Question:
Not as much a question but a cry out for support and prayer
The thing is a long time ago my family, who are all 6 super obese, held a family "meeting". For some reason the entire meeting was about gastric bypass. This was back in 1998 I think. My parents announced to us all (their 4 children) that if we were ever to have the gastric bypass they would disown us. For years my heart has been broken and their words have eaten away at my soul & I had lost any hope of finding a light in this darkness. Well I decided after years of diliberation that I am no longer going to suffer and that without their blessing I am going to go under the blade. I have chosen not to tell a single soul besides my husband. Im even afraid listing here in case word get back to them somehow. I can't beleive I have to keep a secret like this but my plea is that I have some people really pray for me and my recovery when the unknown, as of now, date arrives. I don't and can't do this alone and I really need some support. After being brainwashed for so many years that I will be damned to hell for this because its mutilating your body you can only imagine my fears and sorry. I beleive its not a sin to try and save myself and stop the real mutilization of becoming more and more obese. I just dont want to be alone and would feel so much better if God heard more than just my plea for safe recovery and success! If anyone has a little compassion and time to share with me it would mean more than I can express. Thank you in advance. — never f. (posted on November 13, 2007)
November 13, 2007
Wow.. I am so sorry that you're embarking on this journey mostly alone. I
was fortunate enough that my friends and family have supported me prior to
and after my surgery. The people here on OH are always willing to give a
little bit of support to a fellow loser. If you need someone to chat with
please, please.. feel free to message back and forth with me. I wish you
nothing but the best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
~Zandra~
— Zandra C.
November 13, 2007
I'm so sorry you don't have a supportive family but know that we are here
for you. I see that you are in Colorado. I just moved to the Denver area
and if you need anything please Email me anytime.
— Molly G.
November 13, 2007
i will be praying for you and if you need anyone to talk with email me
just rember that you are doing this for yourself and your health and
happiness and that you have tons of support on this site hang in there
carli
— carli brown
November 13, 2007
I am so sorry for what you are going through with your parents. You need
support right now, and they aren't willing to give it. Has anyone talked
to them about gastric bypass since that day back in 1998? What do your
siblings think about it? Do your parents think it's a sin because you are
changing the body God gave you? Please e-mail me if you'd like:
[email protected]
Jesus loves you. He is watching out for you. He knows your struggles.
— [Deactivated Member]
November 13, 2007
Do it! You know deep down it's what you need and want. Screw what other
people think, even your family. If it's what you need, it's what you need!
— [Deactivated Member]
November 13, 2007
Well Jessica, I will be praying for you. I will also tell you, I am a Saved
christian, and I started praying this past June, about having surgery,
after at least a year of praying of losing weight and improving my health.
My family and my church prayed for me, and are supporting me. I had my
surgery on 10/29/07 and it was alot smoother than i expected, i had very
little pain then up too now.. And why is that, I truly believe because it
was God that led me to the surgery, and He did the operation his self, I
was truly blessed and i have lost 30 lbs to date, so I am sure God led me
there and have nothing against having it done. So continue to ray and I
will Pray for you also, if you have any questions ask me, I will try and
help
— dapoohster38
November 13, 2007
Dear Jessica, My prayers are with you. This is not mutilating your body
any more than any other surgery, and we don't think of other surgeries to
save your life as mutilating. Tonsils, appendicitis, breast cancer, and I
could go on and on. Your parents are misinformed, and they need prayers
too. You are in my prayers and I will be here for you whenever you need an
ear. God bless you!
— cmancl
November 13, 2007
Anything you need, someone to listen, pray for you , ect....just let me
know! You are not mutilating yourself. you are going to make yourself not
only HAPPY , but healthy...and that will not upset God! I am sorry that
your family is so closed minded in this area, but here at Obsity Help, you
will find friends to get you through! Many Blessings, Suzanne
— smf0926
November 13, 2007
It is very sad that your family is not supportive of your decision. I wish
you the very best and I hope that your "revenge" to your family
will be looking so HOT, they will be sooooooooooooo
jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then maybe you will start a
"revolution" in your family and everyone will jump on the bypass
train!
— ALafferty
November 13, 2007
Please, please don't give up on your quest for good health! Just because
your family is prejudiced about something they know nothing about, you
don't have to be ignorant of the truth. Knowledge is power, and there is
much knowledge here. Medicine has made great strides in the treatment of
obesity and surgery is a great tool. Feel the hugs here, Jessica, and know
that they are heartfelt and real. Go for it!!
((((((Jessica))))))))
Flora
This is my very first post! I'm having surgery on Monday and I can't
wait!!
— MusigalF
November 13, 2007
Oh Jessica, I am so sorry that u do not have the support from your family,
that is very important. But u know that u have people here that will
support u, and also GOD is always there for you, so u are in my prayers,
and know that he will take care of u always. Put it in his hands, and I
know that he wants u to be happy and well, so u are doing the right thing.
take care, until we meet again. Deb
— drtorre
November 13, 2007
Jessica, I just want you to know that I will be praying for you. I hope
things go well for you. Remember you don't need the people around you to be
negative...you just need one positive in life that things will work out the
best for you and it sounds like you found yourself a good man.
Remember...the lord is always with and yours. Someday your family may
understand but if they don't...let them live there life. But make sure you
live your to the fullest! You are worth it! Don't let anyone tell you any
different. My heart goes out to you! GOOD LUCK...I Hope to join you on the
losing side next year!
— bridgadean
November 13, 2007
Jessica, I am not sure if this will help because each family is different
but maybe it will. 2 Years ago when my husband decided to go ahead with his
gastric bypass surgery after much research and a lot of thinking, his
biggest fear was telling his parents. But I encouraged him to do so because
this was going to be such a life changing event that he needed as much
support as he could get. He chose to present it to them in a way that he
had no choice. He either had the surgery or he would be dead in a couple
years. He asked them to listen to all the info and then he would allow them
to ask questions and voice concerns. He had statistics and risks that the
surgery would bring him but also the risks that he would be taking if he
didn't have the surgery. My husband weighed 420 lbs, was a diabetic on 2
meds, had high blood pressure on 4 different pills and his BP was still
elevated and had sleep apnea. He was a stroke or heart attack waiting to
happen. But he wanted to live past the age of 45 and he explained this to
them. After his meeting with them and informing them, they changed their
feelings about gastric bypass. They were still worried about him because
his risks were high but they were supportive of him.
Maybe they need to be informed correctly about your decision and maybe they
just need to hear it from you so they know how you are feeling about your
life and health. Be honest with them. Maybe they will come around. My
husbands parents were very excited about his progress he made. He has now
lost over 200 lbs and is off all his meds. He is much healthier now and he
now will live past the age of 45, and hopefully a lot longer. You need a
good support group to make this a successful journey. My prayers are with
you. Good luck!
— lew baustert
November 13, 2007
PRAY TO GOD FOR THE ANSWER, HE WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU. I PRAYED THAT IF IT
WAS HIS WILL THAT I WOULD BE APPROVED AND IF IT WASN'T THEN I WOULDN'T. I
HAD MY SURGERY 11/9 AND AM DOING GREAT. YOUR PARENTS HAVE THEIR BELIEFS AND
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE YOURS. IF YOU MUST TELL THEM ANYTHING, I'M NOT FOR
LYING, BUT IF YOU MUST JUST SAY YOU'RE HAVING A HERNIA REMOVED. I KNOW IN
MY HEART THAT GOD KNEW THAT I WAS NEVER GOING TO LOOSE THIS WEIGHT ON MY
OWN AND HAVING SURGERY IS STILL NOT AN EASY WAY OUT, IT IS STILL HARD
EVEYDAY KNOWING THAT YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT LIKE YOU ONCE DID. YOU ARE
IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS, GOD BLESS, DEBI ROBINSON
— DEBI R.
November 13, 2007
Jessica,
God Bless You! God has given you the strength and power to make this
decision and God will also provide you that same strength and power to get
through this surgery. The years of brainwashing you have recv'd is due to
fear of the unknown by other people. I'm sure you have researched the
surgery prior to your decision. The bible tell us ""Study to
show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed,
rightly dividing the Word of Truth." --2 Tim. 2:15. This scripture is
not only limited to the bible; however, to life in all that it entails.
Just because you were born into an obese family doesn't mean you have to
stay obese. Jesus said the poor will always be with us; he didn't say you
had to stay poor, so you don't have to remain obese. God placed this gift
into the hands,minds, hearts, and spirits of male and female physicians and
it has been perfected.
There are times when family members will attempt to be in our way when we
make decisions that are best for us --unfortunately, no matter how much we
love them we have to remove them from the circle and this will also apply
to friends. No matter how much we love them; they can't take every journey
with us -- and this sounds like one some of your family members can't
attend.
You have found support -- stay in touch. Feel free to email me directly.
I'm an ordained minister and I've had the surgery as well.
Peace and Blessings
— the7thdean
November 13, 2007
Jessica, I am so sorry you have found yourself in this delima. I know how
important family support can be but this is survival here. I know that
"mutilating" your body is unexecptable to some. However, you are
only adjusting what god gave you so that you can preserve your life. God
wishes no one misery or death. So rearranging your life and your
intestines a little is exceptable to god himself and should be seen in a
different light. Maybe your "obese" family needs to look at the
new types of surgeries and the risks for these. It has changed alot since
1998. Sounds to me that they may not know much about the surgery anyway.
I am so willing to discuss this or any other topic with you and would love
to keep contact with you. I live in Oregon and that is a long ways away
from you but I'd love to be a support buddy. Chin up and do what you know
is best for you, move on to greener pastures, we are here for you. Best of
luck. Jeannie
— Jeannie M.
November 13, 2007
They were probably afraid you would die in surgery. My family was a mixed
bag. my dad said little just wished me well, my wife a RN was against it
but a few months later had WLS herself. My step mom:( who was rude about my
weight was against it, sadly my step sister and other family members
wanted info, but step mom put her foot down saying no one in my family will
do that its too risky. I said well theres the risk of surgery, but also the
risk of remaing MO, which is more than size. troubles like heart disease,
diabetes, cancer, and others. well step mom won and my step sister now has
breast cancer and its bad. my dad asked if I had seen the network news on
the link between obesity and breast cancer. perhaps the cancer was
preventable? no way to know. but long term over 10 years studies prove that
surgery is way safer than remaining MO. So you do well and others will
follow! My BEST FRIEND said I was insane for having surgery and did his
best to scare me out of it. within a year he recommended his daughter a old
girl friend of mine have surgery, so far she hasnt. I applaude your
decision having WLS was the BEST DECISION I EVER MADE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
— bob-haller
November 13, 2007
Done deal kiddo! I will add you to my prayers for a good surgery and a
speedy recovery. But I know you will be fine! Good luck, God bless and
see you on the losing side soon! You will be so thrilled!
— crystalsno
November 13, 2007
I told only my sisters I was having my RNY. I didn't want to have to deal
with feedback from people I suspected would express disapproval and
judgement. I left my will on the fireplace mantle, took a cab to the
hospital the morning of surgery and did it. It's harder when you don't have
a "network" of people physically surrounding you. I didn't find
this site until after my surgery - it is an excellent forum for support and
will help get you through. My prayers are with you as you reconcile other
people's opinions with your need and decision to proactively take hold of
your health and life. Congratulations to you for finding the honesty,
courage and determination to move forward with the surgery. Personally, I
believe God rewards these virtues!
— rebirth2007
November 13, 2007
Jessica,
You are going to be fine. As you can see all of us at OH are with you. The
surgery today is much different than back in 98 and it is by far not
mutilation. I had my surgery in January and today you can not see where the
cuts were. I only had four little one inch cuts. The scars have
disappeared. I am 108 lbs. lighter. I am so happy I finally made the
decision to have this done. My only regret is I did not do it sooner. If
you have to keep this secret so be it. Go for it. My prayers and blessings
are with you. I am in Ohio but if you want to chat I am here.
— njkbutton
November 13, 2007
Jessica, our prayers and support are with you. Just remember the Lord puts
the tools before us that we need. Therefore, he has placed this surgery
before you so that you may "... a future with hope." Jeremiah
29:11.
— memom
November 13, 2007
You're in my prayers. Like everyone else said, this surgery is not
mutilation. For some of us, it was an opportunity to save our own lives.
Obviously your parents won't be supportive but, Thank God, you have your
husband and your huge family here at OH who will support you. As soon as
you get your surgery date, join your month's forum. You'll have another
"family" going through it with you. Don't allow small-minded,
ill-informed people to run your life. In the end it's YOUR life and you've
chosen to make your life healthy. You've chosen life over food. You're
going to do just great with the surgery. I'll be 6 months post-op on the
25th and am ready to lose my 100th pound. Is that mutilation? Nope! It's
a miracle and I'm so blessed to have it. I can't wait to hug my surgeon
tomorrow. Feel free to PM me any time! Blessings to you and your
wonderful husband!
— lv2beasahm
November 13, 2007
Hi Jessica,
I am still going thru the steps to get my surg done. But, I believe there
comes a time in life we ALL have to do what is right for US. We can love
our families, but that does not always mean we agree with each of them all
the time. That is what makes us all our own unique persons. Help your self
and all will fall into place. You are not alone, you sd you have a husband
and now you have ALL of the people here ! You are in our Prayes....
ALWAYS.. I believe we all stay in each others prayers and good thoughts
always! WE all deserve the best life has to offer us..and need to remember
to take the HELP when it is offered!
— tootsie52
November 13, 2007
js i know the feeling of being alone.i was alone through my surgery. my
family actually my sister was so dead set against it.but i still went ahead
and did it.and you know what.i really think that she was dead set against
it becasue she was jealous that she would be the only big person in the
family.1 yr after my surgery my sister, yes you read right my sister went
and had the surgery done.difference between her and i today is that she is
very very stuck up now and she flaunts herself around.like saying "hey
look at me".lol.im 5 1/2 yrs out now.
— deb44m
November 13, 2007
I dont have so much of an answer but a thought to consider. What would
your family/parents think of suicide? Because as surely as you would with
a gun or meds, you are killing yourself. Slowly. Painfully. You would
not believe the difference in yourself afterward.
Best wishes,
Chris
— CChappell
November 13, 2007
You're in my prayers. Hey, don't worry too much about your parents. My
mother has disowned me so many times over so many things that it's just
become part of life. She'll stay mad for a while, but when she sees that
it's not working - that I'm going ahead and doing what I think is best -
she gets over her 'mad'. Just hang in there with them - pray that you're
making the right decision - and once you and God have figured out the right
course for you - GO FOR IT!!! Best of luck - and keep me posted.
— Rev217
November 13, 2007
I'm so sorry to hear about your family's attitude about bypass. I know my
family, like aunts and cousins mainly, were very worried and several
expressed their desire for me not to have this surgery. My aunt had bypass
well over 10 yrs ago and had SO many complications with it. It was when
they did stomach stapeling. She also had other issues as well and ended up
having to be on a feeding tube and in 1999 she passed away. The thing with
this procedure is it has evolved SO much in the last 5-10 yrs. I mean, you
don't even have to get cut open typically. Granted some still do, but as a
last resort. I don't know how well educated your family is on the
procedure, but a lot of people focus on the "horror" stories. I
had a few people at work telling me those before my RYN 8 1/2 weeks ago,
but I didn't let them get to me. Maybe your family needs to be reeducated
on the pros and cons. I think it would be better if you could be honest
with them, BUT I can certainly understand if you wanted to wait. I truly
think you need to tell them at some point, even if it is after. Won't thay
wonder how in the world you started loosing all that weight? Just get all
your facts in order and present it to them like a previous post suggested.
I wish you the best of luck and applaude your bravery for doing this
regardless of what others think. You are doing this for your health. God
bless and keep us updated! Julie
— juliebelle0402
November 13, 2007
Hello. As a daughter of a preacher I have to say that my dad and mom were
with me every step of the way and even now I'm constantly in their prayers.
You are also in mine. The Bible tells us in so many words to treat our
body as a temple. It is your job to take care of the upkeep so to speak.
I have lifted you in prayer as soon as I read this and know that I will
continue to do so. It hurts my heart for you not to have the support you
need. As you can see there are a lot of people here who will do that.
Remember the Lord is with you. Pray to him for strength and guidance on
this AND that your family will have a more open mindedness about all of
this. I'm not sure why they feel the way they do, but you know what is
right for you. You are in prayers and thoughts. If you ever need to talk
just let me know. GOD BLESS YOU! Bev
— okiegirl
November 13, 2007
Jessica remember "GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME" and he hears our
cries,be strong in knowing you are doing something good for you..i have not
had wls as of yet but will on 11-27-07, only 5 people know because i just
don't want to deal with the negative words the others will give.....i pray
all the time for strenght....i just started post as well and have found it
very helpful because everyone can related to what i'm feeling..
i will add you in my prayers...feel free to email me anytime..cr
— jordan1
November 14, 2007
Hi J, thanks for writing. I am a born again Christian, and I just ache at
what you are sharing. Fear, your parents fear, is a strong driving factor
for their decision. I don't know their "doctrinal" stand, but I
don't know anywhere in scripture that would support their statements. If
we had cancer, we would use a doctor to remove it. If we had diabetes, we
would go to a doctor and treat it. For some, obesity is a real health
issue. I prayed a lot about this surgery and was more than willing to not
have the surgery if I did not have my husbands or my God's blessing. I
went under the blade with both. My Bible teaches moderation in all things.
My Bible, the Word of God, teaches that we are to bring our bodies under
subjection. Obesity is a sign of not doing that very thing. I think
surgery is not the first option for weight loss, and if you can lose weight
and keep it off any other way, that would be the primary option. That was
not the case for me. I ate 1200 calories a day, burned 1100 calories a day
and walked 8 miles a day and did not lose weight. After years of this
struggle, I had had enough. With my husbands full support, I had surgery.
If you are in obedience to your husband, you can move forward with
confidence. Pray about these things, and you have to understand when you
married your husband, you left your father and mother. You must honor and
respect them, but your obedience and allegiance is to God first, but then
your husband. Parents come way down the list for a married believer. The
Word of God is the power in the believer's life. It will be your rock and
your stay. Be sure you are reading and praying daily, even several times a
day. You need to adjust to the truths in your life, the Word of God first,
and also the condition about your health and obesity. Only you know what
these issues are, but as you pray and seek this out with your husband, you
will work it out. I would be glad to support you on line. Just let me
know what your questions are. And, get ready for the fight of your life.
Your health is important, and obesity is a huge head issue. You have to be
ready for the battles that you will face, with yourself, as well as your
family. You may need to stand behind your husband as he tells your family
to back off. Don't be afraid of submission. It is a gift of God. Take
care. Patricia P.
— Patricia P
November 14, 2007
My mother "forbid" me to have gastric bypass surgery. I
"snuck off" and had lap band surgery. Afterwards she was very
upset. But she was upset with herself for not being there for me and was
actually angry with me for not telling her so she could support me. She
learned a very important lesson, as did I. She loves me regardless, she
was concerned for my health because of the horror stories of gastric bypass
surgeries gone bad. And she knew better than to try and tell me I 'could
not' do something.
— Donna O.
November 14, 2007
I will surely keep you and your fa,ily in my prayers. I am an evangelical
Christian and I KNOW my surgery is ordained by God. He has been with every
step of the way since I considered this and has blessed me in way others
with my same insurance, etc, have not been blessed. My surgeons and
psychologist even turned out to be Christians and I had no idea of that
going in. I am 4 weeks pre-op. You cannot let yourself be unhealthy or die
becasue of your family's warped views. Make your peace with this decision
and do what is right for you and continue to pray they will see the light.
— [Deactivated Member]
November 14, 2007
I am a very religious person and I belive with all my heart that God would
not have given Doctors the idea of this surgery. God knows that we have a
very hard time with will power, we are only human. He knows the turmoil you
are in and He wants to help you in this.. I prayed for many years before I
decided to go for my surgery, I too thought that it was a "bad"
thing, I even talked to a lot of people in my old church and they were
against it. Until they saw the benifits of it. They also supported me in
this whole thing. I think the bottom line was... God wouldn't have given
drs this idea if it wasn't for the good of people.. We don't have a God
that neglects His children, He cares for all of our needs in ways we may
not understand or realize. But He knows.
This trully is another one of those gifts God has given us, but we have to
reach out and take His hand and trust in Him.
(the other bonus is, your "inside parts" are still a part of you,
they do not remove them)
This kind of reminds me about the story of the guy who was stranded on and
island and the water was coming up. The guy kept praying that God would
give him a miracle. All of a suden there was a jet boat that stopped, and
the people asked if they could help him. The guy declined and said "he
was waiting for God to help." and the water kept creeping up, so the
guy prayed again, "God could you help me and give me a miracle?"
so off in the distance a helicopter came flying and dropped a ladder the
pilot asked the guy if he wanted a lift. Again the guy declined saying that
he was "waiting for God to send him a miracle. The helicopter left..
and the water rose it was touching his toes by now, and the guy got down on
his hands and knees and prayed with all his heart, "God could you
please send me a miracle, I want to see my family and kiss my children
again." God answered... He said "I have twice now sent you a way
to get off the island and you declined why? The guy answered "But you
are God I didn't think that People could be used to save me when all I
asked for was a miracle........"
God does send us people when His angels are busy sometimes humans have to
be the angels...
I sure hope this helps you, please if this is trully what you know you have
to do for a healthier you, than take the hand that is willing to help.
Maybe God will use you to help others in this same strugle..
God bless you and please keep us informed..
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Paula
— japaad
November 14, 2007
I had a hard time with my family. They thought the same thing. Why should
i change my body. This was something I has been thinking about doing, I
researched it, found a good program, had my surgery a month ago, and am
doing very well. I found my support through my friends and my coworkers,
and I made it clear to my family that I was having the surgery and it was
for myself and my choice. My family was with me on my surgery day, which
was a shock and have been supporing me ever since. So, your family may
change their minds. You may want to find as much information to give to
them about the surgery. It may help. You will be fine!
— derman
November 15, 2007
I will pray that everything works out for you and that once your family
sees that shedding the extra weight is healthier then they will be happy
for you and maybe even think about the process for themselves. I hope this
doesn't sound harsh, but you have to live for yourself and your husband and
children (if you have any). Our parents love us but remember they will not
always be around for us and we have to think about that. Feel free to
reach out to me anytime if you need someone to chat with.
Sally
— bcknblk66
November 28, 2007
Don't tell anyone. Just say you have been dieting and working out. You
should do this for yourself. You will not regret this. I had RNY 4 months
ago and have already lost 84lbs and 12 inches off my waist. So my advise is
to go for it.
God bless you.
— John C.
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