Question:
Am I the only one who baths and dresses in the dark?

I AM IN THE PROCESS OF DOING MY PRE-OP LAB TESTS AND X-RAYS. I HOPE TO HAVE SURGERY IN THE NEXT MONTH. I AM NOT SCHDULED YET. HOWEVER, MY SELF-ESTEEM HAS HIT AN ALL TIME LOW. I BEGAN BATHING AND DRESSING IN THE DARK SO LONG AGO THAT I DON'T REMEMBER. SINCE I WENT FOR MY INITIAL CONSULTATION WITH MY SURGEON, MY LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND SHEER EMBARRASSMENT OF MY 230 EXCESS POUNDS HAVE OVERWHELMED ME. FOR THE PAST 2.5 WEEKS, IT HAS BEEN SUCH A BATTLE JUST TO GO TO CHURCH. I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF SUDDENLY. DO YOU THINK IT WAS AT LAST STEPPING ON THE SCALES AND ACTUALLY SEEING THE NUMBERS SKYROCKET. I HAD ESTIMATED MY WEIGHT BEFORE GOING AND I HIT IT JUST ABOUT ON THE HEAD, SO IT WASN'T AS IF ANYTHING WAS A SHOCK TO ME. I AM JUST SO TIRED OF ANALYZING MY FEELINGS, THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. HELP SOMEONE.... PLEASE ..........    — KATHLEEN P. (posted on August 25, 2001)

August 25, 2001
Don't despair. Sounds like you would benefit from a support group and/or counseling. The counseling will help you tackle your low self-esteem. The support group will help you see others like you. Good luck!
   — Kimberly L.

August 25, 2001
No, sweetie, you're not alone. I do not look into the mirror at all when I get dressed. In fact when I do look in the mirror I kind of glance from the neck up. I was having some x-rays on my knees the other day and the dressing room (to put on your gown) had a mirror in it. The tech said that he'd be right back to call me in and I had to wait in there. It was kind of hard to avoid looking into the mirror in that tiny room. I looked and honestly I haven't "seen" myself really for over 2 years. It was a shock. Also I had not let my doc's assistant weigh me in over a year and when I finally did I had gauged my weight to the pound! I am just so prone to depression that I could not face the scales in all that time. I am totally embarrased about my size in public and I know what you're saying.
   — [Anonymous]

August 25, 2001
Don't worry; you're not alone. I don't shower in the dark because knowing my luck I'd fall, crack my head open and have 10 georgeous paramedics pull my fat, naked body from the tub! But, I haven't looked in the mirror (except to brush my hair) in ages. I didn't even know I looked as bad as I do until a friend showed me a picture that she had taken a few weeks prior...I almost died! I knew I was fat, but I didn't realize THAT fat. Is this how others see me? I didn't know! Don't feel bad. It should (hopefully) get better! Pretty soon, you'll be trotting around the *well-lit* house buck naked! Luck!
   — [Anonymous]

August 25, 2001
Wow, I can hear how bad you feel about your body! I have to tell you, when I was over 500 pounds, I felt pretty bad about mine too. But it was weird...like anorexics think they are fat, I never saw myself as that huge. I hated not being able to move and fit into the seating society provided. As for my concerns about what others thought, I really hated it when small children would become frightened. I knew I had gone past being a curiosity into being a freak. My dreaded nightmare was waking up with Richard Simmons rubbing my feet someday with TV cameras behind him, summoned by my well-intentioned mother. However, I have to tell you. In 1984, I did this self-development course in which, at 317 pounds, I stood before 76 virtual strangers in my bathing suit, with a mirror behind me, and allowed one of the course assistants to closely inspect (like from abouut 5 inches away) my body from toe to nose. Everyone was looking at me. And I experienced being looked at. Once I got over the fear and anger, I realized everyone has a body. Everyones is different. All my parts worked and I have as much right to be on this planet as anyone else. Hope you get past the shame and utter humiliation you are feeling. It really would be like being ashamed of having cancer. It isn't your fault. Good Luck to you.
   — merri B.

August 25, 2001
hello i dont know what you are going thur but i feel the pain some what i too am big i weight 280pds.and feel bad that i let it happen to me but i pray i will go thur with the surgery and all i will feel good about my self sometimes i just sit and cry and think why why did i let my self get so big but i am a nerv. person to start with and i know that is no reason to let your self get so heavy but we all go thur things sometimes i look in the mirror and say o lord look at me if i was just 125pds. lighter i would feel so good but i am not and pray one day i will be the size i want to be if and when i have the surgery i pray god will get me thur it and i will feel no pain or very little pain and feel like shopping for clothes and doing the house work with sitting down to rest we are just people who have put weight on and think all the world is looking at us stop and think when you see a skinny person dont you say o lord look how skinny she or he is it is the same with a heavy person we say the very same thing so quit that not bathing in the dark thank more of your self than that we are just people little big short or tall just people and just thank the lord you have all your fingers toes and body parts and get around and try to injoy life big or little and one day you will be the size you want just ask god to get you thur it and he will god bless you and will pray for you
   — [Anonymous]