Question:
How do I deal with the W.......A.......I........T.......I.......N.......G?!
I began this journey in April, PCP in Aug, surgeon in Sept. Now, because my psych eval indicates that I have a history of using food as a coping mechanism, my surgeon will not perform my surgery until I begin psychiatric treatment (which started today) and he feels that I'm fully committed and not taking this lightly. Other patients who are having surgery with the same surgeon are getting dates now---for December (today is 10/29). That means that, if I gauge my progress sequentially with theirs, I won't be having my surgery until at least February if, hopefully, my therapist and surgeon think that I'm ready. I know I'm not alone in enduring this agonizing waiting period, and that some of you have waited even longer (many more months or, in some cases, years). HOW DID YOU COPE?!?!?! I'm having difficulty sleeping, have road rage, impatient with EVERYBODY. My parents think I've turned into a wild woman. I quit smoking 2.5 months ago in preparation for the surgery (I was on Zyban, but I stopped 2 weeks ago because it was keeping me awake). I've never abused drugs or alcohol and I sure won't start now. I have no significant other and no children or siblings. I've abandoned all of my friends because I'm just too embarrassed to be in their company any more. I'm letting work projects go or feigning illness, and therefore forfeiting income, because I'm too ashamed to meet new people (I work on a contractual basis). I CANNOT STAND BEING "THE BEAST FROM ANOTHER GALAXY" ANY LONGER!! I want my life back! My back feels as if it's gonna snap like a twig if I'm on my feet longer than 10 minutes, and my hips feel like they're gonna pop out of their joints, not to mention the OUCH! heel pain I have on the days after I do manage to do a little walking. My parents think I should "keep busy and not think about it" by redecorating my condo. A good idea, but I don't have the stamina to do it; I'm tired after 15 minutes of any physical activity. So taking off wallpaper or painting a ceiling is out of the question for now. I am literally stuffing my face and can actually hear the fat cells multiplying. I feel like Violet Beauregarde, the girl who turned into a giant blueberry in "Willie Wonka". I'm already 320 lbs, my all-time heaviest. If I ever do actually make it to the OR, I'll be 400 lbs. Every morning, in an attempt to diet, I have 2 soft-boiled eggs, water, vitamins, and coffee; yogurt during the day. By the time evening comes, I'm calling out for General Tso's chicken or tortellini primavera. I hate living with the fear that I'll soon have a heart attack or stroke, or throw a blood clot, or develop sleep apnea. Each time I look in the mirror or see my reflection in a window, I think to myself "Who is that creature? What did it do with Joyce; where is she?" I wake up in tears and fall asleep in tears. Those of you that have made it thru the waiting period and are now postop or are just days or weeks from surgery--God BLESS you!! HOW DID YOU GUYS DO IT?? HAVE ANY OF YOU TAKEN ANY MEDICATION IN THIS INTERIM?? WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND? Please pat yourselves on the back and give yourselves a big HUG!! You are certainly better than I. I don't know if I'll make it. It's odd; I never felt this "unglued" until this whole ordeal began. I used to be pretty level-headed and sensible ("I had a mind, but then I lost it!"). It's terrible to say, but I'm almost sorry that I ever heard of this surgery, wish I could just go back to my old, hopeless life of dieting and gaining and dieting and gaining, and that's as good as it gets becaue I have no alternative. But now that I've researched and examined the pros and cons, weighed the risks against the benefits, and made a conscious, educated, informed decision to have this life-altering surgery..... HELP!! — Joyce C. (posted on October 30, 2002)
October 29, 2002
Joyce,
The wait is all part of the game. My suggestion on you is to start working
on how you are going to live post operatively. Start exercising (walking is
cheap and one of the best exercises that you can do), keep taking your
vitamins. The exercise and the viatmins will help you greatly post
operatively. Start to think about the food you eat and FORCE yourself to
eat well. Just make good choices, or at least only eat one serving of what
ever you eat, even if it is not healthy. Do some nice things for yourself.
GEt a pedicure, get a facial. Get a massage. You need and deserve them. If
you can not afford them, buy yourself a good book (or borrow one from the
library) and find a nice quiet location you can go to read it a few times a
week. Good luck to you on your journey.
— Vicki L.
October 29, 2002
Joyce, I can tell that you are in a really ad spot right now and that is
really unfair and unfortunate. I cannot believe that the revelation that
you eat a for certains things should be that earthshattering that it stops
a surgery. In our cases the fact that we are attempting this method for
weight loss should be an indicator "Hey I have a problem with
food" anyway my suggestion is this you are seeing a psychologist
anyway why not tell him exactly what you told us. In this post here is the
best ever reason I have ever heard to read to be a prime candidate for this
surgery. do no tell this person what you think they want to hear tell them
all the stuff above. It truly does indicate to me that you are
ready.....you want nothing else.....you are ready to sacrifice whatever it
takes, even breaking up with food to have this done to regain what you have
lost.
Be bold and tell him what you have told us.......I wish you so much luck
You have an approval I am assuming except for the psych and surg who is
postponing due to something that to me would seem obvious and appearant
Please update us here or please email me so I can see how you are doing.
[email protected]
Peggy!!!!!!!
— Peggy A.
October 29, 2002
Hi Joyce, my heart goes out to you. I remembered reading one of your
earlier questions and your comments on the physc eval...and thinking how
stupid it all sounded. *Of course* many of us who are going through the wls
journey have used food as a crutch, but this tool helps us control that as
well! (negative reinforcement -belly ache, nausea,etc, does wonders for
discourging the old "I'm stressed out and deserve a candybar" way
of thinking.) At anyrate I didn't have the trials and tribulations that you
are going through (I'm having a few now,getting post op necessities paid
for by insurance, tests for anemia, etc, but that's a story for another
day), however I am the anxious type, so I asked my surgeon for advice. He
prescribed Xanex for me and it really helped with keeping me calm and more
focused on the tasks at hand. Maybe you can ask for a little something to
take off the edge at least? My prayers are with you. -Kim open RNY 7/17/01
-136
— KimBo36
October 29, 2002
Hi, Joyce. I agree w/Vicki's post. You should begin your life as though
you have had the surgery/ I know the waiting is the hardest part, but it
does seem that you have approval / I will be praying for you,because I
know that is what kept me going/ It is all in HIS timing/ I had my surgery
in 9/27/01/ It was really a stressful time to have surgery with the
holidays and everything/ Just tell yourself "as soon as all the
holiday rush is over, I will be ready to start my new life/ By the time
you feel like getting out the weather will have broken again, and you can
take walks outside, (you will feel like it then because you will be
lighter), take in fresh air and see nature/ Maybe this is a time of
resting and reflection for you/ I know you will make it/ We all have had
that anxious feeling before surgery, but hey , you are closer today than
you were yesterday/ YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!! HE has you in HIS hand and loves
you/ Please let us know about your progress/ by the way, I am at goal and
feeling great, and this time next year you will be encouraging someone
yourself/ e-mail me if you will and keep me posted on your progress/
Patti Meadows e-mail: [email protected]
— peppermintp
October 29, 2002
So getting a second opinion psych eval is out of the question?
— blank first name B.
October 30, 2002
I started the process in January, first saw the surgeon in June, and
finally got surgery 2 weeks after my insurance approval came through - at
the end of September. My insurance coverage was accidently cancelled while
my preauthorization was in committee. I gave up then. I couldn't take it
anymore and went to a local diet doctor who put me on diet drugs and a
liquid fast. Because I was on speed, I was able to not eat and lose some
weight and, after a couple of pounds came off, start walking. I spent a
lot of money which I couldn't afford to spend, but I did lose 25 lbs. and
got in better shape for the surgery. If I hadn't done this, I am pretty
sure my surgery would have had to be open instead of lap. I carry my
weight in my stomach and I was gaining like mad for months before I went on
the diet. I was afraid I'd hit 400 before surgery too! I guess the diet
thing made me feel like I was doing SOMETHING and had some control of
something in my life. That was a big problem before during the waiting -
feeling like I had no control at all over something that was so important
to me. Anyway, one morning the surgeon's office called me out of the blue
to say "you're approved" and I almost fell out in shock!
<br>
One thing about the psych though - do they really think that most obesse
people DON'T use food to cope and - even more amazing - that this can be
fixed with a couple of visits to a shrink? I will be the first to admit
that I have a problem with compulsive eating. But this surgery has made
damn sure I have to get compulsive about something else now! I can't eat
more than a TINY bit and I can't even throw up if I overeat, so eating too
much just means about 2-3 hours of absolute AGONY until the food goes down.
I've only done that once! It wasn't worth it! I've become compulsive
about cooking for other people and cleaning now! My house sparkles and
everyone I know gets fresh baked cookies! :) I was lucky that I had a
psych evaluation with someone who just asked general questions and didn't
get into food details. I think the compulsive issues will have to be
dealth with long-term, but the surgery itself will almost certainly stop
the compulsive EATING. If you aren't getting anywhere with these people,
you might want to get on the waiting list with a couple of other doctors
and see how that goes. I did that too at one point and even though they
weren't faster than my doctor (and my doctor did a GREAT job on me), it
made me feel better to know I was in the running at a couple of different
places. Hang in there! :)
— ediecat
October 30, 2002
Joyce,
I know what you're going through. I started this process in July and now
it's almost November.
My insurance company denied me so I am appealing as we speak. They have 30
days to reply so hopefully I'll hear something within the next week.
I have a friend who saw the Doctor in July, and has now had her surgery and
is doing great!
The waiting is horrible, but I'm trying not to think about it...
Good Luck!
— pamela1
October 30, 2002
Joyce, I first contacted the surgeon back in DECEMBER. I finally got to see
him September 27th. My appointment was moved up from November 8th! Now I
have been waiting for medicaid to approve the surgery. A friend of mine,
using the SAME doctors office and the SAME medicaid got her approval in
just 1& 1/2 weeks of the office submitting the paper work! My best
frined for >40 years had surgery in April after contacting her surgeon
1st time in Febuary. My other best friend will be having surgery November
11th. Like you, I can't even walk every day due to pain! It seems as if I
have 1 or maybe 2 good days and then pay for it by being in bed the next
day! I feel like a kid watching EVERYONE else playing outside! It is so
unfair! It not like I want to climb Mt. Everst, I just want to clean my
house! I can't even do dishes or cook a meal without rest periods! I have
very strong faith and know that it will all be in His time, but you are
right, the waiting is ssssooooo hard! I also am a RN, boy if I ever could
go back to work, that would be my dream but for now I would just like to
walk to the bathroom without hurting!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK, I know I am
the one that gained this weight but it doesn't help the waiting. So, I
didn't tell ou how to cope with the waiting, as a nurse you surley know One
Day at a Time. But at least know YOU are not ALONE!!! God Bless you, I will
remember you in my prayers! I pray that WE BOTH get to get on with our
lives soon! Email me if you would like to comiserate! Misery loves
company!!! Toni [email protected]
— garnet156
October 31, 2002
I waited 7 months for wls - and lost and gained and ended up with 15 pound
gain before. If I had to do it again - I would take any stress medication
my regular doc prescribed and get a NUTRI-COUNTER. I still have 25 lbs to
go and I am compulsive monitoring the values of the food I eat every day -
and average them out over how many days you want. I found I was eating
MORE calories - especially carbs than I programmed into the
"counter". This is not a computer program counter- it is a
portable device-about te size of a check book. I find carbs(sugar) make me
ravenous - so I save most of the grams of carbs for the evening - and then
chain myself to the bedpost. wls saved my life already. 25 pounds to go.
Do a search for Nutri-Counter. Top notch people to deal with there. This
unit handy for diabetics also. Not a toy.
— charlene M.
October 31, 2002
Joyce!
First of all, take a deep breath! This is what I learned with my 9 month
wait. I made my first phone call December 13, 2001. I know that when you
finally make up your mind to have this surgery, you want it done like
YESTERDAY! Unfortunately the medical world doesn't work that way. I
finally got a phone call back from my surgeon's office, which is the way
they run things. My first appointment was scheduled for April!!!!!!!!! I
made all the other appointments for the same day, the nutritionist, and the
psychologist, in hopes that I'd be booked for surgery sooner! NOT! They
said don't call us, we'll call you. SIX weeks and a few gray hairs later, I
finally got my call for the second appointment- JULY!!!!!!! I was driving
myself crazy. I can't, won't, shouldn't have to wait that long. I'm going
to die faster! Woah is me. Then I started thinking about the what if's.
What if I don't qualify? What if my insurance won't pay? What if I die? I
had to come to terms with so much. I had to be willing to accept whatever
God threw at me. I had to realize that things DO happen for a reason. I had
to accept that I was meant to wait for the right time for my surgery. It
wasn't easy to accept, being so far away, still harder to accept it being
on Friday the 13th! But I have accepted that there are things in life that
I have absolutly NO CONTROL over. I decided to release all the pent up
stress I had, and accept that I had no control over this process, and to
take it as it came. I decided to enjoy my summer with my fat geans and eat.
I didn't go overboard, because I didn't want to have that much more to lose
after surgery, and I qualified for laparoscopic, and didn't want to blow
that. Once I accepted that this was the course I was meant to be on, I just
sat back and "patiently" waited. It isn't easy waiting. But it
isn't going to change anything driving yourself insane.
I have, or had a variety of co-morbs, and would be willing to talk more
with you if you wish. I am 7 weeks post op, and despite having surgery on
Friday the 13th, in OR #13, I'm doing just fine. I'm around 40 pounds
lighter!
— wiggie34
October 31, 2002
Joyce, I had to comment on your post because I had the exact same feelings
of hopelessness tonight. I wished that I had never heard of WLS and had
never stumbled upon this site because it gave me hope that one day my life
was gonna get better. I feel like the doctor I've chosen and his medical
staff are playing with my life with total disregard to my situation. My
medical insurance is switching in March so I'm going to have to start the
whole approval process again at that time and they refuse to take that into
consideration. I'm nothing but a number. This process reminds me of a lot
of things when you're MO - you date,
— Rhonda J.
November 1, 2002
EAT AS MUCH STEAK AS POSSIBLE, AND BE HAPPY IN KNOWING YOU ARE ON THE ROAD
TO HEALTY AND HAPPINESS.
— Ray O.
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