Question:
I am afraid for my family & friends if I do pass away! HELP!
I am not afraid of dieing, however I am more afraid for my friends and family and the hurt I will put them through if I pass away. I am also afraid of that moment I have with my family right before I go into surgery not knowing if I am going to make it or not! I was condfident that I would make it through this surgery because I am 20 years old with a BMI of 49. (Thats high BMI but there have been people with MUCH higher that have gotten this surgery and made it through) but I have a borderline enlarged right ventricle and the cardiologist said most overweight people have enlarged hearts so I shouldnt worry and its actually suprising its not larger considering my weight. Since I heard that I have an enlarged heart, I have convinced myself I am going to die. I dont know how to deal with this! I want to go through it REALLY badly, but I cant put that emotional strain on my family if I were to pass away! Please Help! Somebody talk some sense into me!! — Nicole0105 (posted on February 19, 2002)
February 19, 2002
Hi Nicole, I just want to tell you that I strugggle with the same exact
thing. I am so afraid of what I am MIGHT do to my son and my family. But
you know what? We have got to have a possive attitude about this! This is
so common for us to go through, so I have been told. My surgery is the day
after tomorrow.. Just trust in God, we'll do fine!
And prayers from so many people are going to help! I think that positive
attitude will help too! I think its VERY important. Good luck with
everything! I will definately say a prayer for you :)
— Summersect
February 19, 2002
Most of us felt the same way before surgery, and the guilt was almost
unbearable. I would beat myself up about not trying another option(as if I
hadn't tried them all.) Pray and seek guidance from a higher power. No
one can give you a guarantee that you'll wake up. Of course, no one can
give you a guarantee you'll wake up tomorrow. Think positive and plan your
lighter, much happier life. Good luck and bless you.
— Tammy W.
February 19, 2002
Having an abnormal BMI can only last so long. Millions of people die
because their heart, or major organs can not take it any more, not to
mention our joints. The complications for the surgery are a small
percentage, to go on living, (if thats what you call it) obese is certain
you will die pre-maturally.
— lena W.
February 19, 2002
Just to add my 2 cents worth. The other posters are right about the fact
that any of us could die any time due to thousands of things other than
WLS. The percentage of people who die because of the surgery is WAY less
than the percentage of morbidly obese people who die because of heart
disease, diabetes, stroke, etc. It is normal to feel some fear and
anxiety. It may also help to think of how much better your life will be
without all that extra weight. I'm over 50 and wish this had been
available to me when I was 20. Good luck and feel free to email me if you
like.
— garw
February 19, 2002
Let me ask you a couple questions. Do you drive/ride in a car every day?
Do you fly in airplanes? Cross a road on foot? Eat grapes? All of these
things carry a risk with them each and every time you do it, yet I'm
willing to bet you do each and every one of them and never think about
dying because of it. Another question - If you needed heart surgery to
live, would you go through with it, even knowing that there is a slight
risk you would die? I'm not being mean. I've asked the same question to
this board before. I'm petrified of what my children's lives would be like
without me, but I won't let it keep me from the surgery. I love my
children with all my heart and all my energy. They are a big reason for me
doing this. I want the energy and stamina that go with a lower weight so
that we can enjoy our lives more than we already do. It's worth the slight
risk if you ask me. Good luck to you!
— Katy B.
February 19, 2002
Hi Nicole, You sound like I did when I had my surgery. I have 2 boys and a
great husband I did not want to leave!!
But I talked w/ all of them,and cried of course. But I also
have a great faith in God, and know He is in control, we don't know when
our time will be, i told my family if I died, then I died doing something I
really wanted and needed, not to be too sad. But I made it!!!!!!! and you
will too!,One thing to think about is how long you live w/out the surgery,
and if you do, what quality of life will you have, not being able to tie
you shoes, fit in a plane seat, restraunt booth, climb stairs etc. Not to
mention your low self-esteem. You are so young and have your whole life
ahead of you, You can do anything. Your age may even be a blessing.
You'll probably will recover super fast too.
You hear many of us say we wish we could have done this when
we were 20. I know you'll be fine. You go girl!!!!
— Cindee A.
February 19, 2002
hi nicole....i too have have heart problems and under went open rny 3
months ago....
i have a enlarged left ventricle and also svt and a genetic condition so
there were alot of risk factors involved i had a bmi of 41 its now 34 ....
i had a aneathatist from icu who said if he couldnt handle the job he
wouldnt of taken it on as everydeath gets recorded and he didnt want to
blacken his name or risk my life..he was pretty honest..
anyway i was in surgery 5 instead of hours due to the beta blockers i take
as this can make your blood pressure go up so they treaded gently but i
came through and so can you...
there are alot of people everyday who get operated on who arent aware of
underlying heart conditions the way i looked at it is they were aware of
mine and were more vigalint because of this and that reassured me..
the fear of saying farewell before going under the anesthic is raw and
scary for everyone wether you have a condition or not but dont dwell this
is the start of a new life and your heart can only benefit from weight loss
so .....GO FOR IT..
have faith and dont but obstacles in your way...
....take care...rach.nz
— Rachel F.
February 19, 2002
Hi Nicole....The feelings you are having are soooo normal. Not just with
WLS, but ANY surgery. We have no way of knowing anything 100%. What you
must do is TRUST your doctor, have FAITH in what you are doing, and put
yourself in God's hands. Have you ever had any surgery before this? If not,
then anesthesia is a very scary thing and I think all of us that have had
surgeries understand that and what you are feeling. Try to think happy
thoughts and prepair yourself mentally. Think about how very young you are,
how darling you will look in all the cutsie clothes you young kids
wear.....buy a few.....go get your hair done in a different style.....do
your nails......pamper yourself right now!!! I am a grandmother now, but I
remember when I was pregnant with my son 27 yrs. ago and would feel
"scared" that something would be wrong......my mother used to
tell me to "go shopping and buy baby clothes"!! IT WORKS!!! Keep
in mind all of the illness that comes with MO. The benefits of this surgery
far out weigh the "what ifs". Honey, I have been a nurse for many
years and have spent many hours sitting at someones bedside calming their
fears of an upcoming surgery scheduled for the next morning. You are
feeling normal emotions. PLEASE talk to your doctor about your feelings and
let him explain the low risks involved. Like everyone else has told you, we
can walk out our door tomorrow morning and not return home. Life itself is
a gamble. We have no guarantees. I have made my decision to have this
surgery because I want to run and play with my grandchildren, enjoy life,
enjoy my marriage, and most of all.....TO FEEL BETTER!! If the doctor told
you that you needed your gallbladder out....you would not hesitate, would
you? The same risks are involved. I think we have a harder time with this
surgery because it is an elective one....we have elected to do it
ourselves. You will be fine....think VERY positive and about all the
positive changes this will bring. Don't dwell on the negatives. I will keep
you in my prayers!! I hope this helps you a little.
Sending you a "GREAT BIG GRANDMA'S HUG".......Bonnie Hayes
— Bonnie H.
February 19, 2002
Hi Nicole....it is me again...first of all, let me correct the typO in my
first message...PREPARE (I spelled it prepair) LOL Anyway, the reason I am
back, it to tell you that I just read your profile and saw your pics!! YOU
ARE SIMPLY GORGEOUS!!!!!!!
— Bonnie H.
February 19, 2002
Hey there ~ I agree, your absolutely beautiful. Let go and let God, my
friend. I believe most pre-op patients have the same exact fears. Those
worries that if you think about them too much, it can bring on instant
tears. Been there - done that SO many times. When I finally had my big
grand daddy of all boo-hoo's, I started to come to grips with the fact that
the chances of me having problems or dying every single day just going to
work or walking around can be extreme, if you think about it too much.
We're going into something that is going to help us in the long run,
chances are, we will be just fine.
Let's release the negative thoughts & energy together - I promise to do
it until I get through it and you do as well. Okay? My tentative surgery
date is April the 9th but I will know within the next few days if that is
confirmed or not. I'll keep you posted.
Let Go and Let God ~
Lisa J.
— Lisa J.
February 19, 2002
Isn't it great to have such a supportive place to come when you are
worried, afraid, or confused. The reponses have been wonderful, so I really
can't add much. The only thing I would add is to remind yourself that
everything you are stressing about is totally out of your control. No
matter how you leave this earth our family is going to have a difficult
time. We can't control when we leave and we can't control people's reaction
to it. Just focus on what you can control. Making a decision to get
healthy, making sure your family and friends know you love them, and doing
everything post-op your doctor tells you to do. Much prayers and love to
you.
— Cheryl S.
February 19, 2002
Nicole,
You seem to be very loving and caring for your family:)
I have a hubby and 2 kids and sent them home from the hospital
because I didn't want them to see me so "un-Mom like" and be
scared. One thing, though, I worried them more obese than
the surgery did. Your family is slowly watching you die
now. Let them watch you regain your health! It has been
2 years since my surgery- my 14 year old daughter and I just
finished weightlifting and I am pleasingly sore- not exhausted
from walking up the stairs like I used to be. We share
many clothes and sports interests and she now respects
me- not when I layed around and ate, got larger, and lazier
because of my size. She wa interviewed on TV a few weeks
ago because she watches me play soccer (old ladies team:)
and she told all of northern Illinois how proud she was of me!
What was I doing to her emotionally when I was fat???? What
are you doing to your family now? It can and will be so
much better. What you are feeling is totally normal, but
go for it girl! Your health will be such a gift to yourself
and your family!
— M B.
November 9, 2002
Hi I am pre-op and scared of dying too. I am a single parent of twin boys
who are 18, but they are emotionally young and not ready to be alone. I
have no one in the world that could care for them if somthing happends to
them.
I really fear this and my surgery date is may 2003.
My BMI is 69 so i am at a huge risk. :(
I hope we both are ok.
GB
— Trauma Queen
November 9, 2002
Hey check this out. This is a old question. The poster had surgery, did
well and at their last prfile update lost 125 pounds and near goal:)
Surgery works and it will for YOU like it did for me and so many others!
— bob-haller
November 10, 2002
Hey guys...Im updating my post here. Well, Its been 8 months and I feel
WONDERFUL. Im down 125 lbs and I am so glad I did this. If anyone else has
the anxiety and fears that I had, I totally understand....but the chances
of you waking up on the other side like I did are REALLY good! It's just
one of those things where you have to close your eyes and take the jump.
It was definatley worth the leap, I think!! For you pre-ops out there,
reading this....Fear doesn't help the situation at all...If you want to
live a healthy, normal life...you know what you have to do! You must
realize you are doing this MOSTLY for yourself and you shouldn't let
anything get in your way. Be strong for your family and they will be
strong for you! Thanks to everyone who said I was beautiful and
gorgeous...Im actually kinda believing it now! :) and Thank you to all the
posters with the great advice. *HUGZ to everyone!!*
— Nicole0105
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