Question:
Weight going, insecurity coming on strong...

I am 2 months post-op and down almost 60lbs and 3 pants sizes. The problem is that I am extremely paranoid about EVERYTHING I put into my mouth. I haven't done anything like eat sweets..things I SOOO loved pre-op, but I did have 2 glasses of wine for the first time last week and have since beat myself up senseless since. I can't stop thinking that I messed myself up that the weightloss is going to stop b/c of it. Has anyone felt this way about the same thing or about a food sidestep? There are days that I feel like I could eat a whole hamburger, but really never get in half (without any bread of course), but then I still feel like I am a pig. Still haven't eaten bread since the surgery and stay away from startches as much as possible, though my fiance made pasta last week, I had a quarter of a cup and I came unglued b/c of it. Haven't touched a coffee, soda, etc., and drink water like crazy...so tell me why is this psychological stuff is happening? Also, something else very important to note is my guilt over exercise. I joined a gym a few weeks ago and go a few times a week, and feel extremely guilty that this past week I was only able to get there once b/c it was a non stop running around, a busy week, I keep thinking that I am going to gain weight back..my fiance says I am nuts b/c I don't eat enough to possibly do so, in fact, he says he worries that I am not getting enough. I hated to exercise before the surgery, so I didn't, I viewed it as a chore and yucky, I still feel that way, but I know I have to do it..even if I get there 3 times a week it's better than being lethargic like I have been for years and years...but it's still a challenge, am I alone? How do I motivate myself to go and do my thing with gusto when I get there? ..last night after my daughters 10th birthday I ate some Wheat Thins and it has been beating me up in the brain since...my fiance' said, "Honey, you ran around serving people all day and all I saw you eat during that entire thing was a baby carrot. I think your being super hard on yourself." Come to think of it, those Wheat Thins were the only thing I actually ate all day during the rush of the party. Am I crazy? Why am I having these issues???? Please help.....    — Trish R. (posted on September 22, 2002)

September 22, 2002
Hi Trish, I hate to actually admit it but I feel the same way. Maybe not quite as extreme though. I don't go on about something I ate verbally but beat myself up inside when I think I have eaten something I shouldn't have or a little more than I think I should have had. I feel that the lack of self control I had before the surgery might take over again if I'm not careful. And since I seem to have the discipline right now when I didn't before I don't want to let it slip away. Sometimes I feel like that one thing I do wrong might make that happen. Like you, I have not had anything with sugar, I try to limit carbs, and I haven't even thought of or gone near anything carbonated. My sister says that I am taking the no sugar thing a little too seriously because the other day I actually made homemade ketchup and BBQ sauce because I was worried about the sugar content. I read labels faithfully. It even took a long time for me to even try sugarfree gum because I was worried about the alcohol sugars that are in it. I too feel guilty if I go a day without exercising. The weirdest thing I saw when I read this, was thinking that I will also be 2 months post-op tomorrow! I am getting better. I have kept in contact with a woman that I had a nutrition class with pre-op and she had a good point that might help you too. She said this surgery is not supposed to be a death sentence for not being satisfied. It is supposed to be a new leash on life. Don't deprive yourself of EVERYTHING because you are worried you will keep yourself from losing the weight! You have to have fun too and try new things. I don't think that your not having sugar or soda or any of that stuff is a bad thing. But I don't think you should never have to eat any carbs again for the rest of your life either. Remember to have fun and relax a little. :) Feel free to email me. We might just have even more in common.
   — Laurel C.

September 22, 2002
Trish- For many of us food has been our addiction. What may be happening is that you are struggling to let your addiction go. Have you noticed that smokers who stop smoking will talk and think about it all the time? Some of us can be like that too with food. People go on a diet and are obsessive about it. Obsession - A persistent preoccupation with an idea or emotion. If you continue to struggle with this, a good counselor might be able to help you through it. Best of my prayers. Cheryl LAP RNY 4mos -80lbs
   — Cheryl S.