How do I deal with the W.......A.......I........T.......I.......N.......G?!

I began this journey in April, PCP in Aug, surgeon in Sept. Now, because my psych eval indicates that I have a history of using food as a coping mechanism, my surgeon will not perform my surgery until I begin psychiatric treatment (which started today) and he feels that I'm fully committed and not taking this lightly. Other patients who are having surgery with the same surgeon are getting dates now---for December (today is 10/29). That means that, if I gauge my progress sequentially with theirs, I won't be having my surgery until at least February if, hopefully, my therapist and surgeon think that I'm ready. I know I'm not alone in enduring this agonizing waiting period, and that some of you have waited even longer (many more months or, in some cases, years). HOW DID YOU COPE?!?!?! I'm having difficulty sleeping, have road rage, impatient with EVERYBODY. My parents think I've turned into a wild woman. I quit smoking 2.5 months ago in preparation for the surgery (I was on Zyban, but I stopped 2 weeks ago because it was keeping me awake). I've never abused drugs or alcohol and I sure won't start now. I have no significant other and no children or siblings. I've abandoned all of my friends because I'm just too embarrassed to be in their company any more. I'm letting work projects go or feigning illness, and therefore forfeiting income, because I'm too ashamed to meet new people (I work on a contractual basis). I CANNOT STAND BEING "THE BEAST FROM ANOTHER GALAXY" ANY LONGER!! I want my life back! My back feels as if it's gonna snap like a twig if I'm on my feet longer than 10 minutes, and my hips feel like they're gonna pop out of their joints, not to mention the OUCH! heel pain I have on the days after I do manage to do a little walking. My parents think I should "keep busy and not think about it" by redecorating my condo. A good idea, but I don't have the stamina to do it; I'm tired after 15 minutes of any physical activity. So taking off wallpaper or painting a ceiling is out of the question for now. I am literally stuffing my face and can actually hear the fat cells multiplying. I feel like Violet Beauregarde, the girl who turned into a giant blueberry in "Willie Wonka". I'm already 320 lbs, my all-time heaviest. If I ever do actually make it to the OR, I'll be 400 lbs. Every morning, in an attempt to diet, I have 2 soft-boiled eggs, water, vitamins, and coffee; yogurt during the day. By the time evening comes, I'm calling out for General Tso's chicken or tortellini primavera. I hate living with the fear that I'll soon have a heart attack or stroke, or throw a blood clot, or develop sleep apnea. Each time I look in the mirror or see my reflection in a window, I think to myself "Who is that creature? What did it do with Joyce; where is she?" I wake up in tears and fall asleep in tears. Those of you that have made it thru the waiting period and are now postop or are just days or weeks from surgery--God BLESS you!! HOW DID YOU GUYS DO IT?? HAVE ANY OF YOU TAKEN ANY MEDICATION IN THIS INTERIM?? WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND? Please pat yourselves on the back and give yourselves a big HUG!! You are certainly better than I. I don't know if I'll make it. It's odd; I never felt this "unglued" until this whole ordeal began. I used to be pretty level-headed and sensible ("I had a mind, but then I lost it!"). It's terrible to say, but I'm almost sorry that I ever heard of this surgery, wish I could just go back to my old, hopeless life of dieting and gaining and dieting and gaining, and that's as good as it gets becaue I have no alternative. But now that I've researched and examined the pros and cons, weighed the risks against the benefits, and made a conscious, educated, informed decision to have this life-altering surgery..... HELP!!

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