Has anyone ever had these thoughts?

I am pre-op and have been trying to have the RNY for about 2 years now. I know in my heart and without a doubt that in order to live I have to have this surgery. I have always been obese I dont ever remember being normal or thin and cant even imagine myself not extremely overweight. Sometimes this causes me to panic, that maybe I cant imagine it because its not meant to be.... I do know this sounds ridiculous but sometimes it overwhelms me and I feel very afraid. does anyone else ever feel that way?

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