Question:
18 months post op -down 157lbs and family is driving me crazy

I had my gbladder out last Thursday and due to sore throat I have been eating nothing but sugar free ice pops-and I mean like going through a box in a day and a half. My grandmother has said certain things to me in the past about my weight and I've told her in the past before WLS surgery to stop hounding me about it-Now that I've lost so much weight she is constantly asking me can people gain the weight back and I answer her questions-Then I ask her why do you think I am gaining weight back or something I treat myself on occasion and sometimes over do it the week be4 my period, but all I've been eating is sugar free ice pops and pretzels, protein shakes anything that will go down easy-I was really pissed off when she told me If i kept eating sugar free pops they would make me gain weight-I'm like What-I knew where she was going with it like I hope you are eating right to not gain all that weight back-I'm 23 and things she says still gets under my skin-I've tried ignoring it or yelling sometime for her to back off and mind her business-I LOVE my grandmother to death but this really bothers me about her and I've been dealing with it all my life because I was always a heavy kid-now it looks like I'm dealing with it again -Like i don't want her to know what I'm eating or anything-Anyone else going through family I guess being too supportive and judgemental????HELP    — TotallyTori (posted on August 22, 2004)

August 22, 2004
First, and foremost let me congratulate you on such a big loss.Can you tell me when did you stop losing?I'm hoping my window of opportunity isn't up yet.Fortunately,I haven't experienced that yet.I'm 9 months out and my family acts as if the surgery never happened at times,which is fine with me.I'm down 100lbs.And I can honestly say it's the best feeling you can ever get.Just know that family will be family and the only way you can deal with them with a problem is to confront them head on with the problem.
   — Timeko G.

August 22, 2004
Hi Victoria! I live 3 hours west of you in Harrisburg & have had the same type of problems with my extended family. Maybe it's in the water. HA! Anyway, first we're too fat, the we're too thin, then we're sabatoging ourselves. They are never going to be happy. I just give up. For me it wasn't my grandmother (she's forgetful & just wants to know how long I'll be on a diet, I said 'Til I'm as old as you, Gran!' She just is interested and asks questions I can deal with that. I have one aunt in particular who was always petite and in her menopausal years gained like 20 pounds and no one would consider her fat (for me fat means you wear plus sizes and have to shop in special stores) anyway, she discovered Curves, which is great for her. I was very supportive and told her I thought it was great that she joined & was working for her. Then she reached over and touched my "bat wings" (which I am extremely self-conscious of)and suggested that I should join to get rid of them. I wanted to kill her, but there were witnesses. I work out at home. I don't feel the need to pay to work out, when my home program works for me ~ 315 to 117 in 18 months I think means I know how to handle myself and mange my weight loss, just like you do. You didn't lose 157# by eating the wrong things. You are a success and I don't know why your grandmother & my aunt have a problem accepting that. Maybe it's because we're not "the fat one" anymore and they can't change their image of us. I don't know. They suck. For me, I told my mom (b/c it was her sister) that I was refusing to attend any family functions where that aunt would be, unless the comments stopped. I'm not a confrontational person. I choose to deal with problems by avoiding them or making someone else solve them (I know, it's pathetic, but my therapist is helping me with that). Anyway, my mom confronted her sister. Turns out that aunt had no idea how hurtful her "little digs" really were and that she was in fact genuinely happy for me (and a little jealous). Families are judgemental by nature. I personally hate the effect it has on me. If your grandmother won't stop when you ask her, could someone else tell her to quit it before she ruins your relationship with her. I know you love your grandmother, or her comments wouldn't hurt so much. Sorry I rambled on & on, I hope maybe something helped. And I don't think it's possible to gain weight on a diet of sugar-free popcicles (what are they, like 15calories each?), pretzels & protein shakes, especially after RNY! I hope you feel better real soon. Take care.......kelly
   — klinzey

August 23, 2004
Thanks both of you for your responses I really appreciate them. To Timeko I find that my weight loss will continue as long as I don't go crazy on the carbs and when I do I notice that my body stalls, once I cut back or give them up again I notice the weight coming back off. From what I understand your window of opportunity lasts up until 24 months. I'm still hoping to lose another 40-45lbs by christmas or new years.
   — TotallyTori

August 23, 2004
Victoria ~ Yup- going thru the same thing myself. LOL First it was: "Should you be eating that?"....Now, its: "You have to eat more than that ~ You're too thin!" LOL Can't win for losin' (no pun intended, or maybe it is intended!) LOL Keep your chin up, keep taking care of yourself the way you feel fit and enjoy life!! You've worked hard and deserve all the happiness and rewards you've come to receive! *hugs*
   — chelle3081

August 25, 2004
First of all, congrats on the tremendous success. Now, think back. Did you have surgery in order to gain the approval of anybody, including grandmothers, aunts, cousins, maids, or any of their distant relatives or friends? LOL Now that you have remembered why you did it, focus on that. You are the only author of the definition of you (I read that somewhere and thought it was awesome). Take that pen back from anybody that tries to add to the definition of you. What other people cannot control, they mock or put down. The only approval you need is yours. If your health is fine, the rest of it is nothing more than a possible source of amusement if you can change your perspective from one of trying to please to one of already pleased with yourself. Grins and hugs, chris
   — Chris S.

August 29, 2004
Sometimes you have to get tuff with the people you love. Give her some of her own medicine when she makes those comments. She may not like it but you have made your point. You may want to look at your actions also. Are you playing into there hands. Be strong and stand up for yourself.
   — Linda R.