Question:
How do I break the news of this surgery to my elderly parents?

Today I went in for pre-op, and Monday I will have this surgery, I have still not found the courage to tell my parents that I am about to undergo this Revision Surgery. I want to tell them, I just am so worried that I will make them worry needlessly, and I don't want to disappoint them, I have been a parent pleaser all my life, and for some reason I feel that this will let them down in someway. I am not scared about the surgery, just worried about letting them down. I am doing this surgery for myself, But can't shake the fear of failure again, I want so desperately to suceed in this attempt to control my life and my weight. My main question is "Why can't I find the simple courage to tell my parents that I am getting ready to do this again?" It's only 5 days and a wake up, I will have them at my home on Saturday for a birthday party for my grandchrildren, (yes i'm no spring chicken, I'm 50 yrs old, I'm just chicken) Should I tell them then? Should I continue to keep quite? Thanksgiving will be the following week, how will I keep it from them at that time? Please what do you think? Help. Sue    — LS F. (posted on November 11, 2003)

November 11, 2003
I would just tell them. Sure they will be worried, but parents at any age will be worried. There is not a day that goes by, even now that im 4 months out, that my parents do not call at least twice. Just tell them your doing it to feel better and look better and hopefully they will support you. I would not let thier feelings stop you from reaching for your dream. Good luck carolyn wells
   — carolyn W.

November 11, 2003
I was in the same situation --mom was 84 years old, my father had past away 2 1/2 years earlier. She lived near me and we had become extremely close after my dad died. I was scared to tell anyone for fear that I would upset them and I didnt want anyone to talk me out of it. It took me forever to decide. I had mentioned it from time to time over a four year period ---but everyone was sure I wouldnt go through with it, even me. The news came out last year about Al Roeker on NBC and that seemed to give me enough courage. My sister and nieces where very much against the surgery---this didnt help at all. They always seemed to let me know how many people it didnt work for and those patients gained all their weight back. I discussed my decision with a psychologist and my problems with my family. When I told my mom, she was very understanding, I explained my decision and she became one of my main support people. She told me several times she was very proud of my weight loss and my decision. She past away suddenly seven weeks after my surgery, my beloved cousin (a wonderful support person) died two days prior - morbid obesity, cancer, and a massive heart attack---she discovered she had cancer during the pretesting for weight loss surgery. It was a terrible time in my life but I never regreted having the surgery. Mom told me she had always worried about my weight and the effects it had on my body. From the time I was a toddler she fought the obesity battle with me --she made all clothes (I was a 16 1/2 chubby in kindergarten). She tried to help me in everyway -- Dad and I loved to eat when she was at work! I would highly recommed you go for counseling. It's the best thing I ever did for myself. My nieces and sister ---still a lost cause, I am down 120 lbs and they do not comment on the weight loss or the surgery. Family dinners and birthday parties have come to an end. It's hard especially with the holidays coming,I miss my parentsand this will the first year without Mom - we have no children and my husband's family is very distant ---so the family stuff is gone. I am doing very well- I have a very supportive husband, co workers and friends, have a great job - went back to college and looking to the future. I will be 50 in May 2004.
   — debmi

November 11, 2003
My mom is a widow, and a class 1A worrier. I told her I was having my gallbladder removed. Then, when I was in the hospital and doing very well after surgery, I told her what I had done. She didn't worry because she has known several people who have had their gallbladder removed. I didn't like lying to her, but there really was no sense in causing her to worry. I also did not want to hear her tell me that all I needed to do was "cut back a little". She weighs about 88 lbs., and has trouble gianing any weight. I'm 47, by the way!
   — koogy

November 11, 2003
If you are very close to your parents I would tell them. The damage done by leaving them out of something so monumental in your life might be much worse than the worry that they would go through. Good luck with your surgery. Sandra
   — Arizona_Sun

November 12, 2003
Thanks to all who answered both here and on my email address. I plan on seeing my parents this weekend, and if I can find the courage I'm going to tell them, I know it is probably the right thing to do, and I dont like hiding behind their backs, I hate lying to them. I want to be able to share this with them, and to worry about what others think just really shouldnt matter to me but it does, Hopefully I can get my mom to understand the way I feel about having everyone and their dog in on my news. Thanks again. Sue
   — LS F.