Question:
whats going on? advice?

ok, since i had wls in april, my fiance has lost some weight too. we will have been together for four years next month. we are only 19 years old, and it seems like we have the 'private' life of a 40 year old couple. so to speak. we are not the average couple. his sex drive is non exsistant. i feel like he has lost his sex drive since he lost weight, but that doesnt make sense. i also feel like i am no longer attractive to him since i have lost weight. he always said he likes 'bigger' girls. but he said that he desires me either way, thin, or heavy. so dont know what is going on. any advice? steph    — squeekypete (posted on September 14, 2006)

September 14, 2006
Hey Steph, Unfortunately for some people loosing weight also causes a temporary loss of sex drive. I know from personal experience. When I met my husband I weighed 245 and at my highest weight I got up to 299. My husband too prefers "Big Girls" and interestingly enough he did not really start liking the new look until after I got pregnant with our 8 week old daughter. I had this surgery to improve my quality of life and he has learned that he has to love the new me as much as the big me. Hell I look good and he is blessed to have a wife that loves him like I do.
   — Tiff's On a Mission

September 14, 2006
Just to be safe, ask your/his doc to test his testosterone levels. It's not just about drive, but like estrogen is for women, prolonged low testosterone can impair men's bones & other organs. Everything is hooked together in our bodies and if one brick fails, the whole building can come down. It's fairly easy to fix this problem, BTW, but first it has to be identified. Quick blood test, quite common. Age has nothing to do with this, per se.
   — vitalady

September 15, 2006
Steph, It is normal for both of you to have mixed emotions and adjustment issues after a weight loss. However, it is important that you stay focused on your weight loss and health. It is not uncommon for a spouse or significant other to display mixed emotions concerning your weight loss. If he was used to you being a plus size girl, he may have relied on that to squash his own insecurities. Some men truly do like 'bigger girls'. On the other hand, in "frank" terms...some like 'bigger girls' because they feel that nobody else would ever take a second glance at them, therefore they will always feel in control of the relationship. Ultimately, give it time and hopefully you both will come around. This is a big adjustment for the both of you. However, don't ever sabotage your own weight loss success. By that, I mean don't ever compromise your health and emotional needs because you are worried about what others are thinking or wanting from you. Ultimately, whether it is a friend, family member, spouse, or significant other---they should be happy that you are becoming a healthier person. Give your fiance time. He will come around. He became comfortable with you as a 'bigger girl'. In time he will also become comfortable with the new healthier and skinnier you.
   — ahluchtman

September 15, 2006
Steph, Coming from someone that has recently been that age. I was young and in love as well. Trust me You have alot of years left to find the right one. Sometimes people in our lives are the right ones for now. The ones that are ment to come into our lives to to help us through something. Such as healthy problems, surgery, etc. The point being. If the relationship is going down hill on the romantic front. Decide to try and save it as a friendship.
   — Navada L.

September 15, 2006
Is he near heavy enough to qualify for WLS?
   — bob-haller

September 15, 2006
Is he near heavy enough to qualify for WLS?
   — bob-haller

September 16, 2006
our relationship is good, just not that great on the romantic level. and no, even when he was bigger, he still wasnt big enough to qualify for wls. we talked about the band for him when he was bigger, but it wasnt ever a solid idea, since he started losing weight on his own. i mean, i am very very glad for him that he is losing weight on his own, but his sex drive when kaput. we want to have kids after i am 'able' to have them (by wls surgeons standards) so i dont know what this means for us trying to have kids. i dont know, maybe he just wants to be safe (as i have problems with most birthcontrols) and not get me pregnant before the two years. he is thoughtful in that way, i just dont know. *sigh* steph
   — squeekypete

September 17, 2006
hi, ok not to preach at you..your only 19 and you looking great.. ok yes i am sure your fustrated with this all, but you want a baby at 19, not married?? you realy should wait, as your young, wait till you lose your weight, and see how it all goes then, if he is not interested in you sexually now, i dont think anything will change, unless you get his testostrin (sp) checked,, you wont realy know the cause for his low libido.. and with the info on your profile, regarding gf/guys it doesnt sound like your ready for a mariage until you know what you want in that area. besides you are on and off with this guy,, take it slow and enjoy your weight loss, your young youth, etc...
   — hotwheel-queen