Question:
Has anyone ever had these thoughts?
I am pre-op and have been trying to have the RNY for about 2 years now. I know in my heart and without a doubt that in order to live I have to have this surgery. I have always been obese I dont ever remember being normal or thin and cant even imagine myself not extremely overweight. Sometimes this causes me to panic, that maybe I cant imagine it because its not meant to be.... I do know this sounds ridiculous but sometimes it overwhelms me and I feel very afraid. does anyone else ever feel that way? — lillbitofsin (posted on January 25, 2005)
January 25, 2005
— tonib
January 25, 2005
Robin, I do know how you feel. I was overweight from the time I was 8
years old so the thought of a thin me was extremly hard to imagine. I can
remember one night when I was in high school having a dream that I was
thin. I can remember it like it was yesterday and how upset I was that I
had to wake up. For the first time I knew what it was to have self
confidence. (You might know, it had to be in a flippin' dream!) Well, it
took another 16 years before I decided to try surgery. I was excited,
happy, terrified and worried that I would fail at this just like I did
everything else. That was my biggest fear, even more than the thought of
dying on the table. (how sad is that?) Anyway, I am proud to say that I
am about to celebrate my 7th year after WLS and I am so very happy. Being
thin doesn't make your life suddenly perfect, but it sure helps your
feelings a whole bunch. I still have a hard time seeing myself as the
thinner me. (I'm not skinny by any means, I could lose another 20 - 25
pounds) But I am happy! I hope you are able to have the surgery if that's
what you really want. I can say this though, weather you decide to have the
surgery or not, find a support group somewhere and work on your self image.
My sister is a heavy woman, but she's georgeous, self confident and very
happy. I could never find that inner peace at my heavier self, but it can
be done. My Sister is living proof. I love her and I am so proud of her. I
wish you nothing but a very happy life.(Heavy or thin!) Life is too short
to to settle for anything less.
— issymudd
January 25, 2005
The biggest problem we have after the surgery is controling the mind games.
It is a real struggle. I'm 18 months post-op and have lost 180 plus lbs
(140 lbs current weight) and I still see myself as heavy. Not obese but
overweight. The mind is hard to control. Why do you think so many people
fail at diets. The diet plans are fine, its the emotional eating we have a
hard time controling. Seeking help is highly recommend. Even now I get
help when issues with food come up. Good luck!
— Linda R.
January 25, 2005
I am not absolutely sure what you are saying, but I am one month and four
day post-op. I will share some of my feelings. First of all, unlike the
majority of people's profiles I read, I was, up until ten years ago, thin.
I actually had a beautiful body for forty something years. To make a long
story relatively short, my husband left me for another woman (by the way,
she was overweight), my best friend died of brain cancer, my youngest
daughter chose not to live with me, I blew law school, and my dog died, all
in the period of about a year and a half. Started taking Zoloft for
depression, and ate my way through a hundred pounds of Ben and Jerry's. I
put my life on hold, (until I lost the weight), and just kept gaining and
becoming more of a recluse. I finally, this year, decided to take the huge
step of having this surgery. Now, I am officially disabled, so have
MediCal. I absolutely did not believe that they would approve a $40,000+
surgery. I wasn't that overweight if we are going to compare me to the
norm that usually take this step. My BMI was 39.1, but I am 57, and have
many comorbidies. I spent every day panicking, until they approved me in
twelve days. Then I panicked, thinking something would be wrong, and I
wouldn't be cleared for surgery. Now, this is the absolute worst. For two
days post-op I had dreams that I had not had the surgery. If that is not
enough, even though I have already lost 23.5 pounds, I still don't believe
it will really work. Should you want to write to someone as rediculous as
I, feel free to do so. Good luck...believe it or not, it will be OK. Go
for it!
— lindarodham6
January 25, 2005
I'm so glad to hear that I was not the only one that felt this way. I am 6
weeks post op and I completely understand what you are saying. I did not
have trouble with approval,but I definately went through that same emotion
pre-op. email me if you need or want to talk.
— LYNNE R.
January 25, 2005
Robin, I can say I 100% agree with you. I've been heavy since I was in
kindergarten so I know also what it's like to be extremely overweight all
my life, not feeling 'normal' like you don't fit in. No, I can't imagine
myself being thin or what it could even be like to be thin and am so scared
that I'll never know. I too panic every now and then thinking that 'it's
not meant to be'. Just remember everything that happens is God's will. If
it's meant to be it will be meant to be. Keep the faith. Sister, you are
not alone in your panicking believe me. I do it all the time now especially
since I'm waiting for approval. If you'd like to exchange e-mail and talk
about it I'd love to have someone to talk with. Keep your head up!!
— Tracie
January 25, 2005
Hi Robin,
I am now 3 months post op. I want you to know that I, too, felt exactly
the same way you described. I have always been obese, except for birth,
and I thought that if I had my surgery it wouldn't make any difference at
all and I would never be normal. I couldn't imagine life differently, and
quite honestly I still can't. Now, I don't mean that totally, but I still
feel like I am the same size as I was before surgery. I have lost roughly
75lbs thus far, and I know I have a long way to go, but I don't always see
the changes that other people do. Some days I can see it, but others I
just don't. But, I have to say, I never in my wildest dreams imagined
losing 75lbs, much less in 3 months. Also, the most important thing, and
the whole reason for me having my surgery, I am beginning to feel better!
I can walk much farther now without pain, I haven't had my back issues(a
little, but no where near before), and I have more get-up-and-go! You are
so used to your life and living the way you have forever that it doesn't
seem posible, but I am here to tell you that you will lose the weight and
you will be a more 'normal' size! It will happen, and most likely it will
happen without you even realizing it. It takes some time after surgery for
our brains to catch up to our bodies. Try to stop worrying about that,
there are many other things to occupy your mind! Stay happy and continue
your journey! I wish you the best!
Amber
— septembergirl73
January 25, 2005
I was always obese, even as a kid. I had my wls last may and had exactly
the same thoughts as you. I started at 302 pounds and thought there was no
way this surgery would work for me since I have failed at everything else.
Well, it's 8 months later and I am now 155 pounds. I am still overweight,
but no longer morbidly obese. I still have some weight to lose and have
some redundant hanging skin so when I look in the mirror I still feel fat,
even though I know I was wearing a size 4X and can now get in to some small
and medium clothes. I know I have lost a lot of weight but it still hasn't
really sunk in to my brain yet. Now my fear is that I won't be able to lose
these last 30 pounds or will start to gain weight. I guess there is always
something we can worry about if we let ourselves. If I don't make peace
with my body fairly soon I am considering calling the lady who did my psych
evaluation so I can talk to her about it. So don't panic, be patient and do
what your doctor tells you and this will work. Best wishes for many happy
and healthy days ahead.
— Donna F.
January 26, 2005
robin.....i understand what you mean ....even though i didnt have a weight
problem till after i was in my 20's , I still had a problem ever thinking
about being smaller, even though ive lost 140 and still 235..(starting
weigh 375) .this is ok for me, because I dont care to be a plus size girl
, just a normal plus size girl....haha
— endure2n
January 26, 2005
I am hoping to have surgery but I've been having thoughts about "what
if I fail at this too"? I did not think I'd fail at Cambridge,
Optifast, Weight Watchers, diet aides, etc.. I lost weight - but I regained
it. By sheer will, I worked out and lost bunches - did triathlons - and
gained it back. Yeah, it is scary for me too. I realize that this is just a
tool for a time - to get yourself in check. This surgery will not make me
"normal" cause there will always be head demons. But I am willing
to take this chance. Good Luck to you!
— LadyDi9080
January 26, 2005
HI; I am 4 days pre-op and boy do I know what you are talking about. I
can't picture myself thin, have know idea who that person will be, but I
sure am looking forward to finding out. I try an think more about being
healthy and able to enjoy life than thinking about being thin.
Remeber think healthy and that is what this is all about. Hugs and prayers
— Peggy R.
January 27, 2005
Hi I felt the same way. I would look at all these magazines trying to
picture what I would look like looking in the mirror trying to think what
my face would look like. I had my surgery in may with cori centers. it is
now january. I have lost 100 lbs. I started at 255 and now weigh 155.
Everyone around me says that I look so different in fact went to a reunion
party for work and only 1 person reconized me because of my eyes. it had
only been 4 years since I saw these co workers. Until that night I did not
realize that I had changed that much. My life has changed totally. I am
going thru a lot. Some good some bad but it is worth it. Just remember you
need to exercize. You will loose the weight but only you can tighten the
excess with exercise and it helps build muscle to loose weight even faster.
My exercise was walking. first to the end of the block and then further
every week. My dog looks forward to our walks and so do I. I still have 35
lbs to go. big difference from last year.
— Penney S.
February 2, 2005
I just wanted to thank all of you for posting your replys. It is a big
help to know I am not the only person feeling this way. I am currently
waiting for approval and praying that my insurance company sees how very
important having this surgery is for me.
— lillbitofsin
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