Question:
Has anyone had marital problems after the surgery?

My husband and I have been married for 35 years and have 6 grown children. I am 53,my husband had an affair which lasted for 4years. He has told me it was because of my weight. We have remained together, but I am worried what his reaction will be when I start losing weight, I lost almost a hundred # a few years ago but I put most of it back on, I felt great when I had lost the wt, he was busy with (other things) at that time so I'm not sure he noticed. Most of the posting I have read, everyone has a husband who is very supportive. I am schuduled for surgery on 3-27-02    — [Anonymous] (posted on February 8, 2002)

February 8, 2002
I found that my marriage has improved with the WLS, because I'm more in control of my life and able to be a better mate. I'm not sure this is always the case, though. There is a high divorce rate after WLS, sometimes instigated by the loser and sometimes instigated by the spouse. This is a major change/transition, and you will need to work hard at your marriage if you intend to preserve it.
   — Terissa R.

February 8, 2002
Mine is definatly better. I'm more attractive to him, and I feel more attractive. I have more energy and I'm more out going. My husband loves his new wife. He loved the old one too, but I think he wouldn't trade this one.
   — Phiddy B.

February 8, 2002
I think a lot of it depends on how good your marriage is before surgery. Others have said it before me, but the surgery can make a good marriage better, and a bad one worse. It sounds to me like you and your husband need to sit down and talk about this. He may just be worried about whether you'll survive the surgery or have complications, or he may worry about whether you'll still want to be with him after you lose weight.
   — garw

February 9, 2002
I really felt for you when I read your question. Others have said it here before, but let me reinterate that the main reason to have the surgery is for *you*...not for someone else, as I'm sure you know already. You might want to consider getting some counseling going as you have concerns about this pre-op...especially since it sounds like your husband is trying to blame his long-term infidelity on you. Big Hugs.
   — CaseyinLA

July 10, 2002
Since you are post-surgery, I can be blunt. My live-in girlfriend/partner did not cope well with my WLS. She was upset when her mother had it and less stable when I had it done. She screamed "you and my mom bought your weight loss it doens't count" and "How can you do this? People will all be saying how nice you look and I will still be fat." She did not show up much at the hospital when I was there and two days after surgery she left me. She ran off with a guy older than her father and married him a week later. Of course, she had some serious issues before the surgery. But my surgeon says that break-ups are not uncommon with this operation. If you think there are problems in your relationship...SEEK COUNSELING BEFORE THE SURGERY!!!!
   — Thomas M.

January 7, 2003
I'm sorry that you're having such a bad time. My husband was very supportive of the surgery. He said he'd love me no matter what size I was. I felt so loved and lucky to be with a man who felt this way. We were married 18 years and together 24 when he just up and left me 4 weeks post op. He left me for a woman he worked with...she is short, fat and terribly unattractive. That's what I've been told by everyone...I've personally never met her. It came out in counceling that he felt I wouldn't need him any longer when I was thin...and the other woman did. He felt I would leave him when my weight was gone. Crazy thoughts. I never would have. It's been 4 months since he left...I'm stronger, happier and more alive than ever...now he regrets his decision. If anyone out there is thinking of leaving because of your own insecurities I implore that you get into counceling! It will only make things better regardless of how they end up. Good luck. LG
   — sanicola

September 13, 2005
I had surgery December 30, 2004. I spent New Years eve and day in the hospital. My husband was very supportive and caring through everything..........until the weight really started coming off. I was (5'4") 240#s pre-surgery. Now (9/05) I am 166 and still losing. My husband says he wants a plump woman, not a skinny stick and has threatened several times to leave me if I get too skinny. I mentioned that I needed to get back to working out on the treadmill (he bought for me) and he objected. He says he doesn't want me toned, he thinks women should be soft and feminine. We argue now whenever I try to discuss my wt loss. Now that I can wear cuter clothes vs. mu-mu dresses and baggy sweats, he accuses me of trying to look cute for other men and dressing to attract attention to myself. The clothes I wear aren't revealing, sexy, or too short. He's always been the outgoing one, the attractive one, Mr. Vanity, and he never had a problem telling me about all the women who tried to hit on him on a daily basis, now the shoe fits me, he's jealous (but won't admit it) and can't stand it. I've never cheated on him; I don't brag or even think about getting attention from other men; I look and feel good for myself. That's why and who I had the surgery for ME. I just smile and remind him that it would be much easier for me to get a new man now that I'm 74#s lighter! So far, he's still here and much kinder with that little friendly reminder!
   — CHARLYLVN