Question:
Any WLS Couples Out There?

I believe there are some married WLS couples on this board and I could use some advice. I am 2-1/2 yrs PO and had lost 252 lbs but unfortunately have regained 15-20 lbs. I am managing to stay stable now, so maybe this is the weight I was meant to be. My husband is in the process of getting pre-authorization for an RNY, which is what I have also. There is no question it is covered and he qualifies, the only thing that could delay it is if they force another diet attempt. He has been working with a dietician since last Sept, but had not seen her for about 5 months, until 3 weeks ago. She seemed to feel comfortable that he met the criteria for a diet attempt, should they require it. Time will tell. We want to get the surgery in this year, as we never know what next year brings as far as insurance coverage. Right now everything would be 100% covered. <p>My concern relates to us being in such different places in our journey for at least 12 months. He only has about 100 lbs to lose. If it wasn't for the uncontrolled diabetes and severe sleep apnea, he would never even consider surgery due to what he weighs. But the co-morbs are literally going to kill him much sooner than later. <p>When I went through surgery I was single and therefore could make the choices I needed etc. I prepared my own meals etc. My concern is that I usually make the meals and pack his lunches. I am in a totally different place being so far out, in what I eat. I'm afraid I will accidently sabotage him without even trying just by serving him the same foods I eat. I still am quite protein focused, but candy is my downfall. I'm thinking it is important for him to make his meals and make the choices so he learns about his new pouch. What did some of the rest of you WLS couples do, especially if you had your surgeries years apart? We met when I was 9 mos PO, so he has a good idea of what eating is like before maintenance. We've talked quite a bit about food portions etc, because that was my main concern for him. He is a volume eater and I wasn't sure how he would adjust mentally. He seems to have realistic expectations. <p>I also realize that it is likely he will end up smaller than I am weightwise. I hang about 210-215 right now. My goal weight was 200 lbs. I never set an insurance chart weight as a goal weight because for me it was not something I could even imagine myself at, due to the way I am built. I wear a 14 and sometimes a 12 at the weight I am at. I wish the 12's fit looser, but that's another issue that losing 10 lbs would cure. LOL <p>I am not a typical RNY in what I can eat. Gone are the tiny 2-4 oz meals. Some meals I can eat upwards of 1-1/2 to 2 cups of food, just depends on what it is and how heavy it is. Other times I cannot even finish a 1/4 lb cheeseburger with bun. Usually end up eating 1/2 the bun. Most days I eat around 2000 calories, of which about 1/3 is crap food. Grazing is definitiely an issue for me. I worry that if I am able to eat much more than him and continue to maintain this weight, that it will cause issues. That he will feel it isn't fair. I also am hopeful that maybe it will help me to focus a little better and get back on track and take off 10 lbs, but that would just be a side benefit. I'm probably making more out of this than there is. I just do not want to in any way sabotage him, yet I am not willing to totally change how I eat. <p>I'm not even totally sure what I am asking. I guess I am just looking for other WLS couples experiences. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks, Chris    — zoedogcbr (posted on July 8, 2005)

July 8, 2005
Chris, First, I am not part of a WLS Couple, however, losing 250 plus lbs is awesome. You can retrain your pouch to eat smaller meals. You have to want to Drink water in between & you have to exercise to keep this weight off. I am year & 1/2 out & have lost 140 lbs still have about 50 to go. I also seem to fight getting below that 200 lbs mark. But I am determined to win this battle. You have to change your thinking now & get back top healty eating. I think with your husband having the surgury that should help you in getting back on track as you won't want to sabotage him. If you have to eat 4 small meal to get you trhough. Get the junk out of the house & start thinking healthy snacks Sting Cheese, Nuts, STay away from the Sugar, that will kill what you have done quicker than anything out there. I no you can do this. You have don wnderful so far & With having someone else in the house dealing with the changes now, You wil want to succeed at this. Hang in There & just take a day at a time or even a hour at atime. You can get back on track if you really want too!! Look at this as a Good thing & not that you are going to hurt his prgoress. Get to a support group in your area that really helps with the issues you are dealing with. Marilyn, the Bearlady
   — Marilyn C.

July 8, 2005
Chris, Yes, my husband and I have both had BPD/DS with the same surgeon (Dr. Aniceto Baltasar - we went to Spain for our surgeries). I had my surgery 3 years ago, my husband had his surgery 1 year ago. I had 235 lbs to loose (I've lost 210 - need PS for the rest), he had 140 or so to loose (He's lost about 95 so far). I can totally relate to the questions you're asking yourself, and the concerns that you have. I think I've asked them all, too. The fortunate things for me are: 1. my husband has always claimed ownership for his own surgery,and 2. our surgery (the DS) really is an amazing surgery that while - yes - it requires huge responsibility (as does any form of WLS!), it also grants a huge amount of liberty. John has done an awesome job of making responsible choices for himself - from planning and preparing his own lunches and snacks each day, to taking the lead for preparing meals for our family, as well. I couldn't be more proud of him! And I can relate to your feelings that you may not even pursue WLS with him if it weren't for his co-morbidities. That also was a huge deciding factor for us with my husband's choice to pursue surgery, as well. His diabetes was spiralling out of control, his hypertension was becoming more severe with each passing day, his triglycerides were nearing the 600s, his cholesterol level was at a dangerous level, to name a few! Of course, the DS is known for its ability to kick diabetes and hypercholesteremia in the butt - just the intestinal portion of the surgery is being done on non-MO individuals to cure diabetes and hypercholesteremia. Today, John is free of diabetes and hypertension, his triglyceride level is perfect, his cholesterol level is perfect - his stress level seemingly just went away once the diabetes was gone - it was so awesome! John has always been a volume eater, as well. However, he doesn't feel deprived or like he's ever having to choose not to have something he wants to eat because of the liberty that the DS offers. The DS has been the best choice possible for him! (And me! I love it!) I gotta tell you - having John have the DS was a huge answer to prayer! If I can answer any more questions, please feel free to email, okay? Blessings, dina
   — Dina McBride

July 8, 2005
I'm in a very similar position, my boyfriend, who is about to move in, just has rny. I had mine in 2003, lost 100 lbs. (needed to lost 130) and stopped. I've gained back about 15 and have developed some bad habits (grazing, drinking while eating, too many carbs). I am hoping that I will regain some control from seeing what he is going through, what he can eat and cannot. He is more painstaking in following the rules than I ever was. Also, I don't want to set a bad example for him. He has more to lose than I did/do. I think having him around full time (he moves in Sept 1) will help me a lot. People always say go back to basics to regain control. I can do that more easily watching him.
   — Daisy C.

July 8, 2005
My husband and I are both Band patients. I was out 18 months when he had his placed, so I feel where you are. As I have not yet reached goal, we are both in the losing stage, so I don't have that particular issue. I can relate in some areas, though .. namely trying to balance what we could both eat, esp. when he was immediately post-op. It was HARD. My DH is a volume eater too, and I am a recovering volume eater. My most difficult issue was not controlling him .. trying not to come at him with a know-it-all, "been there done that" attitude. He doesn't respond well to that. For instance, I have suspected he needs a fill for weeks if not months, but he had to come to that realization on his own. And he finally did. :) I had to learn not to impose MY expectations, methods, and goals on him. He has his own, and that's the way it should be. Try not to worry about it. In my experience, it will work itself out. He's grown; he made this decision for himself (nothing you posted says otherwise, anyway) and he is presumably knowledgeable enough to make his own choices. Maybe if it becomes an issue, he can make his own meals and pack his own lunches. That may be a good idea anyway, as you will have no way of knowing what his limits are and could unconciously overpack food, which would be a volume eater's worst temptation. And if y'all (RNYers) are like us (Bandsters) the right food today could be the wrong food tomorrow! :D Talk it over with him, if you haven't already, and let him know what your fears are and familiarize yourself with his. Like anything else in marriage, talking it out is the best solution. Good luck to you both.
   — Jeanie

July 9, 2005
My husband and I are a year apart. I lost 150, he lost 110. I think I "lead" in our issues, but he is helpful. we seem to have covered each other's weak spots well, over time.
   — vitalady

July 17, 2005
Hi Chris, I had WLS 12/2003 and have lost 165lbs and seem to stay here at 199-202lbs. I wanted to get to 165 but I don't think I'll ever get there. I can eat a lot more like you can. My husband had surgery Jan 2005. His was for weight loss yes, but also for a humongous paraesophageal hernia. It was the third one and this was the solution the surgeon suggested, he actually had a gastrectomy where his old stomach is completely gone, not still inside him. Anyway, he is responsible for his own eating. I worry about him reaching his weight loss goal because he is a compulsive eater of snacks (chips, popcorn, etc) His portions are already like what I eat even though he's only 6 months out. He never had a problom eating (I was a little jealous of that -LOL) He has lost 70lbs and has been on at least a 2 month plateau. His panni is humongous and needs removal in a very real way, but I am afraid he won't lose anymore weight. He is still 278lbs, but he has lost 10 inches from his waist already and even though he hasn't lost more lbs his pants we bought are getting loose on him now. I guess what I am trying to say is that your worrying about your DH is normal and good, it shows you care. Just support him in any way he needs, but in the end it is up to him how well he does with surgery. He has to choose how to eat, etc. Good luck to you both!! Cathy
   — catleth