Question:
Has anyone kept their surgery a secret?
I have told my immediate family only. At this time I have no intention of telling friends or co-workers or extended family. I don't exactly want to lie either, I just don't think it's anyone's business. So what has worked for you guys? My surgery is scheduled for three weeks out (2/28) Thanks for your insights. — jeanfergus (posted on February 10, 2006)
February 10, 2006
Since it took over a year to get approved I told a lot of people. The only
person I have not told is my ex-husband. Our daughter is getting married in
two years and I plan to surprise him before the wedding. I figure I should
have lost all if not most of my weight by that time. I will be smaller then
than when we were together, lol! I had surgery last June and so far I have
lost 88 lbs with 70 lbs to go. Good luck on your surgery and welcome to the
loser's club.
— Laural D.
February 10, 2006
Hi Jean- congrats on your pending surgery. You will not be disappointed
and will wonder why you haven't done it sooner. As to telling people, that
is something only you can decide. There are many pre ops-post ops as well
who tell simply everyone, and some live to regret it- not all of us, you,
me etc feel the same way, and there are many people out there just waiting
to tell you all about the surgery because they have a friend of a friend of
a friend yadda yadda, and they suddenly become experts on something they
know nothing about. For myself, i chose to tell my best friend, my folks,
and all of my online pals- none of them gave me a minutes grief over
wanting, and having the surgery. Totally supportive. My mom, on the other
hand is like the telegraph- she can't keep a thing to herself which in
itself makes me very angry- so she told the one person whose business it
was NOT-my brother, and his answer was to tell her ( he forgets I am the
doctor in the family he he he he he he he and he drives a truck, he
forgets if anyone in the family KNOWS about surgery, its his surgeon
sister- oh well ) that no surgeon in his right mind would ever touch me
with a knife, and I was going to be disappointed because it would first
kill me, and lastly it would never work- so after I got through screaming
at my mom, to call him back and tell him she had lied, which she did-thank
heavens, she told him she had made a mistake, and it was my gallbladder
they were removing. That was almost 2 years ago. I never see my brother,
and bite the bullet christmas, and went to his house, and he darned near
lost his teeth when he saw me- he had not seen me the size I am now since I
was 25 years old. he on the other hand still weighs over 500 lbs, and I
still cant believe he didnt put 2 and 2 together and come up with me having
WLS. Hon, its something you have to determine on your own. For myself,
the less people who knew, the better. It depends on the type of people you
work with, those in your church or those you see everyday, and how you
already interact with them. Its a personal decision- not your husbands, or
your childs or your parents, but your own whether they like it or not. I
say do as you want, and you don't have to lie, just be evasive. When you
have had the surgery and are losing mega pounds, and if you choose to tell,
do so, but hey, its kind of kewl seeing people who havent seen you in a
long time and see them try to figure out who you are, without them having
to ask you a million questions about the surgery.
Congrats lady and I will pray for a very safe outcome and a wonderful
journey. It is so worth it.
Cindi
-218#
— DollyDoodles
February 10, 2006
The only person I told was my mother
the rest of my family doesnt approve of this sort of thing and only
suspects. It falls down to this...
You are doing this for YOU
not anyone else
for your health and happiness
its no ones bussiness... unless you decide to tell them
— Malisa Wolfsong K.
February 10, 2006
Jean,
The decision to tell people truly is a personal decision, just like
deciding to have WLS. I told my brother and a co-workers (we work for my
insurance company). Everyone else I told them as I felt comfortable with
them. The majority of people were told about 7 months post-op at a family
reunion. It really depends on your comfort level.
— Tiff's On a Mission
February 10, 2006
My fear is of failure. I don't want anyone to know for the most part
either.
— full.of.fun
February 10, 2006
I told my family and friends...but I didn't want the people at work to
know...like you said..it's non of their business...but my issue came up
when I was out of work for two weeks then worked from home for the next
four...I was out a total of 6 weeks...and went back to work 45lbs lighter.
I just went back last Monday...and people were talking....most were not
noisy enough to ask...but a couple did...I caved and told one person...and
before the end of the week several others knew also. (LAP RNY 12/22/05)
— mmcphee1
February 10, 2006
My parents and siblings were the only people I told simply becuase I feel
it is nobody else's business. I told people at work, family friends,
remainder of family I was having my hyatle hernia repaired and that the
doctor had me on a strict diet for several months after that. When people
asked how I was losing weight I told them the truth, I was under a doctors
care, eating less and exercising more. I never lied to anyone about how I
lost the weight, I just don't give out all the details. Nobody has ever
asked me if I had wls but some people have made negative comments about
others they know that did have wls. I did not want to hear about it before
surgery and 2.5 years later I still do not want to hear their negative
comments or be "the one that had that surgery" at work so they
still do not know. If you don't want to tell people don't the choice is
100% up to you, nobody else. I am a very private person therefore I was
not comfortable telling people I knew would not be supportive.
— tazfan
February 10, 2006
This is something up to you, I had surgery on 2/01/2006 and only my husband
and daughter and co-workers know i haven't told my other family because of
how negative they are and I don't want to be judge as a easy fix.I live in
another state than my family and it's best to me comfort what your
decision. For me it was easy because my family is negative that's one
reason i move 1,000 miles away.you can tell them you on a high protein low
fat, low carb diet and exercise that is no lie this surgery is a tool the
rest is up to you remember. hope this help feel free to email me anytime.
— ms.quan
February 11, 2006
I had surgery 5 years ago last month. The only 2 people that know are my
husband and my mother. I only told my mom because at the time, I needed
help with the kids while I was in the hospital. She is equally as private.
I am sooooo glad that I kept this to myself. I feel like I am normal and
that no one looks at me as having done something "weird" to lose
weight. I am/never have been the object of speculation. In the area of the
country where I live, this surgery is just now coming into the mainstream.
And that isn't to say much. I know of no one else who has had this surgery.
It's just not talked about. When I had it done, it was not heard of and so
I was able to get away with it. No one has ever asked if I had surgery. I
applaud those that shout it from the rooftops and feel that they are
responsible to share it with those who may need it. However, I have never
been on a quest to save others. I have never felt responsible for other
people's health~just my own. So, don't let anyone put you on a guilt trip
because there are so many people that may benefit if you had only told them
about your surgery! It is not your responsibility to save them. Do what is
right for you. Remember, you can not "untell" anyone. I knew my
husband and mother would say absolutely nothing and have never to this day.
My best friend for 25 years does not know. Again, I just wanted to feel
normal.
Good luck! Shelley
— Shelley.
February 11, 2006
Theres no hiding losing a 100 pounds or more fast! If you dont tell they
will suspect your dying of cancer, AIDS or other terrible disease:( I had
WLS in july 2001 before it became so popular. I decided to tell everyone
after some customers asked are you dying? do we need to find a new service
person. I have a small business fixing laminators and see many of my
customers once or twice a year...Its up to you but I would rather hear
congrats on your loss than whispers about me dying! Plus I helped lots of
others go thru surgery and save their lives too!
— bob-haller
February 11, 2006
I meant to add in real life does anyone personally know someone who lost
say a 100 pounds in a year and are keeping it off? The USUAL answer is NO!
You dont have to tell people they will know anyway, and for me 99% have
been supportive. My one exception is my step mom, her negativity is to
discourage others in the family who need it desperately from getting WLS:(
She doesnt realize it but she is condeming them to terrible diseases and
early death.... by dieting naturally and failing
— bob-haller
February 11, 2006
Congrats on your surgery date. I had surgery on that same day a in 2005.
I feel WLS is a personal issue and shouldn't be discussed with anyone you
don't feel comfortable discussing it with. On my behalf I only told my
immediate family (although my big mouth mother made sure every single
person in the family found out, but not by choice). and I also told my
close friends. I didn't tell any of my neighbors, co-workers (but one
close friend from work) and no one from my husband's side of the family
only the ones that live up north which I love dearly (his mom &
brother), but didn't want his stepmother, sister, or father to find out
because they are great big gossipers and I just didn't want to give them
something else to gossip about. I am proud to have had the surgery I have
lost 98 lbs and I look and feel amazing. The compliments I get every day
are thrilling. I have no regrets but again this is something I discuss
with who I want to and I don't make it public. I keep to myself and have
decided it's no ones business I only told the people that trully care about
me and I know love me, everyone else just doesn't need to know anything
personal about my life. That's the way I feel. There are a lot of
envious, mean, evil people unfortunately in this world and I feel the least
they know about my life the better I am.
The people that don't know when they see me their jaws drop to the floor
and the first thing they ask is "what did you do", so I tell them
"Oh, protein diet with shakes and eating healthy" They
immediately ask me what shake and where can they get it? LOL. I tell them
the shake and where they can buy. My father in law already started on it.
LOL. It makes me laugh because even if I would have told them I was in all
you can eat, fatty, high carb diet my husband's side of the family would
have done it. Mind you, they are not obese people but are constantly
worrying about image and if they have 10-15 lbs to lose they go to an
extreme measure and talk about anyone that has gained weight (like me).
When they met me I was thin, and beautiful and I ballooned over 100 pounds
which gave them a lot of years of gossip pleasure, but that all eneded.
Now they gossip about how unbelievable I look and I am soooooooooooo PROUD
of myself. I have worked really hard this past year to get where I am
physically and emotionally.
Good Luck with your surgery and may you have a great recovery.
Regards,
Luly
— Luly
February 12, 2006
I chose not to keep my surgery a secret for 2 reasons: (1) I didn't want
people to think I was on drugs or (2) I didn't want people to think I had
cancer. With the weight coming off like it does that's the first thing
people think so I was VERY open about it & plus I received tons of
support from friends & family. It's 10wks. for me & I have dropped
almost 46lbs. so I am happy.
— mcksprtgirl38
February 12, 2006
I told my immediate family only also. I did not tell alot of people because
I don't like defending the reason for my surgery. Yes! Way too many people
down the surgery and talk about it being the easy way. And I get ofened
when some people talk that. Another downside is "being watched"
and by that I mean after certain people know that you had this surgery,
they will clock every single pound you drop. People who don't know about
the surgery will expect for you to loose 150 pounds straight out that
operating room.
— MarkietaKennedy
February 12, 2006
I have kept my surgery on 1/23/06 a secret and I am so happy to hear that
I'm not completely crazy. Well I did tell my husband and mother - who
respect my privacy but I did not tell anyone else because I found people
including family members to be negative about the procedure and a person's
worth who needs to seek WLS. In other words, I've heard people say to me
WLS is the easy way out - or you don't need that (keep in mind these were
medical professionals at the hospital I had the surgery at and I had a pre
WLS journey BMI of 48 with 2 co-morbitities and I was only 28). Anyway, I
felt like this was a personal journey to improve my health and I didn't
want to be distracted by the preconceived notions of others. But I think
those who are willing to share their experiences are amazing!
— T. O
February 13, 2006
I had kept my WLS secret from my mother since she very clearily didn't
approve when I told her I was looking into it. However, 4 months after
surgery and 55 lbs lighter I am sure she is curious. However, don't ask
and I don't tell. She has mentioned how little and how very slow I eat. I
do find it hard to explain my small portions to co-workers and sometimes
end up tell my secret. Other than that it is just my husband and close
friends that know the secret. Will I ever tell my family - I don't know.
— Glenda L.
February 13, 2006
I hope you don't live in a small town. I do and the whole town knew. I told
only a few trusted friends but people I didn't even know, knew. Word gets
around and fast! Just be prepared for it and smile and go on with your
life.
— Louise P.
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