Question:
How do I not tell family members about my surgery?

I'm getting RYN surgery in April. I'm not too thrilled about telling anyone on my husbands side of the family. They are very judgemental people. The only time I see them the most is on the hoildays, when everyone eats so much they cannot move any more. They may notice my limited eating around that time. How can I handle this?    — Adele S. (posted on February 11, 2002)


February 11, 2002
I ALSO HAVE JUDGMENTAL IN LAWS, I ALL TOO WELL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, I JUST BIT THE BULLET, SO TO SAY AND SAID IT, I AM NOT GOOD AT KEEPING SECRETS AND I COULDNT POSSIBLY BE THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION FOREVER RIGHT? THEY PREETY MUCH LEAVE ME ALONE AND THATS THE WAY I LIKE IT, I ONLY SEE THEM AT THE HOLIDAYS AND IF THEY DONT LIKE THE NEW ME THAN THEY CAN LOOK THE OTHER WAY, I FEEL GREAT!!
   — [Anonymous]

February 11, 2002
My family knows nothing about my surgery. By the time the holidays come around, you will be eating fairly normally. I had surgery last Jan, and by Thanksgiving, I blended in and no one noticed. Besides, I really don't think anyone was paying attention. Shelley
   — Shelley.

February 11, 2002
I didn't tell my mom that I was having surgery -- not because she wouldn't be supportive, but because I didn't want to stress her out. When I finally did tell her, she was thankful that I didn't spill the beans beforehand. As far as the eating goes, if they make a comment as you lightly load your plate -- tell them you're eating healthy. It's the truth!
   — kristinevok

February 11, 2002
I told neither inlaws/outlaws ha!! not even my own mother, these people are the type to say "you're not that big" "try this/that new diet." WLS would have been too drastic to them. I told them i was have gallbaldder removal surgery LAP. (they really did take my gb). So far I told them I lost my appetite for 2 weeks after surgery, and I lost 15 # so I decided to do the Atkins diet and keep going, (high protein/low carbs) So far so good, no one suspects. I hate lying, but this way there is some truth to what I'm doing dietwise. ANd I don't have to hear their &%#@!
   — Cindee A.

February 11, 2002
I am with Cindee! I did it exactly the same way. I think for me, coming from a very dysfunctional family, I couldn't tell them, because they are unable to be supportive. Even now, they are resentful- not happy that I lost 140 pounds and got my life back. I have been telling people now- not family, but if it gets back to them, I will be ok with telling them since I have maintained for 1 year. I also think I was afraid of failing and didn't want any "I told you so's" or unsupportive remarks they are so capable of making. I now know I won't fail, so..... Good Luck!
   — M B.

February 13, 2002
I told only the two people I felt I could trust the most and who I knew would be supportive, my spouse and my adult daughter...all was going well until today (-70 lbs) when I found out my daughter betrayed my confidence telling the person I wanted to know the least. It was devastating. I also have very judgemental in laws and they are the last people I wanted to know. I NEVER thought my secret would not be safe. I don't blame you for wanting to protect your privacy, but be prepared.
   — [Anonymous]

February 13, 2002
Hi. The ONLY person's I told were my husband and my best friend. I didn't even tell my children about this until a year later. Why? Cause I didn't want my ex finding out. I told everyone that I had gallbladder surgery and just dieted from there. Not a lie at all. Good luck.
   — Barbara H.

May 28, 2002
I am still awaiting insurance approval... but I have enough money saved to pay for 1/2 a self-pay if I need to. Only my spouse and my best friend know Im considering this. When I enter the hospital - I plan on having either an 'emergency appendectomy' or a 'tubal pregnancy' to explain my visit. <wink-wink>
   — Valerie H.




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