Question:
Anybody else scared of how men will react to body?

Hi. I'm divorced, 10 months post op, and down 142lbs. I feel great and though I have not dated yet, I notice guys looking these days, when they did not before. I'm a Christian, so its not like I'm gonna sleep around, but I'm hoping someday to get married again, and when I do, I'm afraid of freaking out my new mate! Its not just the scar, which is about half and inch thick,and I don't scar well, so its darker, but its the saggy skin, and horrible stretch marks(my 4 year old calls them booboos!). I know that I will probably be getting skin removal on the inner thighs, stomach, and arms..(hopefully), but that does not fix my stretch marks, or my outer thighs which are awful (can't afford liposuction.). My breast are in sorry shape, and all and all, though I looked bad before, out of clothes, I don't think I look much better, though in clothes I do. I'm not complaining about the surgery at all...its been such a Godsend and blessing, and I would do it over again in a heartbeat. Its just that I'm so worried about it(I'm actually obsessing)that I'm afraid that if a guy actually did ask me out, I'd just say no so I would never have to worry about it! Has anyone else had this fear? I've seen questions on the scar and did it cause problems, but I didn't see any on the rest of it, the saggy breast, stretch marks, etc. I would appreciate any advice, answers, or just common worries!:) (Sorry so wordy!)    — Christy B. (posted on February 14, 2001)

February 13, 2001
Hi Christy! Don't worry- being a Christian covers a myriad of sins (sorry, that just came to me:) I obsess frequently (and I am a Christian too) about the stretch marks, scars (I just had hernia surgery), and definitely the saggy skin! I don't have an answer for you except to tell you I noticed this morning my skin seems better. Now I am never positive about my skin, so I look at this as maybe starting to accept myself more- after all, I am down 130+ pounds and into a size 8-10. Now, I am married to a wonderful Christian man who would rather have my size 8-10 body along with stretch marks and all, than having me so unhealthy as I was (he still loved me fat-just worried about me). My guess is, you will be looking for a soulmate to walk with the rest of your life, and if so, he will love you so much that he will see past what ever draw backs you see in your body (he may never even see them-especially the way you do). Easy for me to say, but try not to worry before you have to, and, don't sell God short on the miracles He can do- even with scars- Look at what Jesus' scars did for us! Love,
   — M B.

February 13, 2001
Beauty is in the heart, not skin deep. It's not unique to just Christians either.
   — [Anonymous]

February 13, 2001
Christy, don't sweat it too much. Assuming this first date knows about your child, most men know when women have children, there's a possibility she'll have stretch marks. My husband calls them my mommy badge. He's proud of them in a way, because he knows they came from birthing his boys. Anyway, my suggestion for the outer thighs is to work a little harder on them. Those problem areas sometimes need extra attention. Maybe try typing thigh exercises on the search engines online. There are target area things to do. And as far as the loose skin. I don't think there's much you can do other than use a tightening cream to smooth out the appearance. Don't keep yourself from dating though. It's not like you'll be wearing a bikini! LOL Any man you get serious enough with to reveal your "secret" should be nice enough to not care about it.
   — Amy K.

February 14, 2001
Christy, I have had the same fears myself. I've lost 112 pounds in the last 8 months and have reached and past my "target weight" ... so I am feeling pretty good about myself ... as long as my clothes are on! How depressing, to put on a size MEDIUM bathing suit, have it FIT, and STILL look at myself and say YUCK! My lower tummy and inner thighs are just yucky to me, BUT I have noticed that working out has greatly improved both places, especially my inner thighs ... and the only exercise I've done is walking my dog or swimming. But I do worry that it will matter to a new man (the scar, the stretch marks, the loose areas), if I ever get to that point in my life again, and my friends have given me the same advice ... he shouldn't care, and if he does, he's not worth my time. Hope this helps!
   — Beth B.