Question:
Has anyone's spouse flippped out before WLS....

I don't know what to do, my husband has never said that I could not have the surgery and I wouldn't say he has been supportive, but now things have changed he's making comments about what I can wear and what I can't, where I can go, etc. I am a big girl, but when I was 200lbs I was had a shape for a full-figured girl. Underneath all of this extra baggage lies a small waist, and just right hips, and well....I'll have to redo the breast--LOL How do I keep up my self-esteem after WLS when he'll be fighting me all the way (he's insecure with me this heavy, what is he going to do with me at 135-140) HELP ME!!!!!!    — mischief85 (posted on July 22, 2002)

July 21, 2002
Hi, Please take this in the spirit it is intended...that is only to help not to hurt. What you are describing smacks of control and manipulation, not love and concern. The little you talked about is a source of great discomfort to me, having lived through very similar things (WLS was not part of the picture at the time)and finally realizing what was happening between us. My boyfriend The man in my life "fed me" constantly and now in retrospect I see that that was his way of keeping me overweight. Sounds like your husband is doing the same but using a different tactic. It is not okay for him to do that. At least, for me I realized it was not okay. I wish you the best and hope I am wrong about what I have said. It breaks my heart to think of anyone going through what I went through with my EX... Warmest Regards,
   — Ann B.

July 21, 2002
When I first broached the topic of wls, my husband "forbid me" (yes, he said the word forbid)to have the surgery. It was entirely out of fear of the surgery itself. As he gained knowledge about the surgery, obviously he relaxed about it. He was still nervous, but felt a lot better about it. Now that I am at goal and have had a TT, he does sometimes get insecure about this "new" wife that he has and her looks and new-found energy, attire and attitude. Through some counseling I reminded him that when I married him, I told him I was in it through the long haul. And that means in the ten years (on 8/8) of marriage we have gone through his alcoholism and recovery and relapses and recovery now for almost 7 years...we have gone through family crisis', we have gone through his daughter nearly destroying us and our other children and herself, including her suicide attempts, arrests and placement in a residential facility. We went through his combat related post-traumatic stress disorder episodes and the fact that the Navy does bupkus about it, we have been nearly broke and homeless a few time due to bad money management and his alcoholism, unemployment, being told I could not have children (surprise!! Honey-LOL), losing family and friends due to his alcoholism, etc. I stuck by him through all of that...through thick and thin...and he has stuck by me through my depression and my obesity related illnesses...he has stuck with me through fat and thin. It's insecurity and fear that causes a spouse to react like that. I would urge you to get some counseling, reassure him that this will make you better. Yes, wls patients have a high rate of divorce, often because the spouse can not handle the new person, the person that was hidden under the fat. Hopefully your husband will learn to enjoy that hidden person. Best of luck to you ~CAE~
   — Mustang

July 22, 2002
Eloquently said, Ann ~ I agree with your advice and words of wisdom wholeheartedly. Good luck to you all.
   — Lisa J.

July 23, 2002
hello i can't make a judgement on why your husband is acting this way perhaps it's fear - fear of your dying or fear of you leaving him my only suggestion is for you to get counseling...you may want to start on your own before trying to get him to go you can only change yourself, no one else hang in there {{hugs}}
   — jkb