Question:
Need support.....old habits creeping back

Hello everyone. I am 4 months out and about 63lbs down. I need help geeting back on track. There is mega stress at my house with teenage kid problems; it is straining our marriage too. I eat in response to stress. It is my old reliable comfort. I want to get back on track. Please don't suggest therapy cos it just won't fit into my schedule right now. I need motivation and support. You guys are my therapist for now. I am overeating and then throwing up at least every other day. I am eating (and craving) junk food. The only thing half-good is my exercise. I make it to the gym about once a week and do the treadmill at home and walks at lunch time about 4 days a week. I know it could be much better, but right now it is pretty good for me. My doctor expects me to lose about 100lbs by 6 months and I know I won't make that, so I wake up panicing every morning and afraid as the six month mark creeps closer I am one day closer to being a failure. Any advice? I go to my support group but it is only once a month and a long drive from home.....I don't know anyone more locally for in-person encouragement. Thanks for listening.    — Katie E. (posted on March 19, 2003)

March 19, 2003
Katie- I'm sorry you are having such difficulty. I think the answer is to make sure you are putting yourself and your health first. I think you are doing great at having lost 63 pounds at 4 months and if you don't make it to 100 by 6 months by doing your best, it's not your fault and you are not a failure. Is there an OA meeting in your area? Can you talk to a sibling, friend, parent? I wish you the best.
   — Yolanda J.

March 19, 2003
At this point I'd say professional help is more important than the 1ce a week trip to the gym. Swap that trip to the gym for a weekly therapist appt and voila, you've made the time. You really need to talk this out with a professional and the fact that you won't make time for it is telling. Put yourself first, make time for the therapist by swapping out the gym trip -- you can still keep your home workouts. Screw your doctors expectations and work on that head to get it in shape with the rest of your body. Don't blame yourself for what's going on, this is normal -- something a lot of us don't anticipate and when it happens, we better damn well have a method of coping and recognize that it's not our fault and quit using that blame mechanism to fall into this downward spiral. Call a therapist, tell them you can't wait for an appt, you need an emergency one, tell everyone else that wants you to do for them that they have to wait, and take care of YOURSELF. If you don't, no one else will. Taking care of yourself will make you better able to take care of all the other demands you seem to have. Do it now. No excuses.
   — Kimberly L.

March 19, 2003
I was facing extreme stress at just about the same time postop as you. I found that I had to find another way to deal with the stress. My solution was doing a lot of house work and ordering 9 cubic yards of mulch to mulch the flower beds and a play area for my daughter. It really helped to be active--a lot more than eating. Eating to escape stress is a double-edged sword. Not only do you not solve your problems, you gain weight and then you feel guilty about it on top of your other stress. If certain foods are a problem for you, get rid of them. Go cold turkey. Make sure you are eating high protein/low carb. Carbs make you hungry for other carbs. When you want to eat and are NOT hungry, get up and do something else. Make deals with yourself, like I'll have something to eat in 30 minutes. Try eating something that will stay in your pouch and make you feel full for a long time (nuts, peanut butter, chopped chicken breast, etc.). I hope this helps. I know what you are going through. I found that not being able to avoid dealing with stress through food, I actually have to DEAL with my problems. Make a plan, work through the eventualities, make a contingency plan, or sometimes just give it up to God or fate or whatever. It's much harder short term, but you don't have to keep avoiding the same stress over and over--it's dealt with. Good luck to you!
   — ctyst

March 19, 2003
Im 5 months post-op and when I was 4 months my old habits started creeping back into my life. It seems to be pretty common, but like you all hell has broken loose at our house. I started writing down everything I put into my mouth....boy was that an eye opener. I use fitday.com now to help me see where I go wrong. I am seeing a therapist 1x a week and going to the postie group on Saturdays. Scheduling this around everything else is a major pain and sometimes seems impossible. BUT I realize that my window of opportunity is rapidly closing and that I will never get to goal if I dont do something about it RIGHT NOW. I know that its hard to squeeze it in...but it is the only way you can fight the food issue and win. Im going through a major custody fight, family services is involed against my ex, my atty kept asking for more money (that we dont have), 3 days ago he quit, my ex keeps harassing me every chance he gets, my 20 yr old step son just left for Iraq, my almost 16 yr old step son I think may be possessed. I have a daughter going through the terrible twos (no need to say more on that one!! She is definately possessed!!! LOL). My life sucks at the moment>>>Its NOT going to beat me and IT IS NOT GOING TO KEEP ME FROM MY GOAL!!!!!!!! Find your priorities and let the rest sit for the moment... My therapist gave me an excellent piece of advice: fix your problem so you are able to work on fixing the rest.
   — cherokey55

March 19, 2003
I'm 4 months out and only lost 57lbs. Don't get discouraged. We have a 12-18 month window to lose this weight and although it may be harder the longer you're out, it can still be done. My old habits come back periodically, but I don't beat myself up over it. We're human and will make mistakes. It's hard to erase a lifetime of habits. A few things I would suggest, though is to stick with the exercise, try to fill up on water and DON'T buy any fattening snacks for the house (teenagers at home or not!) You can't snack on something that's not there, right? Just hang in there, and look forward to the next 12 months!
   — jengrz

March 19, 2003
Wow! you have already gotten some incredible advice and I'd agree with all of it. You state you want motivation and support. Guess what? The folks on this board really CAN'T motiviate you. You have to do that yourself. You have to determine what is most important to you, and do it. That's it. When I committed to this surgery, I spent a long time deciding if I was going to do whatever it took to make it successful for me. My husband is critically and chronically ill, disabled and is a frequent visitor to the ER and hospitals. He's scheduled for an eye surgery next month. Will require me to take him for follow up appointments 3x a week for three months. I'll be driving sixty miles each of those mornings before I even head off to work! I have already made adjustments at work and at home so that I'm not putting myself in martyr role and stressing out and not concentrating on my own goals. I set boundaries of my time and I'm not going to let my exercise, my own doc visits or anything else interfere. I had major surgery which to me requires this entire year to follow up. It is just as important to me as cleaning my surgical wounds were when they were healing. I just didn't go through all of the waiting, the surgery and the initial recovery to blow it. You have to decide if you feel that strongly and you will find the inner strength to not bring junk into your house to eat, find the time to exercise in a manner to reduce stress and get to the docs(all of them) that you need to be healthy. Good luck, hope you understand where my rather tough words are coming from.
   — Susan F.

March 19, 2003
Go to the cabnet now and throw out ALL the crap...Everyone in the family can benefit from this and if they want it they can go get it and eat it outside of the house!!!! Keep good for YOU snacks in the house ready to eat. I always have hard boiled and deviled eggs made up and handy along with several cheeses and fruit. Quick and easy. Keep exercising!!!!! When you feel that ugly urge to eat when you know you shouldn't go for a walk first, clean a closet, crank up the stereo and DANCE baby. ANYTHING. When you exercise your body kicks in with endorphines that help with stress and depression 2 ugly causes for me to overeat, how bout you?!?!? And if all this doesn't help call a friend and just VENT. You can hollar at me too anytime I'd love to help if I can. YOU have worked way to hard to get this done to let other things bring you down including your surgeons expectations. You did this for YOU not HIM!!!!! Pick yourself up, dust off your tushie and try to keep it positive...attitude is 9/10ths of the battle. BIG HUGS
   — Deanna_K

March 19, 2003
Katie, panicking about the 6 month mark will just stress you out more and of course cause you to run to the comfort foods. So what if you don't lose 100 at 6 months??? Most of us don't reach that mark that quickly, so just relax. What is the doctor going to do if you don't reach 100, put you back on the table and reverse the surgery?? This is not a big deal-honestly. I also agree with the poster who said swap the gym for a therapist. You NEED someone to talk to on a regular basis, so do this for you. As for junk food-there is no reason not to have some, but practicing control is crucial. I try to build the calories for junk food into my day. So, during the day I eat really well, lots of protein and water , then I save a few hundred calories at night to have my popcorn, or mini cookies or little chocolates, whatever I want. Foods that I cannot control myself around, like Devil Dogs or cheesecake, do NOT make it into the house. As long as I keep up the exercise, and weigh every day (to ensure that the snacks are not catching up with me), then I am OK, I can enjoy the treats with no guilt which cuts down on the stress, which cuts down on the guilt etc, etc....
   — Cindy R.