Question:
How can I convince a friend I cannot eat like I use t oafter surgery?

I am some time this year going to go through WLS. I have a friend of 20 years and every time we do something we end up at an all you can eat place. I warned her that I won't be able to do this for long and she says," Your not fat, you don't need this surgery, beside there are too mant things that go wrong." I've been on every kind of diet and medications and nothing seems to work because I end up binging and it's all over. The part about not being fat!!! Well I'm 5'5, 253lbs with a bmi of 42! I'm tried of hearing that from her,obvisouly her kids see it and they make fun of me. Which did stop real quick. Can someone help me and say something to ease my anger.    — Adele S. (posted on January 9, 2002)

January 9, 2002
Your friend doesn't sound like she is ready to fully hear you on the issue of WLS. Perhaps it's not a topic you will be able to discuss with her. Just remember, you have to live in your body.. she doesn't! You are an adult and get to make decisions for yourself. You can tell her that you are going to do this with her, or without her, and that you would prefer it be WITH her, but that you are doing it, none-the-less. As for the restaurant choices, I think that will work itself out after you have had surgery. Remember.. you can say no to her choice of restaurant! Good luck!
   — BethVBG

January 9, 2002
If you feel your friend doesn't respect your ability to make your own decisions, tell her how you feel about that. She may be uncomfortable with change and feels that your friendship may be altered by this. Obviously, it will. But that doesn't have to mean the end of the friendship, just the end to partner binging. Hang in there!
   — Carolynn J.

January 9, 2002
It sounds like your friend is in denial...and denial is a lovely river in Egypt, but when it comes to the disease of obesity, it's not such a lovely place to be. I too faced those types of comments, being only 5'2 and 226 with a BMI of 40.6 when I started out. Perhaps by explaining to your friend just how miserable you are at your present weight and how much your quality of life will improve post op, she may see the light. If not, there is no law stating you can't go to one of those places...you can just choose not to eat anything or very little. That, above all else will show her that you are doing this. Unfortunately for us "lightweights" it takes losing 40-50 lbs before anyone realizes just how big we were before. Good luck to you and wishing you health and success in your journey.
   — Mustang

January 9, 2002
Hi Adele, I too had family and friends tell me I wasn't fat, and didn't need surgery. The morning of my surgery, my mom sat in the registration room and told me I was crazy and I wasn't really that big. I'm 5'4 and weighed 350 lbs, yeah right I wasn't big haha!! Now she says I was that big and she's glad I had it done. She was scared for me. As your friend may be for you. As for the eating out, you may not be able to eat like you used to but, I eat out often and most menus have something that is acceptable for WLS patients. I 've gotten grilled chicken, or a salad. I usually don't finish it all and take it home, but at least I am able to enjoy lunches with friend and family. Bottom line, your doing this for you, ignore your friend, stop talking about WLS with her. She obviously is not ready to handle the WLS subject. Enjoy her friendship and then do what you want.
   — [Anonymous]

January 9, 2002
I handle that problem by smiling, ordering my own meal. Just as the meal arrives at the table, ask for a "to-go" box. Smile sweetly at your friend and say, "I couldn't hold out & I had a bite of _____prior to our lunch!" Toss the go-go box later, after you ate your allotted amount. You don't dare cheat, because you KNOW you will suffer with either pain or vomiting. end of problem. It is NOBODY's business. Some folks just are not going to see it your way. WHY fight with them trying to convince them? It isn't going to happen.
   — Barbara B.

January 10, 2002
You would be suprised what restaurants will and can do to accompidate you. Last night my 11 year old daughter and I went out for our yearly "you can talk to me about anything" night. She has been wanting to go to this special restaurant. I am only 5 weeks post ops so I am limited to what I can eat. I did not care for the soups they offered and chicken still is a little dry for me. When I explained to the waiter he was willing to offer me anything off the kids, lunch or sr. menus. He also offered to make me a half order of anything on the reqular menu. Even so I was only able to eat one fourth of the meal. Now I have great left overs. Good restaurants will work with you and I didn't even need my restaurant card. As for your friend, my kids and family were the same way. I know they were more afraid of something happening during the surgery than me living the way I was. I't really normal. Sit down and really talk to her, usually we try not to show all the things that are hard for us as MO, but once they see what we really go through they seem to be more supportive. Hang in there - You can do it.
   — Kathy P.