Depressed and need advice and prayers!

Sorry to be such a "Debbie Downer", but this is one of the only places I can fully express myself and get advice from people who know what I'm going through. It has been a month since my world came crashing down and I found out my surgeon would not do my surgery even after I had planned on it for over 6 mos. I did meet with the nutritionist a couple of weeks ago, about a week after I found out my surgeon refused to do my surgery b/c of my Binge Eating D/O. I'm focussing on eating healthy and not bingeing and we'll see. My nut will not give me a time frame, but kept saying, "when we're getting ready for surgery, you won't be able to eat "x" amount of this" etc. The past couple of nights, I have been having weight-loss dreams where I go home for the holidays and all of my relatives have lost weight (eventhough they do not have weight issues-most of them) and I have not. In some of the dreams, I think I have lost weight but I'm not sure. My plans were to throw out or donate all of my winter clothes b/c I knew I would not be needing them, just seeing that bin full of sweaters makes me sad, or to look at the wool coat that could easily be a freakin' blanket for most that I will probably have to wear this Winter. I have a degree in Psychology and know the stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Guilt, Bargaining, and Acceptance. I feel like I'm grieving not being able to have this surgery, it is a loss, a huge loss, for me. I realize why my surgeon is hesitant, he's worried about me bingeing and ripping my pouch and he's worried about me regaining the weight once I am 18-24mos out from surgery. He has seen it too many times (mainly the regaining of weight) and has decided to tighten the ropes on who gets the surgery in the first place. Once I can prove to them that I have the Binge Eating D/O under control and that I can eat correctly, then I can try for the surgery again. This may even involve going into a treatment center, because right now I feel so out of control and depressed. I need help and I need your prayers. God bless you all. Feel free to post comments on my blog, or leave me a message.

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