or not at all, and any practical solutions/self-help you've discovered. Thanks in advance for your help!(Open PROXIMAL RNY, 7/7/03, 5'1", 227/162/132) — sweetmana (posted on January 9, 2004)

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January 9, 2004
Hi Sweetie! I admire you candor and honesty. It's not easy to admit when we are still in the grip of food. I participate in an accountability e-group called GetBOT. It makes a tremendous difference when you're accountable on a daily basis. I started with the group on Dec. 29th and I've lost 5 pounds. I'm only 15 pounds from my personal goal. I wear a size 10 or 12 but I really want to be in an 8 and I surely don't want to regain. The accountability group is so supportive and helpful. Everyone is wonderful. If you'd be interested in checking it out the address is: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GetBOT/ I'm sending good thoughts your way and hope you find your solution. Best wishes.
— ronascott

January 9, 2004
YOU ARE DOING GREAT IN YOUR WEIGHT LOSS YOU STARTED OUT LIGHTER AND ARE REALLY DOING GREAT.GIVE YOUR SELF A TREAT.A MASSAGE,MOVIE,PETACURE,CLOTHES OR SATIN PJS,WE NO LONGER NEED FOOD TREATS TO FEEL GOOD.I AM ALSO 6 MONTHS OUT AND I WILL PASS ALONG S FEW TIPS ON FOOD.MY SURGEONS ADVISE.EAT DRINK WATER,AND MOVE. EAT 3 MEALS A DAY-PROTIEN FIRST ALWAYS THIS FILLS YOU UP QUICKLY AND YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT BECAUSE WE ARE SO USE TO LARGE QUANITY.YOU NEED WATER MORE THAN WE NEED FOOD.NEVER DRINK WITH FOOD WAIT ONE HOUR SO YOUR STOMACH WILL STAY FULL AND KEEP YOUR STOMA SMALLER.DRINK PROTIEN DRINKS TO SUPPLEMENT MUCH BETTER THAN ANIMAL PROTIEN.EAT COMPLEX CARBS MOSTLY VEGGIES.3 MEALS A DAY NOT EATING FOR MORE THAN 15 MINITES WE CALL ALL EAT ALLDAY SLOWLY.GET FULL THAN STOP.IF YOU NEED A SNACK HAVE A SNACK BUT STAY AWAY FROM WHITE CARBS,SUGAR,FLOUR,BREAD,PASTA,RICE,. I HAVE FOUND IF I DRINK A HOT BEVERAGE LIKE S/F COCO OR TEA IT WILL SATISFY ME OR A TEASPOON OF PEANUT BUTTER IT REALLY STICKS TO YOU POUCH FOR A LONG TIME.I HAVE A DIFFICULT CHOOSE BETWEEN EATING OR DRINKING I STAY FULL SO LONG.I HAVE ONE THING LEFT GOING FOR ME I DO NOT KNOW IF I DUMP I HAVE NEVER ATE SUGAR YET I REFUSE TO.I DONT WANT TO DUMP OR WORSE I DONT WANT TO KNOW I WONT.WELL I DIDNT MEAN TO RAMBLE, RELAX YOU ARE DOING FINE AND GIVE IT 2 WEEKS AND YOU WILL LOSE MORE. TRY NOT TO GET DISCORAGED WE HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN!!!!! GOOD LUCK.
— patty L.

January 9, 2004
You and I have a lot in common. I'm six months post op and also work in an office with food and candy around almost all of the time. I've had wonderful success with WLS, I've lost about 90lbs, but I'm living in fear that this will be all I lose. Over the holidays (and even now) I have been "sampling" all the sugary foods I can find. I don't dump either and the sweets have always been a problem for me. The previous posters had some very good suggestions. I say if three meals a day will help you gain control, even though your doctor has suggested several small meals a day, eat the three meals. You know what works best for you. Sometimes I feel that the feeling of losing control is self-sabotage, my mind has been doing a number on me for months now: head hunger, constantly wanting to eat something, etc. When I feel out of control, I go back to lots of water and just try to leave the sugar alone. Another thing I do is keep track of what I eat every once in a while on Fitday.com It shows me that even though I may have made a bad choice that day, my calorie intake was still within reason and I shouldn't give up. I still want to lose about another 90-100lbs, I'm 5"3" and started at 348lbs. I'm thrilled with my decision to have WLS, and I want to use the tool correctly. Daily I try to remind myself that the choices are mine, I choose what I want.... to be overweight or finish what I started and get the next 90lbs off. Best of luck to you. Let's make the choice to stick with it. And to use a cliche...nothing tastes as good as thin feels!
— Teri M.

January 9, 2004
Practical solutions and self help ideas aren't going to help you in the long run. What you need is to get into therapy to understand your eating disorder, and then learn how to control it. For years, I denied I had an eating disorder, and it wasn't until my divorce, and losing 30 pounds in two months without even trying, that I took a long hard look at myself and realized I HAD been using food to fill some emotional voids, and with his leaving, those voids disappeared, and I didn't need food. I went into therapy to undertand why I used food like that, and, more importantly, how to stop. I did this before WLS, and those lessons still serve me. Recently, I was having some relationship problems, and found myself eating all the time (I NEVER dump, and also have an enlarged stoma, so have no portion restrictions). For a week or so, I blamed everything else on my insatiable appetite, until I finally admitted to myself how unhappy I was with the relationship. Once I admitted that to myself, I was able to control my eating once again, and also ended the relationship when he wasn't willing to help me fix it. I got back on track and lost the 5 pounds I had gained. I'm more than two years out, and even with no dumping or portion control restriction, I have been able to maintain my 100+ pound lose, because I never lose sight of why I did this surgery. I can eat anything - ANYTHING - and as much of it as I want. But I never would have been able to maintain the control I have without therapy. Remember - they operated on our bodies, not our minds, and if you were willing to "fix" your body, then why not make the investment of time and money to "fix" your mind?
— Cyndie K.

January 9, 2004
Your possible weakness means you headed in the right direction. I also work in an environment where a lot of food is offered FOR FREE - however, I will choose the meats and other protein low carb. I do not know about you, but where I work we can call or ask the "power" people to make our food gatherings more healthty on the company bullitin board. Good Luck - I also do visuals of brownies pushing out my stomach and butt - it's not pretty LOL
— Anna M.

January 10, 2004
I think you may have summed up your problem and I quote "if i could get away with not eating during the day, or possibly just focusing on three meals, i might be okay, but there is constant emphasis (from my doctor, and the wls community) to eat several small meals throughout the day. this leads to endless temptation with my work situation" It's funny, the impression I got from my surgeon and MOST people on this site is THREE meals a day. I never could do that so I go 4-6 a day. If you can do three a day, then why not give it a try? We are all different and have different needs and situations. One size does NOT fit all. Just because I can't do three meals a day (wish I could) does'nt mean it might not be right for you! Perhaps give it a try for a week. Evaluate if you think it helped and go from there. Good luck!
— Danmark

January 10, 2004
it's really good you know what can set you up to fail. if there is alot of eating going on at work....take your own food. you could make enough to share. it could be fun trying to think of new things to bring in that are healthy and taste good. another thing i have read is the "pouch rules", it not only tells you how your pouch works ect..but how to feel and stay feeling full. this might help you alot(you can do a search in the site library for the rules).i would talk to your doctor or nurse and tell them the problems you are having with how many meals you are supposed to get in a day. i am sure they want the best for you and tell you it is fine to do the 3 meals instead of eating all day and risking temptation. i'm feeling the same way you are right now.
— franbvan

January 10, 2004
My answer is going to be a little different from the others. I, too, work in an environment where we often have goodies on the table in the open kitchen I must walk by to get to the rest of my co-workers several times a day. I allow myself to indulge in whatever is out on the table, even if it is every day. What I do, though, is to have a small amount of whatever it is I want. If it was a brownie, it would be 1/2 of a brownie, or 1/2 a donut. And that would be it. That way I get a little treat, yet, do not over do it by having 1,2,3 or more. And, most of all, I don't feel deprived, which is how I felt, along with stressed, when I denied myself a taste. I would obsess too knowing that the food was back there and I couldn't have it..And if I broke down and went ahead and ate it, I felt guilty...I can't begin to tell you how freeing it was to give myself permission to go ahead and endulge. No stress or guilt anymore.. It made me much happier to handle it this way and as long as I eat healthy meals and exercise regularly, it does not affect my weight. What works for me or what works for others may not work for you. You have to try whatever you can to find the formula for you. For some after WLS,they avoid all sugar completely or all carbs because that is what works for them. If you think sticking to 3 meals a day would work, give it a try. Just don't get down on yourself if it doesn't work, you just have to find what does work for you.
— Cindy R.

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