Question:
Feeling terribly depressed.... Can anyone help without telling me how horrible I am?

I found this to be the only place I can vent with the possibility of finding someone who understands... that said, here goes. I had surgery about 5 months ago. I started out at 234 and I am only down 44 pounds. I have found my surgeon to be not a very easy person to talk to and am feeling quite alone. I have no motivation to exercise, those workout videos are ridiculous and I always feel too tired. I can eat just about anything... I dont dump. I drink with my meals out of pure habit. I drink alcohol. Not all the time but occassionally which seems to be more than most of you. I feel horrible about myself... If it werent for the fact that I eat considerably less than I used to,(but its not like Im full after half a salad) I wouldnt even believe I had the surgery. I know what I do wrong as you can see from above.. but I dont know how to stop. When I began this journey I was so committed and motivated.. I did the whole diet thing to the letter. Now... well now Im finding it increasingly impossible. If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you..especially if you have found a way to break the cycle. Thank you for your help you guys. Love, Tina — Christina M. (posted on May 1, 2002)

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May 1, 2002
My first bit of advise to you is to find a support group ASAP and go to their very next meeting. You need to meet with people who have experienced your problems and who you can relate to and the best way to do this is to attend Weight Lose Support Group meetings. Many posties experience similar problems and they can help you. You can recieve a lot of support here as well, but meeting with people face to face in group meetings is an even greater way to stay motivated, be informed and and get advise. Most of us have slipped off our path at least once during our journey to lose weight. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just pick yourself up and decide to do better tomorrow and then do it, because you know you can. Don't defeat yourself by saying "I can't control myself". As for exercise, maybe you just need a friend to exercise with or maybe you need a new form of exercise. I bought a bicycle and talked a friend into buying one as well and on our days off we go bicycle riding at least one day. I love to walk, especailly this time of year. Go to a bike path and enjoy spring. Do you enjoy gardening? If so, plan a small re-model of a garden area and get out there and make it beautiful and then start all over in another area. It won't happen unless you make it happen. You've come this far and you can make your goal. But, join a support group and you'll make some new freinds at the same time. Good luck.
— Susan M.

May 1, 2002
Okay, girl I will take a shot at this...you sound soooo down. Please read my profile (especially April). I am pre-op bu may know a little of what you are going through. Try to get focused on YOU and take this one step at a time. Like eliminating ONE thing from your diet (sugar, alcohol, bread, etc) that you are eating that you know you shouldn't. Do that for a few weeks, until it becomes habit again. Drink LOTS of water as this is THE most important tool for any weight loss/diet to be successful. Find a friend who will walk with you a few times a week (outside in the park, the mall, wherever). Tell them to make you do it! Then get the book "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beatty. It's about co-dependency...but it's just a little daily journal thing with a positive message for each day...nothing intense. Don't beat yourself up! Just pick up and start again...one step at a time! Your friend...email me if you like and I will cheer you on!
— DJeffrey

May 1, 2002
Tina,I wanted to cry when I read your question. Please know you are NOT terrible!!! I think you actually hit it on the head. It sounds like depression to me. I should know, I have had recurrent bouts of severe depression for the past three years. At five months post, I had only lost about 50 pounds(actually I think it was only 47), felt like I had never had the surgery, and didn't dump on anything. I, too, ate much less than pre-op, but not as little as many on this board seem to be able to eat. It was(and still is) very frustrating because I seemed to have a lot of trouble "following the plan." In other words, how is the surgery different from every other weight loss plan we've ever tried if you really still have to be on a "diet" for the rest of your life. Well, I am now 16 months post-op. I am still not 100% satisfied with my loss, "only" 100 pounds. I am still technically almost 35 pounds overweight. It is difficult when you read about people losing so much more weight. I feel like a total loser sometimes myself. But then I remember two things: 1) my depression has a definite effect upon my motivation to work out, get all my water and protein in and avoid sweets. So, if you get the depression under control, you may be more motivated to follow the plan. 2) I am not like anyone else on this board. Many have lost much more than 100 pounds, but some of us have not. I know I am much better off 100 pounds lighter than I was. I am by no means "skinny", but have lost enough weight that I look like a "normal" person again. I try to focus on the positive changes I HAVE made in my life. I have gotten treatment for my depression, and it definitely helps. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are *NOT* alone! Maybe you need to seek treatment for depression, therapy, and medication if necessary. However, that may not be enough. You really need to try to think about the 44 pounds you HAVE lost. What a great achievement. And I'm sure you are not finished losing, by any means. You may never have lost that much (and kept it off) without the surgery. I think some of us get off to a very slow start, but then suddenly have big losses over a week or two. Especially around 6 months post-op. Don't beat yourself up about not being perfect. None of us is. And don't let the "perfect plan followers" intimidate you. So, they have faithfully followed their doctor's plan, drink all their water everyday, exercise all the time, and get in all their protein. Good for them. If they can be perfect, that's their business. Not all of us are, and THAT"S OK. The important thing is for you to try to find a way to make this work FOR YOU! Maybe you will never be able to comply 100%, if not, even 60 or 70% compliance may be enough to help you lose enough weight to get healthy. I hope this rambling has been of some help. Please just understand that you are not alone, and I would really like to help if you want to chat. You can email me at [email protected] if you'd like. Good luck! <HUGS> Maria
— Maria H.

May 1, 2002
Helllllllllllooooooooooo, Yes, you sound as if you are depressed! And if that doesn't make you MORE depressed then, well then you wouldn't be normal!!! First off you've lost 44lbs.! Maybe since we see such huge losses around here we think that 44 is nothing!? Excuse me, but 44lbs. is one of my dogs. Take a peek at a Basset Hound and tell me that is not a lot of weight? Where would you hide it? It would be kind of hard. It's also 4 bags of potatoes you ar eno longer carrying around! It also can send you spinning into the greatest funk- due to the hormonal changes in your body. 44lbs. can trap a lot of hormones!!! AND who wants to exercise when they are depressed? Not me, for sure! The only way I can get out of a depression is to talk about it (and occaisionally pop an extra prozac!). I find if I am chatting with sis or friends on the internet, I can tell her how terrible I feel etc. because I am depressed. Depression doesn't always have a reason for being, in my case it is just my body being out of whack. Once I start talking about it, I feel better. Acknowledge that it is there, and then you can begin to get out of it. Feeling better will make you want to do better, but it takes time. I too could eat anything (around 6 mos. we all start to test the waters), was drinking more alcohol and not paying attention to this surgery, and I think I lost my gallbladder because of it. The poor thing had to work so hard to process the junk, it just gave up. Since it was removed, I cannot eat and drink like I could- which is great. I have also been exercising more and eating better. Don't try and fix everything at once. Take one thing you want to change (ie water intake) and work on that for a month, then start diet changes... then exercise... just QUIT beating yourself up!! I believe you want to change or you wouldn't be here, be concerned about it or post for that matter. So hang in there, there are many who have turned around and started over. But take small steps when you do...
— Karen R.

May 1, 2002
Tina, I am pre-op so I don't really know how you feel at this point, however, my cardiologist recommended me for this surgery and told me that MOST people who go through this drastic of a change go through depression and some who have had this surgery have even committed suicide. She told me it may be due to not having the emotional support of the food. I am certainly not very much in touch as to why I use food for emotional support, but the thought of not having it seems like a pretty scary prospect. She highly recommended that I seek counseling before, during and about six months after surgery. I went to my first counseling appt ever about two months ago (on an issue other than my weight) and it helped me tremendously! I have suffered with depression due to PMS for about 4 to 5 years and I know how horrible it can be. But there is help out there! I hope this encourages you to take that really hard first step and seek some help. God bless you.
— KRISTI K.

May 1, 2002
What you are going through is "horrible" not you. Depression is a very debilitating illness. It is almost impossible to get through without medical and psychological help. Try one thing. Call you doctor and tell him/her about your serious depression. He/she will be able to refer you. Reaching out works. Hugs Fay
— faybay

May 1, 2002
Tina, First, congrats on losing 44 lbs!!!What other time have you done that? Also, it's a big step to ask for help-it's also the biggest and hardest step. Sounds like it's time to look for someone to speak with. Could be a pastor/priest,could be a therapist or whatever/whoever. You do sound depressed but I'm not a Dr. to diagnose. Even your PCP. I think that by making little changes you will feel better. Does your surgeon have a follow up program? Is there a nutritionist? Time to find your resources. I also agree with previous posters that maybe it's time for a support group if there's one in your area. Hang in there, If it were me I would be in my PCP's office getting help. Maybe he/she can refer you to someone. Best wishes and continued success.
— Linda M.

May 2, 2002
Christina: It is my humble opinion that (1) you are "failing" the surgery (which you already know) but also (2) that the surgery is failing you. It's very odd that you can still eat pretty large portions and also that sugar/alcohol don't cause you any problems. (?) I had the open RNY and couldn't eat anything much at all until about 6-7 months post-op. At 9 months, I could eat 1200 calories. If you are eating near that at five months, I definitely think you need to talk with your surgeon. If you feel that you can't talk to him, find another doctor. You sound depressed and demotivated, both killers in the WLS world. Good luck to you.
— Terissa R.

May 2, 2002
Hi Tina, I started out at exactly the same weight as you, 234. That was 13 months ago. Please read my profile. I too have suffered from depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, etc. I now weigh 150 lbs and do not feel inclined to lose very much more. I lost it VERY slowly. My surgeon says it is because I needed to lose 100 or less pounds. I am very satisfied at this weight. I wear a size 10 and am extremely healthy. My total cholestrol is 171 and my blood pressure is 102 over 70. I am having a problem with anemia. My hemoglobin is only 11. I take Iron and Calcium every day. Everything is GREAT??? WRONG!!! The hardest thing that I deal with now is the realization that all of those problems that I described at the beginning of this dissertation were not resolved because I lost weight. I still struggle with demons in my head. I have been sober for 15 years, but that addiction was followed by many others, ending in a major eating disorder that almost killed me. Obesity is as much a mental problem as it is a physical problem. We don't eat because we are hungry for food. We eat because we feel empty, or lonely, or depressed, or (you fill in your own reason). When you are an alcoholic and you simply quit drinking, you become a "dry drunk". When you are addicted to food and you simply have to reduce the amount of food you eat, you become a thin fat person. I beg you to get some mental and spiritual help. p.s. a good antidepressant can't hurt either. God bless you
— Dorothy T.

May 2, 2002
Hello, Tina. Please know that you are (obviously) not alone. Remember, the surgery was on your stomach and not your brain. I, too, have had bouts of acute depression, and have wrestled with the demons in my head. We all have moments when we do not do as we know we ought. It is a daily struggle for most of us. Personally, I don't know anyone who doesn't deal with making poor choices (over something) every day, so I don't think you're terrible at all. Take heart. All will be well.
— Marjorie B.

May 3, 2002
I dont know if any of you will come back here but I just wanted to say you have been a tremendous help for me and I love you for it. I went to my PCP and he has prescibed an antidepressant. I used to be skeptical of medicine but thanks to you guys Im going to give it a shot. I am also going to start walking on my lunch break at work... I convinced a friend to demand that I go with her no matter how much I put up a fight. You guys are all an inspiration to me and I love you. Good luck with your journeys... if anyone would like to email me its.. [email protected]. I look forward to talking to you. With my deepest thanks, Tina
— Christina M.

July 31, 2003
Tina, I have struggled with alcoholism and depression too, even though never diagnosed. I know how drink can be seductive, and numbing at 1st, and then lead you into an abyss that will lead to more HELL! I have heard that sometime we can trade one addiction (food) for another (drink) and don't want you to possibly go down this path. I am not IN ANY WAY saying that you are an alcoholic. I just want to try to help if I can. I don't know about medications for depression, but have heard from this website that Wellbutrin or one of the other newer medicines on the market have fewer side affects, and could possibly help you get thru this. You have done GREAT by losing almost 50 lbs!! You could have never done this good by yourself pre-surgery in such short length of time. We didn't gain this weight in a short time, and it will take TIME for it to come off. I know that prayer works. That is ONLY why I've been sober for 13 yrs. I'll be praying for you. Feel free to e-mail if you ever want to talk! My e-mail address is under my profile. I wish you the best!! Becky
— bufordslipstick

July 31, 2003
Oooops! Sorry for sending twice!! The computer was acting up!! BAD COMPUTER =)
— bufordslipstick

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