Question:
How are some of you dealing with those of the opposite sex
trying to flirt or flirting with you? I understand our appearance changes both drastically and dramatically, but the "cat calls", whistling and "don't I know you" are REALLY getting on my nerves!!! I look better (to me) and feel better (especially, considering all of the health problems I had-read my profile)...but I'd much rather not be bothered with the nonsense. How are you dealing with the issue of others flirting with you? As a pastor, I find it lustful because people look at you like they are literally undressing you, as a Christian woman, I don't like it! WLS for me was not for appearance-sake or cosmetic, I decided to have this surgery for my health and so that I could effectively work in the ministry without pain. I'm interested in your comments and suggestions, or if you prefer, please email me at: [email protected] I'd love to hear from you. Prayers & {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}!!! — yourdivaness (posted on November 19, 2002)
November 19, 2002
personally, I'll trade "cat calls" for disgusted stares and
comments about being a "fat slob" any day.
— Vicki L.
November 19, 2002
I don't think you can change how people look at you (or their bad
manners/behavior). I think maybe you could try to adjust to not noticing
these things and not let them get to you. If someone comes up to you to
talk to you, politely tell them whatever you need to get on your way with
what you are doing. I don't mind that I'm getting extra attention lately.
In fact, it feels rather good after years of feeling disgusted with myself.
Good luck. :o)
— Jennifer A.
November 19, 2002
You know, this might sound silly, but that's one of my biggest concerns as
well. I'm a very social person, and I love the company of lots of people,
especially men. However, I always felt pretty safe behind my wall of fat.
Granted, I am only a couple of weeks post-Op, but I still find that I worry
most about how people will change in their treatment of me. I had this
surgery for my health as well...it was not to fit into a smaller pair of
jeans. Sill, I feel it is inevitable in a society that is so centered upon
appearances, that our weight loss will open both positive and negative
doors. My hope is to focus on the positive, and remember that my reasons
for the surgery are far more profound than any sexually-demeaning stare or
comment.
— Laura K.
November 19, 2002
Now we can understand when thinner women talk about the hassles of being
thin (and not laugh at them like they are crazy). Since you shared you are
Christain, I will give you my Christian thoughts about it. It is
unrealistic for us to expect the rest of the world to look at us with the
love the Lord. There are going to be those who will look through lustful
eyes. The important part of the equation is how we react to it. Should it
be with anger, pride, lust, or do we as Christains say to ourselves,
"that person is without Christ and doesn't know better." I then
choose to pray for them. I hope this helps.
— Cheryl S.
November 19, 2002
First odd I want to let you know I see where your comming from being a
Christen woman. But to tell you the truth, I only wish I got only one
flirty comment or look. I have lost -125lbs and not one man had even tried
to talk to me. I not looking to start a relationship, I am Marred, but I
would like to get noticed once and a while. Those types of thing boost a
woman's cofidence. I guess it it really hard when I feel I look good. I
reciently took pics to add to my web site and I look at them and see how
ugly I am and how big my stomach is . Is this normal?
My advice to you is to either ignore then or say a smart comment back to
shut them up. Hope you figure out what's best for you.
— Jody Diou
November 19, 2002
I am not post op-but have a to answer this question anyway. I think it is
disrespectful for a person to comment out loud about a person beauty or
even there appearance at all. If a perfect stranger 'cat-calls' it show
their inmaturity. I guess the best response would be to ignore the
ignorant. There is no way to change them, only pray for them. Hold you head
up high and walk right on by-ignoring any comment.
— Jan S.
November 19, 2002
I too am a Christian woman. Lust is something that I now struggle with on
a regular basis. I guess that it wasn't something to deal with when I was
obese because I wasn't getting the attention that I now receive. I am
married, and WLS has brought up a whole new set of problems for us. And
when I should be focusing on being a better wife for my husband, my mind is
wandering to where it shouldn't. Food was my old temptation, now I'm
tempted in other ways. I guess the problem is different to me because you
stated that you don't like it. My problem is that I do like it and I
don't want to enjoy it like I do. The issue goes a lot deeper than what I
can get into here, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Sorry I don't have an answer for you.><>
— Cheri M.
November 19, 2002
I am dealing with this very same thing right now! I work with the public
everyday and I have men hitting on me constantly. I'm 25 yrs, 180 lbs, size
14/16 and I think I look pretty good , though I have 40 more lbs to lose.
It does make me feel good, but the downside is that I feel like a slut for
enjoying the attention.
— KCAllen77
November 19, 2002
Christian or not, I don't think any woman enjoys being an object.
Unfortunately, now you're having to deal with what thin women have dealt
with all along. I agree with the poster who said to try and ignore it.
What did you do when people called you fat (or some other nasty, rude name)
before the surgery? I know I personally just ignored the person and tried
not to let their ignorance ruin my day ...
— Terissa R.
November 19, 2002
I've been getting a lot of looks....but "respectful" looks,
thankfully. In San Francisco, although crazy and liberal...there tends to
be a good amount of respect going on in the streets...men don't "cat
call" from construction sites or anything like that. The women around
here are quite outspoken and just wouldn't put up with it! I find myself
laughing and smiling to myself as I get these looks (not stares). I was
"invisible" before....now men look at me in the street. It's
okay with me. The other day I was in an elevator and it was just me and
this guy. It was a really big elevator. We both rode it to the 1st floor.
They guy was standing closest to the door....as it opened he actually
stood back and let me go out first. I actually had to take about 3 steps
to even get to the door. I almost burst out laughing, it was so precious.
Before, this guy probably would have flown out the door as it opened, just
to get away from the fat girl in the elevator (God forbid anyone would
think we were "together"). So to me, it's funny. It will take
some getting used to, but it's okay. I would never put up with cat calls
and open stares or touching in any way....that was never, and will never be
okay with me. And I think even good Christian men (and I'm looking for
one) have the right to look at a woman respectfully, appreciatively, even
in the streets. Hugs, Joy
— [Deactivated Member]
November 19, 2002
— Jeff B.
November 19, 2002
NO OFFENSE MEANT...but what does being Christian have to do with it?
— Tamara K.
November 19, 2002
Correct..we had this for health reasons, but the physical appearance
improvement and being noticed by the oppisite sex are a PERK!. I am
married and enjoy when men notice me or smile at me, I was FAT and
INVISIBLE or so long..the attention feels good.
— ~~Stacie~~
November 20, 2002
I find that I am also getting more attention and smiles, talking, all what
some might say is flirting. For me it is not that I am physically
attracting men. Instead it is just that I am more confident, friendly and
chatty. I am down 110 but still over 350 so I am still out of the
attractive range. I just feel better about my relationship with the world.
If they are pleasant and positive look at it as an offer of positive
energy and accept it . The catcalls that's diiferent ignore or set your
boundary with a comment- whatever your style. Mainly remember that you
control what you act on and simple attraction is not negative. Please
consider how your being uncomfortable with the attention could negatively
affect your weight loss. I know that I personally packed on my weight as a
way to protect myself from men, and had to learn new ways to enforce my
personal boundary. Best wishes Carrie
— Carrie R.
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