Question:
How do others deal with the "guilt"?
I am currently saving money for my RNY for my insurance doesn't cover WLS. I am having a difficult time with my emotions. I have a tremendous amount of "guilt", if you will, over letting myself get to the weight I am at now. I am 5 foot 8 and 464 pounds. I don't want to beat myself up. It isn't productive at all. Have others felt this way? Please help. — Lisa L. (posted on January 7, 2008)
January 7, 2008
Hi, my name is Dawn and I am still fighting the insurance also. I beat
myself up all the time I weigh now 371 I was 395 before I started this the
doctors see it as 185 because the fist doctor didn't even have a scale to
weigh me. I have been driving 2 hours to go to a clinic. I just wanted you
to know you are not alone. It is others that have made it that have
encouraged me to go on and also two co workers that had it done years ago.
I am here if you ever want to tallk.
— dawnspaints
January 7, 2008
I would guess that most of us have spent an inordinate amount of time
feeling stupid, guilty, sorry for ourselves, envious of thin people,
beaten up, self-conscious and afraid. These feelings, of course, have
continued the cycle of eating for comfort- gaining weight- feeling
guilty-eating more, gaining more, etc. etc..
If I can offer you insight from the other side of the age divide-- I just (
NOvember 19,'07) had lap band surgery at age 61, and my only regret is that
I didn't have it 25 years ago ( if it had existed!!) . I have lost 44
pounds thus far, and my arthritic knee is so much better already, I have
no more high blood pressure and I exercise every day and enjoy it. I can
envision losing 100 pounds by next summer or fall.
Even with the surgery, it will take you perhaps 2 years or more to lose
over 200 pounds, without it, you will not ever do it.
Don't wait, take a loan out to pay for it if you have to , but reclaim
your life ASAP. You need this tool to take the weight off fast enough to
make a real difference-- and soon. If you could gain control of weight for
the long term by diet and exercise, you would have done it by now. You are
young and you have young children who need their mother to live and enjoy
life with them. Show them that addiction to food, like drugs and alcohol,
gambling, shopping or any other addiction must be conquered and controlled.
You can do it, and by doing it, will show them that nothing is impossible
if you set your mind to accomplish it.
I wish success!!
Flora
— MusigalF
January 7, 2008
What type of insurance do you have? and do you have any medical record to
support you that your doctors say , you really need to loose wait because
of your medical. if you can go to www.ftc.gov
and chat with one of the government workers on there . they should have one
where your disputing that your insurance carrier is refusing to pay for
your surgery. you can write your congressmen for the help . my aint did the
same thing then next thing you no they approve her. she had bcbc. which on
the news around in south jersey allot of people are complain that there
refusing to pay for surgery . there is a family member who is sueing them
now because they denied there 17 yr old daughter a kidney transplant 3
times, then they finally approve them . but it was to late she had passed
away . bye th time they aprove it. so look into it ok
— yvettetas
January 7, 2008
MO is a DISEASE. people with diseases should be covered by insurance. Even
smokers are covered for lung cancer and all the other smoking releated
illnesses. So why should insurance refuse to cover WLS? Smoking is way more
a personal choice than genetically being pre disposed to be MO..... we
probably all wondered what we did to get so heavy, but often its genetic.
My entire family was MO, and nearly all died very young. You mght look into
a part time job with a company that has insurance for WLS, if your not
working state vocational rehab will often pay for surgery to get you
working and paying taxes.:( Best wishes were all on a journey. and its fun
getting thin:) WLS was the best decision of my entire life,
— bob-haller
January 7, 2008
As hard as it is to say this to ourselves, we sometimes must remind
ourselves that "I AM WORTH IT", nothing else required. I am
worth being happy, healthy, loving, lovable, even thin... yes you are worth
it... let that be a montra for each day. No one can do it for you, you
MUST do it yourself. Good Luck to you, Leslie
— LuvNSummer
January 7, 2008
Hi...I have lost 135 pounds since having RNY a year ago and while I was
initially losing I was pretty mad at myself for getting to a point where I
was so heavy and so miserable. I couldn't believe how slightly overweight
and still reasonably attractive could get to morbidly obese, sick and awful
looking. However, somewhere along the way, I forgave myself and decided
that this was the time for me and that I was finally ready to address my
issues with food and overeating. WLS was the best decision that I could
have ever made for myself. I still sometimes wonder how I could have gotten
so big and am tempted to "beat myself up" about it but instead I
put that energy into positive thoughts. Good luck to you.
— Kristi S.
January 7, 2008
Lisa, I too feel some guilt regarding having let myself go and over the
money I will be spending on WLS that could go for other things my family
wants or needs. But I also want to be around for my children as they get
older and at this rate I am sure I am digging my early grave as I already
have comorbidities at age36. My husband is supportive which helps
alot--but is not overweight and has always been a regular exerciser so
really doesn't understand my plight. I was not overweight when we married.
(3 children and many depressions later--wa la--FAT!! Please do not beat
yourself up--you are being active now in trying to help yourself obtain a
healthier lifestyle. One way to make yourself feel better could be to try
to begin your weight loss journey now while you are saving the money(would
also make your surgery safer). Just make small changes--consider reading
the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne--it is a little bit out there but has a
good message regarding positive thinking and the law of attraction. You
could consider joining a support group in your local area pre-surgery just
for support. Know that many of us also have guilt and you are not
alone!!!
Hang in there, take things one day at a time,
Kristen
— wizardofoz
January 7, 2008
Dont beat yourself up. There are so many reasons that we are fat. Have you
considered the Duodenal Switch? (DuodenalSwitch.com) There is a DS forum
here on OH too. At a weight of 464 the DS may be a great option for you! It
was for me! Check it out- do your research and whatever you decide I wish
you good luck and success on your wls journey!
— SameButDifferent
January 7, 2008
Here, Here, to Leslie, Yvette, and Kristi! Take out a loan, put it on a
credit card, do what ever you have to do. You can gain back your life and
you deserve it! Pat
— pjennjr
January 7, 2008
Many of us feel guilty about those things for which we feel responsible--
we feel guilty if we have shirked our duties or let others down. It might
not always be rational, but it does reflect a certain sense of intense
personal responsiblity. For me, I took my sense of guilt as a motivator--
not something on which I dwelt, but something that reminded that I was
ultimately responsible for everything that had passed over my lips before
surgery and would be responsible for everything that would pass my lips
after surgery.
— SteveColarossi
January 7, 2008
I was 57 years old when I finally decided to have RNY, regardless of the
cost. I think the guilt and hopelessness of, as you said, letting myself
go, kept me from doing this sooner. After losing 169.2 pounds and almost
at my goal, I can tell you that as time goes by you will feel so great and
the guilt will go away. It is worth everything, to feel healthy again and
after all, that is the ultimate goal. Go ahead with your plans knowing that
you have probably, if like most of us, tried everything else in the book
and this will work if you work the tool correctly. The important thing is
that it is a tool to help us keep it off this time!! Julia
— Julia W.
January 7, 2008
Hi Lisa, I think all obese people feel guilt and shame for getting to where
they are. I know I did. My insurance covered my surgery, but here is the
thing I do when I get down. I go back to the truth. Facing the truth
always helps me move forward, even when the truth hurts a little or a lot.
Ok, so Lisa look at the facts. You are obese and you, for whatever reason,
have gotten to this point, right? Ok that is the truth. Now, you are
working on your diet, water, and exercise (I hope), as you save money to
get this surgery, right? I hope this is the truth. You can sacrifice
things you want/crave to save your money. If you have children and a
family involved here, you have to be sensitive to their needs as well, but
surgery can help you if you help yourself. Helping yourself starts now
though Lisa, and that is the truth. Guilt and shame are powerful emotions
that send us right to the frig and cabinets to indulge. Truth sets us
free. I don't know you well enough to know what is the truth for you, but
you do. Keep notes, write journals, seek out the truth, face it, and make
decisions that help you move forward. When the guilt comes, go back to
your notes and journals that help you again face the truth. That is what I
do, and it works for me everytime. Patricia P.
— Patricia P
January 8, 2008
Hi ... I understand the guilt so well. Everyone else says this is entirely
a spoon to mouth problem, not a body problem, so why wouldn't we buy into
that?
I've got to tell you that the only way I got to the point where wls made
sense and I could do what I need to do was when I decided that I LIKE me.
I don't like what I weigh, don't get me wrong. But I like ME. And I want
to be the best I can be, so it helped me let go of the blame game for my
weight.
Sounds a lot simpler than it was. Took me YEARS. Be gentle with yourself.
You're all you've got!
— Janice B.
January 8, 2008
The past is the past and should stay there. You ARE taking control and
responsibility by having surgery. This process overall isn't easy or the
easy way out as some like to say. You can't put this on a shelf and have
whatever you want at a party, event, etc like "normal" people do.
People smoke and they know it's bad for them right? It's addictive just
like food can be. Remember that you are WORTH it and deserve the chance at
a healthy life. I was 26yrsold and 350lbs before I was able to take the WLS
plunge. I am now 28 and more than 200lbs lighter. I have had a few bumps
along the way, but would do it all over tomorrow if I had to. Best wishes
and much success to you!-Heather
— tazthewiz23
January 8, 2008
I am so thankful for everyones input. I do have insurance, but, my
husband's employer, through which I have the insurance, never purchased the
rider that would allow for WLS. Therefore, surgery, (or anything having to
do with weight loss, for that matter) are NOT covered. So if I want the
surgery, I pay. THEN, I was on the phone with my surgeons office late
yesterday and I was explaining that my husband and I are hoping to borrow
against his 401K for the surgery and the lady I spoke to said she didn't
advise that, when I asked her what exactly she meant, she completely
changed the subject and asked me how I was enjoying the nice weather. What
the heck?
— Lisa L.
January 9, 2008
Lisa- thanks for posting this question and thanks to all that responded. I
have been struggling with my feelings of 'guilt.' I keep asking, "how
can a responsible, hard working, educated, active person" gain so much
weight. Who ever said life made sense or was fair :) I feel better after
reading all the responses.
— ldz
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