Has anyone ever gotten more depressed by focusing on their fat before surgery?

I am getting a little depressed now that I am focusing on my current weight so often before surgery. Before I guess I had just accepted being fat. I had read Camryn Manheim's "Wake up, I'm Fat!" book and said fine. I'm just fat. Now I look and see the numbers of 357 lbs and say how did this happen to me? I guess I was in denial about it all and had suppressed the rage over "why me?" and the feelings of self-hatred. Now that I have discovered weight loss surgery all of those feelings are surfacing again and I am feeling sooo depressed. I look at a mirror instead of rushing past it before and say I am truly morbidly obese or better yet "Wake UP, you are morbidly obese!" At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. Now there is hope I can get healthy again. Has anyone felt more fatter or focused more on their fat they felt prior to surgery than they ever had before in their lives? Did you guys feel more depressed about your weight pre-op?

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