Question:
did any of you have trouble with your significant wanting you to not have the surgery
my doctor just told me yesterday that I need to lose the weight or die. My girlfriend says it is not another diet it is a lifestyle change and I can lose it without the surgery. I know that for 30 of my 37 years I have been watching my weight with no long term success, but she is worried about the risks involved with the surgery. I'm worried about the risks involved if I don't have it. — cathy G. (posted on January 2, 2003)
January 2, 2003
Cathy,
I will be 1 year post op on the 7th. My husband was against this surgery
from the very beginning. He let me go ahead with all the doctors visits and
then it really hit him that I was serious about having RNY surgery. When I
finally was approved after being denied first he told me he wouldn't even
go to the hospital when I had my surgery. I told him fine I have plenty of
family(who were against it too but they supported me anyhow) who would be
there for me and my BEST friend who is always there when I need her. He was
just afraid of loosing me when it came down to it. Well he did go to the
hospital with me and he took such good care of me. He still won't say he is
glad I had this surgery but he sees that I do eat pretty normal just not as
much as I used to eat. I haven't been sick and I have lost 80lbs. Now I am
waiting for approval for reconstive surgery. He isn't against that because
he he knows it will make me happy. You can educate them as much as you want
but if your really serious about this surgery don't let anyone hold you
back this is your decision and you do what you think is best. Good Luck!
— Bonnie S.
January 2, 2003
<b>Educate, educate, educate.</b> We have all heard that
<b><i>"Knowledge is Power"</b></i> and
<b><i>"Ignorance is bliss"</b></i>, but
sometimes that is true. My husband (God love him) was ignorate of the
surgery and if I wanted him to know more about it, it was up to me to
educate him. At first he was completely and totally against any type of
surgery. But I talked with him about, took him to support group meetings,
introducted him to ladies (and a gentleman) that had the surgery and asked
him to look at this website with me. It took some time (about a year), but
he came around. And now he tells <b>everybody</b> he meets
about my surgery! He is so very proud of me and is my biggest supporter!!
But it took him seeing for himself that other people go through this
surgery and come out on the other side as better people. And my best
advice for you is to educate yourself, your girlfriend, and those people
around you. I wish you the best on your journey. Joy
— Sue J.
January 2, 2003
At first my husband was very against my surgery...he actually
"forbid" me to have the surgery...yes, the word
"forbid" came out of his mouth...the fear of some surgeon opening
up his wife's guts and re-arranging them into a new configuration quite
frankly scared him silly.
Now, 14 months after my surgery, he is a big fan of wls...and promotes it
to people on the street...he's very proud of my success and tells people
all the time. He actually encourages me to wear my AMOS sweatshirt in
public...if I can help one person...you know the old saying. I also had
him read Barbara Thompson's book, the chapter that her husband wrote for
significant others and family members. It was VERY helpful. And of
course, watching the Al Roker special on Dateline, listening to his wife,
Deborah, talk about her fears was helpful. She said a lot of the same
things that he did a year ago...he truly knew then that he wasn't alone in
his fears. Educate!!!
Have a Sparkling Day!! ~CAE~
— Mustang
January 2, 2003
Jen my wife was against it, Went on to have surgery herself. Take her to
some support group meetings. Take a post op to dinner. Is she MO too? If
thats the case she might be scared your going to push her to do it too.
— bob-haller
January 2, 2003
Your girlfriend sounds like my husband did at first. Tell your girlfriend
that if you had been able to make this lifestyle change, doesn't she think
you would have already?? My husband looks like the cover of Muscle and
Fitness magazine and is one of the most disciplined eaters/exercisers I
have ever seen. Imagine having to live with that! He was convinced that
if I was disciplined and not lazy (yes, he thought it was laziness) that I
could look like a female version of him. He was convinced that this
surgery would not work too because he had seen me try every diet in town,
lose weight, then gain it all back. I told him that I was afraid I would
end up with diabetes, an early heart attack, and high blood pressure if I
didn't take this step. Well, I went ahead and had the surgery. Grudgingly,
he has admitted that this time it has worked and he is feeling more
comfortable that this time I will succeed. Are there risks with this
surgery? Of course, there are risks with any surgery. However, weigh that
against continuing to gain weight and your health in a morbidly obese body.
— Cindy R.
January 2, 2003
My husband was so supportive, we did everything together. He went to all
my appointments. He told me when I lost the weight all he wanted to do was
be able to put his arms around me and dance and he cried! The doctor was
very touched. My sister, on the other hand was against it until she began
seeing results. With the extra weight, I hadn't been in good health. But
now, she's very proud of me. Take your significant other to the appoinment
with the doctor and if you have support groups, take her with. The more
she knows, the better off things are! Good luck!
— dolphins94
January 2, 2003
First words out of my husbands mouth (at the top of his lungs)"NO WAY
IN H**L ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOUR SELF". My response was " if i
dont ill die" that was the end of the discussion untill my surgery was
schedualed...he wouldnt talk about it nothing. When i got schedualled he
broke down and told me that he was afraid that he would lose me in one way
or another that i would die or that when i lost the weight i wouldnt want
him any more. I eased his fear of me dieing by forcing him to sit down and
go over the info i had gathered and making him go to the support group
meetings. The other fear i tool care of by showing him i loved him. im now
3 1/2 months post op down 72 pounds and hubbie loves every minute of it lol
— Becky M.
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