Question:
First I wanted to say thank you to everyone who answered my question. I really apprec

Now the purpose of this post. I am tired of seeing this problem here. It has been stated before but I feel like it is still a problem. When someone asks a question, I believe the answer should be made in a way and a tone that you would like your question answered. There are too many nasty comments and unneeded responses. Therefore, people are often lead to feel stupid for asking their question and like they no longer want to open up and ask a question on these boards. Thats not the purpose of OH. I personally recently asked a question about ice cream post op and asked nicely for only informative answers aka keep personal and irrelevant answers to yourself please. I still received several rude and demeaning replies...not only under my question but also in my personal inbox. For example, I had one inbox message basically telling me I am too young for WLS and maybe I should try cutting my calories in half or exercising more. Well excuse me most holier than thou but I exercise regularly 3x a week for an hour and a half and I only consume 1200 calories a day. My probably is past weight that I cannot get to come off, genetics, and health issues that are creeping up on me. I also had several answers responding that I should not expect to eat ice cream again and "haven't I ever heard of sugar free." My response is if I am going to decide to have ice cream (EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE) that's MY CHOICE. I am 20 years old and if I live to be 100 it would be unrealistic to say I am not going to eat ice cream for 80 years. Also a lot of sugar free or no sugar added products (not all but most) use some artificial sweetener; I don't like them as they make me sick so I would rather just have a limited amount of the real thing. The point is, I do not mind getting the suggestion of eating sugar free or no sugar added products, but if you are going to suggest that do it in a nice way (most did but a few were rude). Also as I've heard once "keep it cute or put it on mute." Therefore, if you don't have a pleasant response to someone's question your probably better off not responding. This is a huge problem here and I really hope that this post wakes up even one person. We are all here for ONE REASON, to lose weight and become healthier people. Keeping that in mind it doesn't matter the persons age, sex, race, religion, or anything else; we all just need some help at some time. And yes I will admit I have read some questions that boil my blood or sound crazy or simple, but it might not be to that person so I still answer in the nicest way possible and if I can't, I just LEAVE IT ALONE. Sorry for the long post but I felt it needed to be said because it's bad enough when I see it done to others but I will say something especially when done to me! Oh and any negative comments to this, keep that to yourself also. Thanks for reading. Simone    — uNiQuE, iTs wHaT i Am! (posted on March 16, 2009)


March 16, 2009
DITTO!!! WELL SAID.
   — [Deactivated Member]

March 16, 2009
I agree with you 100%. Way to go!
   — deejacobs

March 16, 2009
way to goooooooooooooooooo.... everyone needs respect. Thanks Vickie Shacklelford 1 yr down 127lbs texas
   — purplepassion555

March 16, 2009
I want to say while I somewhat agree with you, I also think you are mistaking their passion for rudeness. I think anyone that is successful at "curing" an addiction are very passionate about it. None of us "fat" people should ever forget what made us "fat". Believe me it was not rabbit food. I think most folks just have your best interests at heart. I think it is very commendable that you are doing something about your weight so young. But you do have to be realistic too. Just like alcoholics we will always be just one hot fudge sundae away from "fat". Sometimes the truth does hurt, but sometimes it also helps. Good Luck and much success with your surgery. Sally
   — troggdog73

March 16, 2009
Honestly some people just can't help themselves....if you are 20 and healthy and doing the surgery for preventative reasons GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! I did it for that reason too. I was healthy when I got it done. I can eat ice cream, sugar,fat and I can drink Coronna Beer as many as I want...not pop though which is weird....anyway the key is that you can have everything you want...but not very much of it!!!! That's it!!! There is a lot of scare tactics used here and you should just ignore them....I've lost 73 lbs since June 28/08 and I continue to lose...I was 248 when I started. Yu will have a life after surgery!
   — Fredricka MacLean

March 16, 2009
Here's what I know, This is OBESITY HELP,so if your here,there is a reason,just like you said.And NO ONE should be judgmental.Because I assure you that the nasty,rude,JUDGMENTAL people, that have run their mouth, don't like it when someone has done it to them. When my email fills up with new posts and I scan through them, if one makes me roll my eye's I simply delete it. There are folks that can't resist the excitement they get out of hurting others. This is my biggest complaint of mankind.WHY HURT OTHERS? Hoooooray to you for having the courage to post this and also taking the time to say what you said.It matters to me.
   — 1stReneeMarie

March 16, 2009
Sorry for your sadness and anger, but please be really careful and read as much of this sites writings, etceteras; FYI this is what's on the OH site too. I just copied and pasted it in from. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/nutritional-guidelines-after-roux-en-y-gastric-bypass-surgery.html "Foods That May be Difficult to Tolerate After Surgery Meats and Meat Substitutes Steak Hamburger Pork Chops Fried or fatty meat, poultry or fish Starches Bran, bran cereals Granola Popcorn Whole-grain or white bread (non-toasted) Whole-grain cereals Soups with vegetable or noodles Vegetables Fibrous vegetables (dried beans, peas, celery, corn, cabbage) Raw vegetables Mushrooms Fruits Dried fruits Coconut Orange and grapefruit membranes Skins (peel all fruit) Miscellaneous Carbonated beverages Highly seasoned and spiced food Nuts Pickles Seeds *Sweets Candy Desserts Jam/jelly Sweetened fruit juice Sweetened beverages Other sweets * Sweets should NOT be part of your diet if you want to reach your weight-loss goal followed by weight maintenance."
   — sor09

March 16, 2009
You said what I have been thinking since I became a member, good job! and good luck with your journey!
   — skneminnee

March 16, 2009
EXCELLENT post, Simone; GOOD FOR YOU! I've actually been so upset at the negative, rude attitude of people on this site that I am just about to the point of disjoining. I don't want to, because support is SO important, but I don't surround myself with negativity. I'll now stay with the site...unless and until the rudeness starts again. God Bless.
   — NJOY

March 16, 2009
Well said!!!!!! I dont post alot here but I do read it everyday. I can assure you that eating ice cream is not going to make you a bad person. If it will make you feel better, and knowing I will probably be bad mouth on here as well. I eat ice cream on a daily basis, not the sugar free kind either, I eat the low fat kind though. I am 3 years out from lapband. I still choose to do protein because I know I dont eat enough of it. So each and everyday for my lunch I make a milkshake with low far ice cream and put my protein in it. So there, to all of you who think eating ice cream is bad. I reached my goal weight after the first year and have maintained it very well for almost the past 2 years since my surgery. So eating ice cream does not make you a bad person nor does it cause me to gain my weight back. So with that being said, I wish you the best of luck. I am sure you will probably stop getting the ugly emails now and I will get them.
   — Babbles

March 16, 2009
AMEN! Anyone who leaves a nasty or judgemental post should be booted off the site because they just don't get it. Good luck with your journey, and remember the nice people on OH definitely outnumber the nasty ones.
   — jeannefitz

March 16, 2009
Great post!! I applaud you for speaking your mind. I have seen some posts on here regarding questions about lots of food choices that are not the best for any WLS patient, but let's face it, we are all going to explore the waters. I am an RNY patient and wish I had a problem with dumping but have found the I can eat any kind of sugar I want, but I just keep telling myself, it will eventually make me sick...this will be a constant battle for me. We all have our own deamons, so receiving rude comments on our choices is not the best support in the world. Sometimes if people don't have anything good to say, they should not say anything at all. It is ok for people to warn the problems bad choices can cause, but to get personal and say that you have no business making this CHOICE is just plain out of bounds. Good luck to you and thank you again for posting this.
   — Stephanie H.

March 17, 2009
Simone That is exactly the reason I don't post on here these people correct spelling & can be rude I wish you luck and do what is good for you. Bev
   — KajunMomX3

March 17, 2009
I was really surprised to see some of the nasty remarks some people made on this "SUPPORT" board. I joined here because I plan on having RNY and wanted first hand helpful information, not bashing. It really shocked me. I agree with you. Hopefully people will begin to keep their nasty remarks to themselves and keep the support going.
   — Jani

March 17, 2009
I have to agree with you on replies to posts that are in that type of tone, but I would say that for the majority of responses I've gotten to my own questions, they have been positive. I guess I can tell beforehand what type of questions will draw the bad people out and I just don't ask them. Which, is what I suppose you were talking about, people refraining from asking dicey questions. My personal opinion of those people, and I hate to use the word, are "haters". Some I bet can't tolerate ice cream at all and how they handle it is damning everyone who can, resentfully. Or, if someone asks about smoking, someone who doesn't anymore but really misses it might diss someone who confesses they still do. It's all in the tone. You can remind someone it's bad for them without sounding like scolding.
   — opheliafl

March 17, 2009
I have grown to dislike this site because it hasn't been the positive and supportive site that I expected it to be. I am a struggler and I feel as if I am amongst a group of folks that feel priveledged because they have had success. It is as if they were never fat, never struggled or ever had the human weakness of eating something that they shouldn't have. What hipocrites! I do and have appreciated the few people that have been positive. I am glad that this is a matter that is being brought out. There are a lot of us that are in dire need of support and this should be the place to get it!!
   — lelafox

March 17, 2009
Hi, Simone. I haven't been following the list lately, so I haevn't seen some of the replies you have received. Please do not let the rude and nasty remarks get to you. You are right to point out to people when they verbally abuse you. A side FYI. Beofre WLS, I had some bad reactions to many of the artificial sweeteners (diarrhea, stomach cramps, etc.). One of the biggest shocks coming from WLS is that I can NOW tolerate artificial sweeteners without all the other reactions. I never would have believed it, but I am very happy about it. Just putting that thought out there. Oh, and I was lactose intolerant pre-WLS. Now I am not. This all could change, I realize (since there were so many changes after WLS), but I am 14 months out. Knock on wood. Best wishes, dana
   — jujuprof

March 17, 2009
Very well said --- though on your ice cream issue.... What I found and I think others have as well, is that you can't IMAGINE what your head will do AFTER surgery, BEFORE you've had it. Yes, there may come a time when you will want to try ice cream in the future, and to do so will be up to you. As an avid lover of ALL food before surgery, what I have found is that I like the IDEA (aka head) of ice cream from time to time. BUT, I can't TOLORATE (aka new pouch) most of it. If you try it and dump or don't feel good, you won't likely want to try it again. If you try it and don't have problems, you may not want to try it again, for fear of the ABILITY to eat it without problems. This is definitly a person by person thing. I also used to have a weakness for donuts....and cant even take a bite now, because they immediately make me ill. BUT, I can chips down with no problems if I allow myself to. This surgery is about making choices and LISTENING to your own body. This is a concept that is very difficult to grasp until you are on the other side. As for my own experience - I was so excited when all that I heard was how people were not hungry after surgery. I looked forward to that!...I was not other people....I was starving after surgery! It was physical, not head hunger. My doctor's regime had me on liquids for a month post op - and liquid goes through me and does not stick...and I was freakin hungry! So, Good luck to you, and again, very well said and agreed about the people on this board. Dani
   — zandeldm

March 17, 2009
I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I have been clinically obese since age 5. I tried numerous lifestlye changes, only to end up failing. I only wish I had the courage to have done this surgery earlier in my life. I guess it was just my time to do it & feel comfortable doing it. Best of luck to you.
   — cvalent1

March 17, 2009
I'm sorry to hear you had such negative responses. I've had a few minor ones in the past and just ignored them. I'm glad you spoke up. I did want to mention or ask if you have considered the vertical sleeve surgery. There is not much of a dumping problem with it so small amounts of ice cream should be ok. It's the surgery I chose and it might work for you. I hope you have great success and are healthy and happy for the rest of your life. God bless. Lisa
   — Lisa von Wallmenich

March 17, 2009
Wow, I am sorry you got bad feedback. I am 6 years out & have maintained my weight, but I make mistakes, I "cheat", I am human. I had my surgery on my stomach not my brain or tastebuds. I am with you on not liking artificial sweetners I take sugar or nothing. I didn't go down to a siz 4 I am a very happy & comfortable 14 & do it by eating some not so good foods sometimes, it is now portion control because I will get sick if I overdo it. My Dr. (nut) told me I could have a little sometimes but watch the scale. But when I went into surgery I believed I would never have rice, bread, pasta, sugar, or grease again as long as I lived. But in reality I can have a little of all if I am careful, I cook at home mostly for ingredient control, if I was perfect & never had the urge to mess up, well I would have never needed the surgery to help me get to a healthy me I am today. So eat ice cream, my preference is bryers, you can see the simple ingredients & have a small portion. Just be mindful not to let it become habit or make you sick (dumping). To stay healthy you have to have carbs, protein, dairy, and all that. So in ice cream you get dairy and carbs, so treat you, you have come a long way just keep it real for you. Hope you can weed the bad from the good, I have found some comforting things here & some judgemental answers, but I take the good & leave the bad, cause I am not perfect either. Good luck on you.
   — Faerydust1313

March 20, 2009
Simone - PM me.
   — VickiJ




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