Question:
How do you walk into a 'skinny' store?
So we've lost the weight... on our bodies, but what about our minds? About me... when I had the surgery, I was wearing a size 24 - 26 depending... and that was down from a 26/28 to the occasional 30/32. While I'd been thin into my early 20's, I'd not shopped anywhere but Lane Bryant, The Avenue, or Torrid (thank Heavens for Torrid) in well over a decade... then the surgery... which to be honest, wasn't quite as successful as I'd hoped but I still lost 80 lbs to date (I'm 8 months out). It started easy enough... smaller sizes in Torrid. Then I could fit into the clothes in the Women's department at Macy's. A HUGE accomplishment that I was proud of. Those clothes got too big. I knew Old Navy went up to a size 20 and had heard they ran large so I braved it - pretending to shop for my husband... I didn't need a 20, I needed a 16 and a 2x top. I was... over the moon. I started to shop there often... but the closet full of Old Navy clothes was both too big and a bit boring. Yesterday I went to Macy's with a thinner friend. I shopped... in secret... in the designer section. I picked out clothes for my "friend" - clothes that included a pair of size 32 (14) Lucky Brand Jeans, an xl Lucky Brand jean jacket, size 14 Calvin Clien shorts, tons of xl tops, xl Lucky Brand work out clothes and a terribly sheik xl Tommy Hilfiger linen wrap dress without a hint of stretch. I went into the dressing room with my friend... I tried the clothes on... they fit beautifully... and I made her take them out and buy them for me. On one hand... I am absolutely ecstatic!!!! I went shopping, got a ton of stuff, and didn't once enter a plus size department. Yet... I can not seem to wrap my head around walking into a store that sells regular clothes. I need bras. I know that I measure into Victoria's Secret... but I walk by the store front every time. I feel too fat... like I don't have the right to enter. It is the same for every other store I used to love.I know I could fit in their upper ends now... but I can't keep stealth shopping. I know part of it is that I used to work retail and if someone too fat to fit the clothes came in, we turned our noses up and gave them shit service. But... the bigger part is that I do not feel like a misses 14. No matter how little I eat, no matter how much I work out... especially with this flap of skin hanging over my gut (another issue entirely). Has anyone had this problem? Has it been hard to walk into BeBe with your head held high... flipping through the racks for that perfect pair of shorts before strutting to the dressing room... as if you were not 80 heavier a mere 8 months ago? How do you overcome it? Help....?!? I used to love to shop, and now, when shopping should be more fun than ever, it is anxiety! — Jeanette Hagar (posted on June 21, 2010)
June 20, 2010
I also went from a 26/28 top and 24/26 bottoms to an 18 and 2xl top. I am 4
months post RNY. I keep trying to buy clothes that are too big. I used to
never try on stuff if I didn't have to. I usually bought jeans with elastic
and t-shirts. Now I can wear nicer stuff but I feel like it looks bad or
doesn't fit, even if others say it does. I even have some xl tops. I have
bought some stuff to put up in 16 on down. However, they look like kids
clothes to me right now. I think it will just take time and patience with
yourself.Maybe some counseling will help or a WLS group. I am afraid that I
will wear stuff too tight just because I can get into smaller stuff. So I
still wear stuff too big. I don't want to be the one people make fun of
because I have stuffed myself into too small clothes. I think it is
probably a normal reaction and you will have to just go in and buy one
thing at a time until you get your confidence built back up.
— tandalyncarter
June 21, 2010
Hi there. My largest size was when I was in 20's.I had VSG surgery 2 years
ago and I remember feeling so strange buying smaller sizes. I always seemed
to go for a size larger than what I actually should wear. I was just in
disbelief that I could wear smaller sizes again. Even after my 80 pound
weight loss when I would buy jeans I just couldn't bring myself to buy the
size that would actually fit. NO WAY could I wear a size 12. At least
that's what my brain said. I have a 35 year old daughter who told me
several times....MOM your jeans are too baggy. Buy some that fit. And I
had just bought 3 pair. So, she convinced me to take them back. How she
convinced me was that SHE had size 12 jeans in her closet although she is
in size 9's now. She had me try them on and they fit perfect. Not too tight
anywhere and were actually still a little baggy in the butt and upper
thigh. I was thrilled but shocked. I think it just takes a while for our
brains to catch up to our bodies and what we have accomplished. 2 years
later, it still feels so good when I go to buy clothes to pick up the size
L tops instead of plus size or XL and size 12 jeans, lay them on the
counter for purchase and I just smile....it feels really good!!!!
Congratulations on your successes and may you have many more for years to
come. I just celebrated my 2 year surgiversary on June 18th. God
Bless....Jodi
— Jodi L.
June 21, 2010
Walking into a store and purchasing a size 4 jeans is fabulous!!!!!!
However, I must say, I go to a psychologist, b/c I fear gaining weight and
I still think I am not skinny and I am skinny, matter of fact, too skinny.
The psychologist is helping me with my self image.
Now next to the next thing you were saying about putting your nose up to
heavier folks; people are so damn weird, (not you), now that I am thin, men
open doors for me, if I go to eat at a fast food place they offer free
drinks, etc. Men flirt like crazy, and I am an old geezer!!!! We live in
a mean world, folks do not like chubby people. All I remember when I see a
chubby person, is karma!!!! I am very nice to everyone, heavy or thin.
Get into counseling, do yourself that favor, you have come a long way baby.
— FSUMom
June 21, 2010
Hi Jeanette!
Congrats on your loss so far! You are doing wonderfully!! Keep it up an
you'll mind will catch up with it all. Tho I have to admit, I ,too,
struggle with my minds eye. I had RNY just 2 yrs ago on june 19th. (08) I
went from a 22/24 to a 4 and smaller. (BTW hard to find clothes smaller in
some stores)I started b4 surgery at 238 and am today 113 lbs. I wanted to
stop at 120, but my body had other ideas. Any way, It is hard sometimes to
look at a tiny pair of pants and think they will fit me, and when they do,
I am amazed. but when i see myself in pictures or video, i see the lumps
and rolls still..now its skin, and oh the wrinkles inmy face! and lets be
honest..the body has droopy wrinkly skin too. Tho i feel fantastic in
clothes, I still loath my body without any. My husband says i look great,
and i feel great, but no one will ever see me naked again!! hahaha I
have thought about counseling, and the one poster is correct, therapy is a
great tool for self image. We are never gonna love everything about
ourselves. My newest motto is "i may not have a great looking body,
but what i lack in body beauty, i make up for in enthusiasm"
hubby agrees!! lol I still love to shop and I do not let anyone other than
myself put me down for anything I have done. You are beautiful big or
small! Embrace your new body, and let no one make you feel
"small" again for being whatever size you are!! You are not what
the scale says you weigh, you are not what the tag in your pants say your
size is. You are you! Uniquely and wonderful you! Enjoy your new life!!
It only gets better!! Hugs n God Bless!! Kim
— gpcmist
June 21, 2010
I guess that we are all in the same head game. I have the same problem as
you. Being Canadian I shop in Penningtons. When I went to Utica for my
checkup 2 months ago I went to wall mart and I was in need of a better bra
and low and behold I found one "IN MY SIZE AND UNDIES TOO> !!"
I picked up a couple of light reenforce fro nt panti supports as well. ( to
camophlage the giggly hips and tu mmy over hang.)
I went around to the plus sized ladies clothes to see if I could find a sun
dress and a pair of shorts. (Not giving it much hope. Low and behold I
found some. I grabbed the 5X as I would have done in my last shopping
excursion last spring.I get to the changing room and went to try them on
and found that they were to large. My hubby laughed and went kindly back to
the rack and got me a size smaller. That was to big as well! The wonderful
patient man went back for a second ti me but this ti me got a 3X and a 2X.
The 2 X fitted as I tried that on first I did not even try on the 3 X. What
a boost to my self esteem that was.Then I started the second guessing
thing. You know what I mean??? I was thinking that perhaps the USA sizes
were different than the Canadian ones.... Well I decided to go to Walmart
here in Canada when we returned from the USA to check it out. I indeed did
take a 2X depending on the cut and style of clothing. I was shocked and
pleased with myself.
Now I am in the stage where I see a heavy woman on the street or in a store
and I ask my husband am I that big? He is a very honest m an and tells me
yes or know. SOmetimes he will point out someone to me that hares my body
shape and size so that I can understand for myself what he sees in me. As
my body changes I need to have that reassurance that this surgery was not a
waste for me. I was operated in Feb 2010 and have lost 80 LBS thus far. All
my "fat clothes have found a ho me with my sister-in-law and her
friends.Funny though, I had trouble getting rid of some of th em. I kept
thinking what if I don't loose all the weight . I might need them. I was
taught at an early age that looking in a mirror often is vainity. so I am
also having problems adjusting to that. NOw in the last mo nth my weight
has only gon down 3-4 lbs ( complications and surgery in April. But I did
notice that clothing is getting looser anyway.As well my skin is getting
firmer and not so giggly. so I am greatful for the little i mprovements and
try not to focus on the scale although I do weighin regularly. My doctor
said that I should not do that just o nce a month take my measurements
instead.But being a product of the "gotta be skinny like a hungry
model generation"..I continue to weigh to keep track.
— OntarioSilk
June 22, 2010
It is a transfromation and it takes time to get use to. I bought pants just
to see how much I still had to lose to wear them only to find they fit. My
hubby put a mirror so I can see I really am not fat now.
Just keep telling your selfyou deserve this and push yourself to walk
through the door. No one there will know you were heavy and even if they
did they don't care. They just want to sell you clothes. Be proud of what
you have done.
— trible
June 22, 2010
I still have a ways to go so side ways like at amusement parks. Just a
little humor!
— Michael Eak
June 22, 2010
i don't want to come across too harsh nor too analytical but it seems to me
that your treatment of fat people before while working retail may be the
source of some of your anxiety now. Even fat people need clothes and so
what if they wanna try on too skinny clothes?
Anyway, as a guy, I've never had much anxiety before when buying clothes
and have none now. I do hope you get over this and start to relax and enjoy
your new you!
— Joseph Johnson
June 22, 2010
I'm still pre-op but think this is an amazing question... just reading your
question and all of the answers made me cry, tears of joy of course, that
this journey I'm about to embark on (August 16th) is finally something that
will help me! Love all of you and so proud of all of you!!
— Clumsybarbie
June 22, 2010
— Jeanette Hagar
June 23, 2010
Jeanette -- welcome to the wonderful world of post-op "Dear God, what
do I REALLY look like?" I will never forget changing over from my
winter clothes to my summer clothes about two months after I had my surgery
in April 2000. I put on a size 28/30 skirt that, pre-op, was ominously
becoming "a little snug" and it literally fell RIGHT OFF ME.
Right over the hips and onto the floor. For months after that I'd be going
into the plus-size stores and trying on the size 24s and the 3Xs and they
were SWIMMING on me, but that was the size I thought I was. In the last
decade I've probably bought four or five entire new wardrobes in
progressively smaller sizes, and even now I don't quite believe that I'm
the size I am, and I've maintained more or less the same weight (I actually
lost about 40 more pounds about 4 years ago when I was diagnosed with Type
II diabetes -- could beat the weight but not the genetics -- and started
taking Metformin regularly) for about the last four years. I still feel
huge most of the time, but then again, when I weighed almost 400 pounds I
didn't see myself as that size either. It's called "body
dysmorphia", and most of us who have spent time being morbidly obese
have it in some degree or another. It will get better, as time goes on. I
find it helpful to remember one of the things I learned during my
Overeaters Anonymous period in the late 1980s -- "what other people
think of me is none of my business" -- so if retail clerks or anyone
else are snotty to you, just ignore it. As overweight women we spent years
and years and years and years feeling we didn't quite deserve anything more
than scraps from the table of life, and we have to leave that baggage
behind. Be proud, for you have accomplished so much and come so far.
Blessings,
— Cheryl Denomy
Click Here to Return