Question:
HELP! I need Counseling Pre-Op for Emotional Issues
I am lost...I really need advice from someone who has been there. I am now just waiting for my surgery date (Gastric Bypass). I am not scared of the surg or anything like that, but I want my surgery date NOW (impatient)---I am just having so many emotions--anger, depression, embarassment, and agoraphoibia, self-loathing, and I am pee-d off that I am overweight. (I have had some anxiety problems in the past couple years from working too much, but I have always been pleasant and happy) Now I go to work, come home, rarely clean, and sleep all weekend long. I haven't seen relatives in ages, I make excuses to get out of social events, and I won't even go shopping unless its dark out and no one is around. I feel useless and worthless at my job that I studied went to college for 7 years for. I am angry that I am single and I don't have children. Thankfully, I don't really show my anger and I don't lash out at anyone else, but I suffer alone. What is wrong with me?? Will this stop? When? How? I should be so excited about this change in my life, but instead I am having all these emotions. Its like I am re-evaluating past experiences with family (divorce), friends, x-boyfriends (nothing major, just usual stuff)---and I am so angry about some things that never really bothered my before. I am even mad/ashamed that I have to have weight loss surgery---I had a big emotional breakdown (by myself) after my 1st bariatric support group meeting (I know this is NOT rational, the people in support group and the nurses are the nicest people in the world, and I don't think bad of them at all.) Overall, I could win the lottery and it wouldn't make me happy!!! I feel like even if I was at my goal weight (140) that I would still not be happy because of all of these emotional issues that are surfacing. I made any appointment to see a counselor because I feel like I am going crazy and I can't help myself, and I will see her on Aug. 18, 2005. How do I help the doctor to help me, and understand the WLS emotional issues?? I realize I need help, and I want to get better and be happy! — Betsy (posted on August 16, 2005)
August 15, 2005
First off..congratulations on seeking help now!! The feelings and thoughts
that you expressed are the exact feelings and thoughts I had prior to
surgery too. I even had them after surgery because I wanted the weight off
immediately. It was a difficult time and I felt like an emotional
basket-case. Although it got better as I lost weight, I soon realized that
the weight itself was not the root of my emotional problems but rather a
symptom. I waited until I was 18 mos post-op to seek help. Morbid obesity
comes from binge eating which is an eating disorder so I sought help from
somebody who specialized in eating disorders. It has helped me
tremendously! And don't worry, I don't think you will have to convince
your therapist of anything. If you are anything like me, then you will
grately benefit by just being able to openly 'share' what's going on inside
your head. I wish I had followed my surgeon's advice and gotten therapy
prior to surgery. Personally I think you are doing the best thing possible
to ensure a successful journey. Best wishes!!
— Michelle_S
August 16, 2005
Hi Betsy, I'm not post op...but will be having the surgery this fall. I'm
kind of going through the same things. I too have been dealing with the
"loss" of the foods I really like. I'm gald that your reaching
out, that's your first step to admitting you need help with the issues. I
would maybe get into a "support group" for gastric bypass
patients in your area and go from there. If you have already done so, then
maybe talking to a psychologist that specalizes in this would help you.
Good luck to you!
— Lori
August 16, 2005
I did the same thing. The week before my surgery I was a nervous wreck and
overwhelmed. It's like I over-analyzed everything I've ever done, right or
wrong. I almost talked myself out of having the surgery. Thank heavens I
didn't. Amazingly, and I have no idea why, the night before my surgery I
just calmed down. I had a lot of great friends to talk to and a brother who
had bariatric surgery before me. So I had lots of guidance. But sometimes I
think I should have seena professional. In fact, I still may talk to a
thereapist. There are still times, in spite of my 150 pound weight loss,
when I am upset with myself for being so obese. I do have issues with
redundant skin now, and I think I have no one to blame for it but myself.
While that may be true, I need to realize that everything I have done has
made me the person I am today and I should just let go of the past and give
up on the idea that I need to be perfect and simply concentrate on being in
the best shape that I can. So I think it is a good idea to see a counselor
before surgery. It is also a good idea to build a rapport with someone
because you may wish to talk to them after surgery as well. Best wishes for
health and happiness always.
— Donna F.
August 16, 2005
I think your are suffering from depression. You need to see your family
doctor, he can help you by prescribing antidepressants or recommending a
psychologist. I have been on zoloft for about 8 years and it is truly a
life saver. My surgery was Feb 3, 2003, I am so glad I was able to have
it, I have lost 156 pounds! I still have to take the zoloft but it doesn't
make me feel drugged, it just makes me "normal". I hated myself
so bad I wouldn't look at my daughter's wedding album until she covered
every picture I was in. I didn't like to go out in public either, I was
afraid I would meet someone who knew the smaller me. Now I go everywhere
and actual let my picture be taken with my new granddaughter and have it on
my wall at work. You will never regret the sugery, but it does take time
for the weight to come off, you didn't gain it all in a month or two so you
won't lose it overnight. Take care and keep looking forward, your life
will get better! Elanda
— Elanda
August 16, 2005
Hi Betsy,
I could have WRITTEN your post last year! I had RNY WLS in October
'04 and it HAS changed my life, but it didn't solve all of my problems.
You MUST find a counselor NOW! Someone who can help you sort out all of
these feelings and determine whether or not you need medical (RX)
intervention. I was being treated for depression, but it wasn't
enough....and then they figured out that I have Bipolar disorder. (manic
depression) Different meds helped, but the counseling is OH SO important!
Hang in there, friend. You are normal....for you. Just need a little
"tweaking" to keep you from feeling like you're losing your mind.
After surgery and a significant weight loss I swung TOTALLY the other way,
and then a few months ago hit the big valley of depression again. Like I
said, losing the weight helps, but it doesn't change the way your brain
works....so please please please talk to your counselor! And feel free to
e-mail if you just need a friend!
Big Hugs,
~christi
— christi_in_VA
August 17, 2005
Dear Friend, I am 1 week away from my surgery and know how you feel. It has
taken me over 2 years to get to this point. Not because I was afraid but
because I, like you , had so much baggage to carry. I have spent 5 of the
last 7 years with a therapist. I continue to take meds for my depression.
Without them I am a very angry person. Even though I have a wonderful
husband, the rest of my family(siblings)are not all that hot. I had gotten
to the point that I would not even look in the mirror because I hated
myself, but with hard work and finding the right person to talk to I am
getting over that.
The surgery is not the answer to all your problems. It is a tool to help
you. Help yourself by getting away from those that will want you to fail. I
have had to make a break from most of my family because they needed me to
need them. You must love yourself first. A hard lesson to learn when you
have hated your self for so long. You are a person looking for a better
life or you wouldn't be doing the suregery. My weight cost me 13
babies...but I have learned to forgive myself. I don't know your age or
anything but life is not over for you but just beginning. You are
surrounded by so many others like yourself. Keep reaching out to others
like us. Even if it is places like this first...later it you will be able
to reach out face to face. You are loved so please love yourself.
— tammymoll
August 17, 2005
I agree with a previous post, sounds like depression. See a Psychiatrist
for treatment. I took Zoloft for 10 years, just seemed to build a
tolerance for it but it helped me greatly. Now on Wellbutrin XL, works
too! It will take a few weeks to feel better, then you will continue with
the WLS...Best wishes
MaryLyn
— Kriola
August 17, 2005
I can oan only speak for my own personal ecperience. I wish I had gotten
therapy much sooner. I just started recently. I had my RNY almost 3 years
ago. the only thing the RNY does is help take off weight and improve your
weight related health problems. any other problems you have in your life
will still be there when you are thin. if your job, relationships etc
suck now, they will after surgery too. One benefit is that if you are
eating right and exercising while you lose you will feel better and have
more energy to deal with the "stuff" in your life. It may sound
crazy, but a lot of our happiness is with in ourselves, no person, job,
surgery etc, can make us happy except for our selves. I encourage you to
see a psychiatrist to see if you need medication. They are the experts in
medication mangement. Many PCP's will prescribe antidepressants and that is
how I got started on them, but the psychiatrist fine tuned the dosages when
I started seeing her and also was more helpful on things to watch for and
did a full history of my family history related to mental health etc. MY
pcp never asked about family history of depression, bipolar disorder etc in
my family. then the psychiatrist can help you connect to a therapist who
will meet your individual needs. I wish you the best of luck in getting
healthyin EVERY way. bless you and keep in touch! we care very much.
— **willow**
August 17, 2005
You are suffering from major depression. I went through the same symptoms 5
yrs ago. I have been hospitalized 5 times. My pschy drs. have got me
medicated and I have'nt had any symptoms in almost a year. I carried
serious anger around inside for 10 yrs. In my opinion you need to be seen
. I hope you keep your appointment. Life will get better. I'm finally
having my bypass surgery on this comming Monday. Tell your drs the truth
about how you feel it's the only way they can help. I'll be thinking about
you. Jan Camara
— jani204
August 17, 2005
Just a note to you to let you know you are not alone. I went through the
same type of issues, I am just beginning to go out into the world. Please
seek help, if you don't connect with you therapist, seek help from someone
else. Weight loss should help you physically, but the emotions still will
need to be dealt with. I to am a pre-op waiting for the approval to come
through. Good luck and hold on there are many people thinking of you and
wishing good things for you. If if you need help or just need to unload I
will be here. Good luck and hold on things will get better.
— w1drlst
August 18, 2005
Betsy, I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough patch. I basically
agree with what previous posters have said and just wanted to add one
thought. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, my excess weight has been
a way to insulate myself from the potential hurts of the world. If I stay
inside my "armor" I don't have to risk being hurt by a man, or
rejected for a role (I'm an actor), or be taken seriously at anything else
I try. It would seem entirely reasonable to me that your subconscious is a
bit reluctant to give up this "protection" and it's making its
feelings known, loud and clear, the closer you get to making the change.
I've worked really hard over the last few years to find new, emotionally
healthy, non-counterproductive ways to be safe in my own skin, without
needing the physical bulk to keep the world at bay. Still, I know that
there will be challenges as I shed the weight, and any unresolved issues
will be waitingin the wings, until I deal with them - thin, fat, bald or
purple. I just want to encourage you to hang in there. You're on the right
path to finding both physical and emotional health. In addition to getting
into traditional therapy and checking for any chemical imbalances, I really
encourage you to get involved with a WLS support group (hopefully, your
surgeon can recommend one in your area). It will be really helpful, I
think, to be able to check in with people who truly understand this
journey. I wish you luck and happiness!
— tarainla
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