Question:
Has anyone ever gotten more depressed by focusing on their fat before surgery?

I am getting a little depressed now that I am focusing on my current weight so often before surgery. Before I guess I had just accepted being fat. I had read Camryn Manheim's "Wake up, I'm Fat!" book and said fine. I'm just fat. Now I look and see the numbers of 357 lbs and say how did this happen to me? I guess I was in denial about it all and had suppressed the rage over "why me?" and the feelings of self-hatred. Now that I have discovered weight loss surgery all of those feelings are surfacing again and I am feeling sooo depressed. I look at a mirror instead of rushing past it before and say I am truly morbidly obese or better yet "Wake UP, you are morbidly obese!" At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. Now there is hope I can get healthy again. Has anyone felt more fatter or focused more on their fat they felt prior to surgery than they ever had before in their lives? Did you guys feel more depressed about your weight pre-op?    — Toni K. (posted on November 4, 1999)

November 4, 1999
Yes, I too am more focused on my weight now that I've decided to have surgery, but I'm not more depressed. I actually feel quite empowered by the decision. I tried for years to be happy with the "fat" me. I simply cannot be happy with myself this way. I truly feel that this is the tool that will help me lose the weight and keep it off for good.
   — Jari M.

November 4, 1999
Hi Toni! I sure did become more depressed about my weight before the surgery. I kept thinking 'why am I at this point? why do I have to have surgery to lose weight'? Then I got angry, too. But I used the anger to motivate me, to keep me going up until the surgery. I used it to get through the fear of complications and failure. I got angry at the FAT, not at me, and when I would look in the mirror and see all that excess weight, I would tell it YOU'RE LEAVING SOON! And, I meant it! (Yes, I know, I'm a little 'off the beam') And now, I'm melting! Don't be depressed over your weight, Toni, rejoice in your decision to act and your choice to make a change! Good luck! Jaye Carl, open proximal RNY 7-29-99, 69 pounds gone forever!
   — Jaye C.

November 8, 1999
Toni, when I read your question I immediately identified with you. I, too, have been focusing more on my weight since making the decision to pursue this surgery.
   — Carol W.

November 8, 1999
Okay, this is embarrassing........I clicked on the area to post my answer before I was finished. Your question really hit home for me. I've spent the last 4 years learning to accept myself just the way I am and to see my beauty inside and out. But, once I made the decision to pursue WLS I've been focusing on my weight day and night. Although I feel excited about the prospect over being healthy and slim, I can't help but feel depressed at the same time. I believe one reason all this came to light was because I've recently been diagnosed with GERD and high blood pressure and am now taking medication for both. Add to that the constant back pain and numerous other ailments caused by my excess weight and it becomes a pretty rude awakening. As good as I feel about myself as a person and a successful businesswoman, the truth is that this weight could kill me. I think I find it depressing because it scares the hell out of me and I can't deny it anymore. Thanks for posting your question....it really made me think about my own situation. I wish you the best......in fact, I wish us both the best.
   — Carol W.

November 9, 1999
I too have been "ultra-depressed" recently. It's like after you lose a lot of weight and then gain it all back...that kind of depression. I have been in denial for a long time about my weight. When I went to the doctor the other day, and found out what I weighed, I wanted to cry. This is the fattest I have ever been, and I didn't even realize it until I stepped on that scale. I do have hope because of the surgery, but I can't help but question whether or not I will be the one person who doesn't lose the weight! Also, since food is my comfort, I am eating more and more! I hope this ends soon...
   — Juliana W.

February 11, 2000
I too have been riding that emotional roller coaster. I am still waiting for approval for surgery, so I am kinda in "limbo." I think the "Not Knowing" is what's hardest for me. Since I decided to have this done I have become more depressed, I feel like I'm eating more than I did before I decided to make the change in my life, whether it be because I know I'll never be able to eat like that again or because I am afraid my request for surgery won't be accepted, nonetheless I think pre-op depression is pretty common. Your making the biggest decision you've ever made in your entire life. It's overwhelming.... Good Luck.
   — Dawn E.

February 11, 2000
I hear you! If anything, I think I feel worse since I started the whole process. (I've been on Wellbutrin for mild depression for almost a year now) I just met with Neweigh in Houston on Jan. 27. Had my sleep study and blood work done one week later on the 3rd of Feb. I've already called twice to find out when the request will be assembled and sent to the insurance company. In the last 3 weeks I have been absolutley obsessed with WLS. All I can think about is when will the ins. company get it, when can I schedule surgery, etc. I want this done yesterday!! I've been to every WLS site I can find, researched the surgeon, etc. All I think about every day is what if and what will I do if I'm denied? I feel like I'm being held hostage, waiting for some burecratic machine to kick in and get going!
   — Mark T.

February 11, 2000
This is just a reponse back to those who have also experienced this issue. It has been very healing to lose 52 lbs in only 10 weeks. The pre-op depression is there but work towards the surgery and its rewards. It heals the pain. Trust me!!!!
   — Toni K.