Question:
Anyone else been hurt like this? Anonymous "gifts"
I just found a cassette tape that I had completely forgotten about. It was left for me with the receptionist at work by and anonymous "friend", before I had my WLS. The note said "from someone who loves you and worries about you". It was a recording of a Richard Simmons message. I was so humiliated. I know that this person cares about me, ( I guess) and maybe they did not feel that they could approach me with out hurting my feelings, but you kow what, they did hurt me. Has anyone else ever had this happen? This person has never come to me and discussed weight, nor have they even come to me since I have lost weight and made a comment, I did NOT have WLS because of this tape.It seems like just when you are on top of the world someone tries to knock you down, but I am probably being too sensitive. Would this have hurt anyone else? — Sue B. (posted on August 8, 2001)
August 8, 2001
You're not alone, while I've never received anything like that, it would've
crushed me. So no, I don't think you're being over sensitive. Be it me
though and I ever found out who did do it.. I'd have them fired for
harassment...
— Elizabeth D.
August 8, 2001
I feel so bad that this happened to you! Think about this--that person has
gone on with their life and they are happy. You on the other hand let their
actions make a choice for you and you are still morbidly obese. Another
persons opinion means nothing in the end. I did not tell anyone not in my
immediate family because I feared things like that. Dont let someone treat
you that way and influence you. I dont care what people say, I am going to
lose weight because I cannot take it anymore. If you want to get slim and
healthy through rny, do it! If you choose not to, fine, too. Let the
decision be yours and not because of someone else. You have to live in your
skin, be happy about it.
— Courtney W.
August 8, 2001
That really sucks that this person felt the need to "take your
inventory". What a coward to approach like that. Yes I too have been
hurt by other people. My husband left me because of my weight and said I
was too fat, and I was not fit to have or take care of his children, ( and
that was after 13 years), I was devistated. I have in the 3 years since
proubly gained 150 ppunds, (oh I showed him). ALL I THINK ABOUT IS
REVENGE. But then I remember hime. Good lucking , charming, and a BIG
DRUNK. People can't "humiliate" you unless they are
"human". People look at me and automatically think they know
what my problem is. It is unfortunate the fat people have their problems
for the whole world to see. But remember, there are ALOT of very nice
looking, thin, "well intentioned people out there that are screwed up
inside ........ we just can't see it. People who are not heavy will never
know. Ans PS, Richard Simmons is a fraud, I have met him! Keep your chin
up and go on with your life. Confront this person and look them in the eye
and tell them WHEN I WANT HELP, I WILL ASK FOR IT.
— [Anonymous]
August 8, 2001
I am a little confused, you say you did not have surgery because of the
"tape", but your profile seems to say that
you did. Any way if YOU want the WLS you should have it. like the other
poster said you are letting that person keep you M Obese. Don't let other
folks run your life. Try and be tough and DO This for yourself NOT OTHERS!
— [Anonymous]
August 8, 2001
My "guess" is that this person cared and did'nt want to hurt you.
I know I've hurt people in the past with my good intentions. I think they
went about it the wrong way. I sure would'nt have refused WLS because of
it! I don't know why you did? If anyone refuses to go through WLS it needs
to be for better reasons than this. It's YOUR choice if you DO or DON'T
have surgery. I think if you can be so easily changed away from surgery
because of this, then you are most likely not ready for surgery. Back off
until you know for sure. This surgery sure is'nt for everyone. It is very
difficult when you "want" to have it, it would be really bad if
it was'nt right for you. Good luck with whatever you decide. But do, or
don't for the RIGHT reasons, not because someone hurt your feelings. I
don't say this to be mean, but because I am often very easliy hurt when
others did'nt mean to hurt me. I guess for me it's my very low self estemn
that blinds me. Good luck with whatever you decide.
— Danmark
August 8, 2001
OK when the first person misread Sue's post I let it go, but now Daniel has
also misunderstood, so I'm going to respond. Sue had the surgery then
found the tape. She said she didn't have the surgery because of the tape,
meaning the surgery was already done before the forgotten tape was
discovered. See? Sue I'm sorry this happened to you and you were hurt.
It was not an appropriate way to tell you you were overweight. I'm not
sure there is an appropriate way to tell someone that. What is wrong with
people anyway? Do they think we don't realize we're overweight? Whomever
said it's not anyone else's business was right. I also agree that you
should focus on your future and try and let this hurtful experience go. I
know easier said than done. :o) You have every reason to go back to being
on top of the world. Just think you had the last laugh even without
knowing how this person felt pre-op. Pretty cool really when you think of
it. Best wishes on your continued success. Sherry
— sherry hedgecock
August 8, 2001
I know how you feel. About 2 months before my surgery I received in the
mail at my home an advertisement out of a newspaper on how you can lose
50lbs using some weight loss product. Someone had cut it out and mailed it
to my home using a typewritten envelope so I could not identify the
handwriting. At first I was hurt, then I was mad and finally I was smiling
on the inside. I figured this person has no life and no courage if they
have to send things to me anonymously and I knew I was having surgery in 2
months and that in the end I would be the one smiling. Keep your chin up.
— Elizabeth C.
August 8, 2001
Awww. This made my eyes sting. They cared enough to try to help, but
didn't know how and didn't want to hurt. Isn't that a very loving thing to
do, even if done wrong? They tried! But yes, I'd probably prickle a bit at
it. Try to remember the love behind the gesture and maybe that will take
some of the sting out of it. As to the person with the newspaper
clipping!!!!! I got one the day I hit 104# (on me, almost 160
lost)......... it was HYSTERICAL! The post-mark gave it away, but I knew
this guy kinda had a crush on me when I was normal sized, then still liked
me when I got large. Not boyfreind, but a small crush and just a caring
gesture. He couldn't know. I was hurt/touched. I've received 3 or 4o over
the years since then. I PREFER to think they are either mass mailed OR
from a person who last saw me near death at full size and that they
desperately wanted to help me. At this point in time, I like to think they
wanted to help and did not want to offend, unlike others who
"knew" exactly what i needed and had no problem explaining how
stupid & weak willed I was. The note droppers were thinking maybe I
just didn't "know" about this new way. Bitterness burns you, not
them. But if you think of how YOU'D tell someone you cared about, maybe it
can start giving you warm fuzzies instead. Inept? yes, but maybe from a
loving heart.
— vitalady
August 8, 2001
I agree with Michelle. I think the person had good intentions. Let it go.
Don't give it the power to run your life and hurt you as it has. I don't
think one poster or one person on this site that has had this surgery
hasn't looked at another MO person post op and thought -- that person needs
this surgery. I am only 6 weeks post op and I have thought that and
wondered about ways to approach people (I haven't and probably won't ever
because I fear they may react the way you did above). Instead, I tell my
MO friends I had the surgery and allow them to use me as their guinea pig.
Anyway...I digress. I guess I'm trying to say that there are caring people
out there that just don't know what to do or say or how to say it but want
to help.
— Kimberly L.
August 8, 2001
Poor Sue. We've all been there in one way or another. Well, in my humble
opinion, you're giving this gesture "free rent" in your brain.
You CAN evict it. Love the person in your mind for trying, even if the
effort was a little wrong-headed.
— [Anonymous]
August 8, 2001
I too received an "anonymous" gift from some "well meaning
person". I got an envelope through the mail with no return address
and my address hand written (leading me to believe that a personal message
was enclosed). Opened the envelope to find a newspaper article on a doctor
offering a "revolutionary new weight loss program". On the
article, hand written, were the words "Hi! I tried this doctor and
the program really works!" I was so hurt and humiliated! Too bad
both of our "good samaritans" chose to not include their names,
we could of sent them prompt messages back saying "NO THANKS!" I
read your profile Sue and you're doing great! Throw that tape in the trash
where it belongs!
— Cristy K.
August 9, 2001
I got mail in an unaddressed envelope. I didn't know and still don't know
who it was from. Inside the envelopne was one page. A copy of some diet aid
ad with a highlighted sections and a brief comment on top which was
circled. It said, "You should try this, it really works!" Love, A
friend. At that time I weighed 230 pounds. I think it was that mail that
instigated my next weight gain. I still can't figure out who would send
that to me or how they would get my address to do so. I move an awful lot.
Anyway, it made me feel really crappy to get that in the mail.
— Danine N.
August 9, 2001
I wanted to tell you and the previous poster to your question that that one
page out of a newspaper about a diet with handwriting on it that says
"Try this, it works!" is NOT from a private, anonymous friend.
THAT is an advertising tactic that that company uses. It is very rude and
demeaning! I know of people who aren't even overweight who have received
it.
— Cindy H.
August 9, 2001
I got the same mail a few years ago. It IS an advertisement. I thought it
was form someone too until I looked very closely at it.
— Brenda S.
August 11, 2001
I'm just curious if the people that answered this question ever belonged to
LA Weight Loss? Reason: My 12 year old neice and her grandmother joined LA
a year ago, and a month or so ago they both got an envelope about the same
as has been described and she was so excited to get the envelope (most kids
love to get mail) and her mom said her face just fell and she was
humiliated when she read what was inside. I thought at the time that LA
must be selling their client lists out (which I think would be really
rotten.) Any responses or thoughts would be appreciated. Donna (AKA Super
sleuth.)
— patsy B.
August 12, 2001
I live in Wisconsin and a tall thin friend of mine also recieved this in
the mail a few years back...Wow...At the time she thought it was from her
sister in law because it had a LA postmark on the envelope and she lived
there. She was really upset!!! So, now we know the truth....
— deborah D.
October 29, 2001
I too have gotten those advertisements. At first I wondered who it was,
then I got a couple more and noticed how it wasn't really "Hand
written" I wouldn't worry about it, but when your this size, anything
about my weight always made me bristle. Hopefully I will be having the
surgury asap. But that may be up to a year, if all goes well with the ins
& refferal.
— Beverly M.
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