Question:
Depressed and need advice and prayers!
Sorry to be such a "Debbie Downer", but this is one of the only places I can fully express myself and get advice from people who know what I'm going through. It has been a month since my world came crashing down and I found out my surgeon would not do my surgery even after I had planned on it for over 6 mos. I did meet with the nutritionist a couple of weeks ago, about a week after I found out my surgeon refused to do my surgery b/c of my Binge Eating D/O. I'm focussing on eating healthy and not bingeing and we'll see. My nut will not give me a time frame, but kept saying, "when we're getting ready for surgery, you won't be able to eat "x" amount of this" etc. The past couple of nights, I have been having weight-loss dreams where I go home for the holidays and all of my relatives have lost weight (eventhough they do not have weight issues-most of them) and I have not. In some of the dreams, I think I have lost weight but I'm not sure. My plans were to throw out or donate all of my winter clothes b/c I knew I would not be needing them, just seeing that bin full of sweaters makes me sad, or to look at the wool coat that could easily be a freakin' blanket for most that I will probably have to wear this Winter. I have a degree in Psychology and know the stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Guilt, Bargaining, and Acceptance. I feel like I'm grieving not being able to have this surgery, it is a loss, a huge loss, for me. I realize why my surgeon is hesitant, he's worried about me bingeing and ripping my pouch and he's worried about me regaining the weight once I am 18-24mos out from surgery. He has seen it too many times (mainly the regaining of weight) and has decided to tighten the ropes on who gets the surgery in the first place. Once I can prove to them that I have the Binge Eating D/O under control and that I can eat correctly, then I can try for the surgery again. This may even involve going into a treatment center, because right now I feel so out of control and depressed. I need help and I need your prayers. God bless you all. Feel free to post comments on my blog, or leave me a message. — Clumsybarbie (posted on August 14, 2009)
August 14, 2009
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. Please know that there are
those of us out here praying for you and hoping for the best. Good luck in
your journey.
— Elizabeth_Ann
August 14, 2009
Hi, I am so sorry to hear about your surgeon's decision.
But..............most of the people that are overweight are binge eaters or
overeaters, emotional eaters, so I don't know why your doctor would say
"Once you get the binge eating under control, you can have the
surgery." I would say that isn't up to him. That would be like when
my doctor in the past told me to diet and excercise to lose weight. I told
him "if I could diet and excercise, I wouldn't be fat". So as
far as the under control issue, there is no guarantee that "ANY"
of us won't binge after surgery. Do you qualify for the surgery? Have you
already been approved for the surgery? If so, I would say for you to find
another surgeon. Man, that is like saying to me, I won't give you the RNY
because you are fat. His decision is not very professional and I really
would find another bariatric surgeon.
— Kristy
August 14, 2009
I agree with Kristy.She made some good comments about your frustations.
Look for another surgeon as soon as possible!
— gay_
August 14, 2009
Hi, You are in my thoughts and prayers. I see things very differently from
the previous two posters and believe your surgeon is acting in your best
interest. And you are wise to deal with your binge d/o now . . . I was NOT
a binge eater . . my failing is stress eating with high caloric/low
nutritional value foods and now six years post-RNY, that bug-a-boo is still
an issue. There is no magic bullet to over-coming our issues that got us
here, but we do need to take full ownership of our issues and work as if
our life depends on it to rid them from our lives, because our life does
depend on it. Good for you for doing all that is necessary to gain control
over what you can . . . it takes lots of courage and guts to meet ourselves
head-on in this struggle of weight and health. Go for health and your
weight will follow you. Find a support group in your community if you can
. . . join OA for support with the binge d/o . . . be an active member here
. . . and be kind to yourself as you work on the binge d/o. Find other
outlets for your compulsive eating . . . take up crafts or projects that
keep your hands, your mind, your heart too actively engaged to think about
food. And when you do think about food (because you will), take note of
what you are telling yourself about food and then move on . . . you don't
have to act on every thought you have, but you need to at least acknowledge
that you are having the thoughts . . . you can't control what you don't
acknowledge. I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, but I believe
you can overcome your binge d/o and go on to have the WLS. Your surgeon's
decision could be a blessing in disguise . . . look for the blessing and
turn the loss into your gain.
Embrace the process, in whatever form life gives it to you . . . you will
learn and grow from it. Blessings to you.
— rebalspirit
August 14, 2009
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard and difficult time getting your
surgery.It's very fustrating when you work so hard for it. May I make a
suggestion? One of the posts mentioned Overeaters Anonymus to help with the
issues of binge eating. Another possibility would be a mental health clinic
where someone could work with you one on one.(hopefully would speed up the
process and work with the surgeon). Another possibility would search out a
surgeon and have your iformation transferred over while you're dealing with
eating issues. I wish you luck in your journey.
— Kathleen W.
August 14, 2009
Hi. I find that depression over food issues can sometimes be eased by small
victories. When I look at the seeming insurmountable odds of going from
500+ lbs to less than 200 (goal) it seems impossible. But I have lost more
than 150 lbs by realizing that this will be a journey done in small but
rewarding steps. I measure all my food, and am scrupulously honest with my
daily food plan. Yes, it takes time and work. I am turning my obesession
with eating into an obsession with sticking to 1200 calories a day. 20%
from fat, 40% from carbs, 40% from protein. It's only been four months...
which is just a tick on the clock compared to the years I abused my body
with an overabundance of unhealthy foods. But each day is better. I have
started walking with my wife each night. I see movies with her. (I used to
be too big for a movie theatre seat). I hope to have weight loss surgery
this fall because I too have suffered the yo-yo weight loss my entire
life.. and I don't want to go back to that again.. ever. TAKE ONE DAY AT A
TIME.. ONE MINUTE AT A TIME.. ONE SECOND AT A TIME IF NEED BE. Dont become
overwhelmed. Love and Prayers to you.
— hercules411
August 15, 2009
You asked for prayer, so I'm going to tell you straight out that this is a
spiritual issue as well as a physical one. First Place 4 Health (see it
online) is a study/support group that meets in churches and puts God and
His plans for your healthy, productive life ahead of your own desires to
gratify your flesh. You need to focus on God's tremendous love for you,
just as you are, at whatever stage or weight you happen to be. This isn't
an easy journey, and I'm still trying to figure it out myself.
My pastor recommended a book called Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave,
Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel by Edward T. Welch. Because our
journey isn't easy, we can be assured that the rewards will be great. But
I will tell you that He is changing my desires. It's more fun to watch the
numbers on the scale go down than to eat off my diet (lean meats, almost no
carbs, green veggies, nuts, oils, lean cheeses/yogurt). Whether we obsess
over food, though, or over calories/fat/carbs/exercise/the scale, we still
don't have the freedom we can find only in Him. I will pray for you,
Debbie. Please pray for me, too.
— jtoothman
August 15, 2009
I'm sorry that you are going through this. You asked for advice, and I
have two things for you ---- (1) I think you are doing the right thing by
facing your binge eating disorder head on. Some people say "we all
have problems with binge eating, so your surgeon shouldn't deny your
surgery", but there is a big difference between occassional binge
eating and uncontrolled binge eating disorder. I think you realize that.
If you think that your doctor is wrong and that you do not have binge
eating disorder, then I think that you should get a second opinion. But if
you think he might be right, then you should stay the course and go through
the counseling or whatever treatment you need to help get your disorder
under control. (2) This is going to sound silly, but I think you should
find a new hobby or something else that you enjoy and spend time and energy
doing it. By focusing on something other than the things that
anger/frustrate/sadden you, the mind has time to heal and it helps
alleviate depression. When we "fixate" on things that depress
us, it actually leads to worsened depression. While starting a new hobby
or meeting new friends is not going to "solve" your problem, it
will help you with the depression. (fyi: I went through a very severe
depression a few years ago, and I isolated myself from others and tended to
ruminate on the things that depressed me. I was fortunate enough to be
able to work myself out of it with the help of a good therapist,
medication, and eventually some friends, and part of what helped was
getting outside of my own head to focus on something else.) GOOD LUCK!
— ads2e
August 15, 2009
I am with Elizabeth and Christy. Find another doctor. I have been to many
seminars pre surgery and I find doctors have different requirements. All of
us overweighter have some kind of problem that made controlling our weight
difficult. The way many of us were pre surgery, we are entirely different
post surgery. Mentally. Some doctors make you follow a pre surgery diet and
some don't even bother with that. So, it's your life, your money and your
decision. Pray about it and whatever God-lead decision you make will be the
right one.
— sallie H.
August 15, 2009
Has your doctor come right out and said to you that he does not want to do
the surgery because he is afraid you will binge out and rip out your pouch?
Because I have to tell you that I have read of people that binge and
purge, or just plain binge, and the stomack and esophogus gets damaged to
the point that some people can't have lapband surgery. Were you trying for
the lapband or the RNY or other surgery?
— cydthekid50
August 16, 2009
Anyone in need of WLS is a binge eater! Find another surgeon, quick!!!
— Ms.Ronnie
August 17, 2009
I am so sorry you are feeling down about the struggle to have surgery. See
a good counselor to deal with your depression. See if they can help you
also with the issues that lead to your binging.
It is very hard but once you get to where you can view food as fuel not
comfort you will have more success in all areas of your life. I know it has
been very hard for me to deal with anger now. I have to watch how I respond
to people. I wear my emotion much closer to the surface now that I can't
eat to hide them.
— trible
August 17, 2009
DEFINITELY GET ANOTHER SURGEON!!! At the same time - OA would probably be
helpful - I know it has been for me.
— zimra
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