Question:
Help!!! Am I normal?? Please help me...I feel like I'm losing my mind!!
Hi....This is my first time ever posting..am hoping that I can get some helpful advice. I have been on this site several times a day for the past 2 months and see how helpful everyone is...I decided to have this surgery (lap RNY)over 2 months ago, chose my Dr., and made the call thinking it would be just as easy as making an appt to meet the surgeon and go for approval..boy was I in for a suprise... They sent me a packet which I sent back and was told that it take then 4-6 weeks for it to go through the process of them actually calling me for an appt....4-6 weeks!! My heart dropped right then....but ok, I know this has been very popular lately, so I have been waiting patiently..sort of..The whole process is first a Psychiatrist looks at the paperwork and then okays it and sends it over to the surgeon...I was told this would take 2-3 weeks and then another 2-3 weeks for the surgeon to call me...well, I just called again today and was told that the 1st Dr. didn't even look at it and would be another 2 weeks and then another 2 weeks on top of that just for the surgeons office to call me.....My problem is that ever since I decided to have this surgery, I have been extremely emotional and depressed to the point that all want to do is sit at my computer and eat...and sleep to pass the time...I feel like I don't have a life anymore. I have gained so much weight in the past 2 months that I don't go anywhere because I feel like I can't enjoy myself because I have been so worried about the fact that I look so terrible lately. I have about 150lbs to lose, I just don't even have the energy to do anything. I have a very supportive husband but I am sure that I am driving him crazy...I have found myself being VERY short fused and emotional and crying at stupid things..He has never had a weight problem and even though he tries to console me he just doesn't understand completely what I am going through...I know this sounds like depression and I have been on antidepressants before but I think that it stems a lot from the fact that I want this surgery so bad that it is consuming me. Also because I feel alone and that noone understands me...noone but my mom and hubby know that I am having this done. My sisters are both overweight and would try to either stop me from doing this because I won't be fatter than them anymore or gossip so bad about me and twist things around...they would be very jealous of be and would tell everyone that I am doing this to try and make it some kind of cop-out. Someone in the family had this done and although she told noone, it got out and my sisters were talking about how she took the easy way out...Since I have been tempermental and depressed I have pushed people away and they think it's because I am a *itch..and moody...and mean. Just today I got in a fight with my sister and mom...got so upset that I threw some things around, took 2 xanax and fell asleep for 2 hours....This is so opposite of the person that I am. I wish there was a support group in my area that deals with the emotional issues not only post-op but the torture you go through pre-op...as I am going through this because I probably won't even get to meet the surgeon until June....then I have to go through the approval process, and who knows how long that might take, then I have to make a surgery date.....I may not even have this done until late this year if I'm lucky. I don't know if I can handle another fat summer...especially since I have put on 30lbs since last summer. I just feel like I can't go on living my life like this...I am at my heaviest weight right now and feel so down that it scares me.....Please, I hope to hear from some of you that might have gone through the same thing or any suggestions as to what I can do..Prozac just doesn't work anymore and xanax doesn't do much either. I need to do something before I am so bad that noone, even my husband would want to be around me..... — bobbie B. (posted on February 27, 2001)
February 26, 2001
It sure is tough for you right now. Please go see your doctor or a
community mental health clinic doc for some extra help in getting through
this tough time. You may need more than Prozac or Xanax for a while to
help you get over the "hump"
You might consider, (I encourage you to) seeing a therapist for some help
with the issues surrounding your sisters and your hubby. From my own
experience, sister battles are on-going regardless of the subject and I had
to "immunize" myself from them by deciding when and where I
could deal with my sister and limiting our connections to those specifics.
My therapist called it eliminating the toxic people in my life.
I know you are going through some very trying times. I am also preop and
waiting for a surgery date since december. It is frustrating, but every
day is another day closer to getting what I want and need.
I hope that you will seek the special help that you need at this time in
your life. It will help you. E.
— Elaine P.
February 26, 2001
Hi, I began my journey to get this surgery done in june. It took over six
weeks just to have my consult. then it was preop test after test. I
finally had my surgery on Feb. 7th. My ins. paid it all. I know how
frustrating it is, but no matter what you would have to deal with the
weight, so just jump through the h0ops and go for it. Stay away from the
people that are not supportive, or tell them you will visit, but your
surgery is NOT topic for discussion. If they really care, they will
respect that. If they don't care they will be defensive. It is a lot of
work, but it is worth it. I lost 20 lbs in the first six days and I am
almost at three weeks and all my clothes are getting baggy. It is
frunstrating the wait I know. I waited seven months, I told my mother and
her friend about it just recently, they decided to try and get a surgery it
took them one visit and one month and they were done! I
thought..."gosh dang, I worked so hard and they did not have to do
anything" It all depends on the dr. and the ins.
Good luck!
— Patricia C.
February 26, 2001
Boy I sure think you want to rethink (you sure don't want to go to some
surgeon that is'nt busy.
It's like the restraunt story "No One Eats There anymore because
there to busy."
— Mike H.
February 27, 2001
Bobbi Jo, I ran into the same problem. My first call was to the Bariatric
Treatment Center, then the GOOD local teaching hospitals. I called their
department of surgery and asked which surgeons did GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.
I was astonished how many did. My surgeon is a critical care oncology
surgeon, specializing in gastroenterology. Which meant to me, not only was
he qualified, but he's done this so many times to save cancer patient's
lives. I called him on a THursday, got in on a Monday and the rest was
history. My complete process from consultation, approval process, and
surgery was less than 1 month. No joke! I'm now 11 days post op, feel
wonderful and love what I have done for myself!! Bariatric Treament Center
finally called while I was 4 days post op! I've always been against going
with the busiest restaurant, busiest salon, and would never sacrafice my
health for less than perfect work. I wish you the very best in your
endeavor. Just remember, "He's not the only show in town!"
— corpdiva2006
February 27, 2001
Dear dear Bobbie Jo, you are not alone. I went to a wls seminar in June,
unfortunately took my time making my mind up but in November I hand
delivered my medical records to the surgeon along with the packet I filled
out. I didnt get the consultation appointment until Jan. I didnt find out
that I was approved until this last friday. I still don't have a surgery
date. I've been told its usually 2 months for my surgeon.
I too have been depressed, I tried to ignore and refuse the fact for a long
time. I finally got on trazadone and am seeing a therapist. What a
difference! Most of us are fat because of mind issues. I found a therapist
who is built like me with some of the same health issues. She is turning my
life around. She is also an acceptable person to vent to. Most our
*itchyness has a deeper root to it,it really is helping me work out old and
new issues by finding the right therapist who I can yell, scream,cry and
talk to. I'm glad I found my therapist and I know I will need her after
surgery since food has been my friend, my escape, my lover, my addiction of
choice. I have used the fat on my body to insulate me from others and
different situations. Once I don't have food to turn to I will be forced to
deal with the issues that I have chosed to stuff away with food instead of
dealing with. The surgery isn't going to make the old issues just go away
just like a pill won't make the issues go away. The issues have to be dealt
with, it's easier to have a therapist/psychiatrist help you work out your
issues.
Dear Bobbie Jo, talk with your pcp and or insurance about finding a
therapist/psychiatrist. By writing for help you know you need help. You
have taken the first step.There is help out there. You go girl!!!
— Helen B.
February 27, 2001
Oh, I know just what you're going through. I started this process after a
horrible experience prepping for my best friend's wedding. I know it's
corny but she's like a sister to me, we lived together for a while and I've
known her my entire life. Anyway, I've been so depressed and watching all
my skinny friends getting MARRIED, even the overweight ones (you know like
thirty pounds) are losing and looking so healthy. AAck. I go so *itchy
about it that now I've been uninvited to stand at the wedding. So, I know
exactly how you feel. I thought my surgeon would really hop on this but
now I feel like I'm in never-never land. I don't want to nag, but I'm sick
of doing nothing. It's not even that I want to have the surgery right
away, I just want to know that the wheels are turning and that it really is
going to get better. I'm trying a new antidepressant but I have no idea if
it will work. All I can say is find the one or two people who can support
you even in darkness. They're the ones who will count in the long run
anyway. And phooey on anyone who thinks surgery and the post-op life are
easy. Maybe they should read some of the things people here have gone
through, maybe they're taking the easy way out by gossiping instead of
cleaning their own closets. Thanks to all on this board who give us this
forum to air our frustrations. Email me anytime if you need to vent more.
[email protected] :)
— kcanges
February 27, 2001
Bobbi: You do sound depressed. I'm wondering if you know that XANAX is
just synthetic valium? Does your doctor know you are taking two at a time?
I got addicted to XANAX years ago, and my doctor had assured me that it
wasn't addictive. I ended up going to rehab to get off of it, doing a
librium countdown, withdrawal, etc. It is tough to get off and you aren't
supposed to ever just stop abruptly either. This was all because my
gallbladder pain was misdiagnosed as panic attacks! What a mess I was for
awhile. I lived my life around taking that pill. Anyway, my point is that
you need to go talk to a good doctor about what pills you are taking, how
you are taking them, and why. Some people tend to
"self-medicate" and this can cause big mood swings, etc. As far
as it taking a while to get approval, etc. -- we've all done that -- for
most of us, it took a while to go through the process. My insurance
company required me to go on a 3 month supervised weight loss before
approval -- but, I made it through and am now near goal weight. It is
worth whatever it takes. About those sisters of yours (and anyone else who
may be negative, gossipy, or judgmental) -- don't tell them. If they find
out through your parents, then stay away from them until you are recovered
from surgery and losing. There will always be jealous people out there --
and if they are jealous, they aren't your friends. If they are mean or
hurtful people, even if they are family, they don't deserve your time or
attention. I wish you the best, and you just hang in there. This website
is a great source of help.
— Cindy H.
February 27, 2001
Bobbi-jo,I'll bet you get so exited at christmas time don't you:) I think
you are as normal as everyone else and you'll be just fine. Seems to me
that this particular surgeon is in very high demand - that could be a good
thing or a bad thing. Nobody wants to wait in line at a busy restaraunt -
but if I know I'll get good food and good service - I don't mind waiting.
If it's McDonalds - theres another one down the street. Spend some time
deciding on if this surgeon is actually the one you want. Have you called
others? You may find one better. Don't go with the first one. About your
sisters - I think you are right. They will be afraid that you won't be
bigger than them. It doesn't feel good to have someone not share in your
happiness but it happens. I have a mother the same way. But if "taking
the easy way out" is by subjecting yourself to major surgery and
accepting that you will never be able to eat the same way again - then do
what you got to do. People are going to talk no matter what - when you are
thin and looking good, you will have the last laugh. About the
antidepressant and the Xanax. Maybe you need a different type of
antideppressant. Sounds like you are a stress eater (like me) and surgery
isn't going to help that if you don't get a handle on "why" you
eat.But it sounds like you already know why you eat. You want this surgery
NOW. Xanax actually made me anxious and angry. Maybe you should talk with
your doctor and tell him that the dosage is not helping - he may switch you
to something else. Above all remember that you are in control of what is
happening - you choose what surgeon, you choose who knows, you choose to
let other peoples comments bother you. It's okay to do something for
yourself, your kids, your husband and you don't have to answer to anyone
about your reasons for it. You'll be just fine. Good luck! K
— K T.
February 27, 2001
Whew. I am so glad to see someone else write this. I too have been
*sevberely* depressed since making the decision to have WLS. I am 100%
completely sure this is the right choice for me, but between the waiting
and having to face the fact that I am in need of a drastic permenent body
revising surgery to conquer my fat... Well, in the last month, I have
quit my job and spent massive amounts of time in tearful fetal position.
Seeing the answers to your questions, I'm going to hunt out a therapist.
It'll be good for me long term anyway as I go through the surgery process.
But, no girl, you are not alone. Make sure you get some support from
your PCP and look into seeing a therapist, but I think your reaction is
quite normal (and mine too, thank goodness!)
— Alisa M.
February 27, 2001
I, too, am playing the waiting game. When Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers
sang years ago, " The waiting is the hardest part" they weren't
kidding. For me,it's important to realize that I feel out of control of
what hapens to me when I think there's nothing I can do about WLS until the
day they put that IV in my arm and wake me up hours later post op. That
kind of thinking shifts far too much responsibility/importance on the
surgeon and the mechanics of the surgery itself. Now-- this time, is
eminently important. When I consider myself a pre-op patient I again take
control, ownership of my situation. It's my responsibility to deliver
myself to my surgeon in as good a physical, emotional and spiritual health
as possible. Therefore, I have many, many things to do before that I.V.
There's no time for inaction. I have been visiting gyms since I know that
when I get the medical clearance, I may want to join an exercise class. I
also look at PE classes held by the Continuing Education Dept at local
schools, etc. You know, we'll be loosing weight so fast that we're goining
to need varying size clothes to wear for a few weeks at a time. To that
end, I'm visiting thrift shops and consignment stores just to get an idea
on used clothing prices, styles and conditions. I also spend some time
with fashion catalogues just daydreaming in a happy, uplifted way, about my
"new body" and how I'll dress it. Right now I'm looking into
buying an audio tape that I can listen to consistently to relax me and
foster my healing. This pre-op patient wants to shake off the stress now
because I'm not going to let those harmful stress inducing hormone play
havoc with this pre-op body. No sir! I'm taking good care of my psyche
because I don't want any preventable post-op complications. In other
words, when I finish this waiting time I don't want to exchange it for
increased post operative recovery time. I, too, have a thin husband. He's
5 foot 10 inches tall and 140 pounds! Has God got a good sense of humor or
not! I don't want him to miss any meals so I often make some extra at
mealtimes to stow away for when I'm recovering and surely don't want to
cook. I also made a pot of broth and froze in in one serving size pouches.
Like you, I traverse the net for information on this procedure. I keep a
journal of all that happens relative to the surgery and am truthful and
quick to write of my frustrations.
I also go to the support group that meets weekly though my bariatric
surgeon's office. Besides my husband, the Lord is my best friend. He's a
great therapist.
I surely don't want to sound like a goody two shoes but we pre-op patients
have a lot to do.
— kat P.
March 3, 2001
Hi,
Just a thought but valium is a depressant so the xanac may be worsening the
problem rather than helping....Annie
— Annie J.
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