Question:
Am I Crazy for Even Considering What I'm About to Discuss?

I am 2.5 years post-op. I have lost 172 lbs, but have been bouncing 5 lbs up and down this summer due to poor eating and exercise habits. I am still 25 lbs from my goal. I had abdominoplasty exactly one year ago tomorrow. It was appealed twice before I ever got it covered as medically necessary. I am still in need of additional reconstructive surgery, but it must come out of pocket, a decision made after retaining legal counsel to fight for medical necessity.<br><br>I just finished the last class of my doctoral program this month. I still have my dissertation to complete this fall, along with a couple of small projects, and have the opportunity to be on adjunct faculty, after interviewing at other institutions.<br><br>My boyfriend and I are discussing an engagement and marriage in the near future. This is SO EXCITING for me! He knew early in our relationship that my tubes were tied from complications (all related to being MO) from both pregnancies. I have two daughters, he has two daughters we see custodially.<br><br>My point is this...here lately, I have had baby blues something terrible! I don't know if it is in response to my baby entering kindergarten this fall, or wanting to fulfill a true desire to have another child. We have talked about it and he does want another child if it's possible. I have yet to discuss anything with my ob/gyn, but have a call in to him. My insurance carrier has told me a tubal reversal would not be covered. Neither would in vitro fertilization. So, we're talking about out of pocket cost here. An old college friend of mine just found out she's pregnant again and is due in December. Her children are 12 and 6, so it was quite a shock. I've felt envious of her. But, on the other hand, I'm selfish about it, too. I don't want to get MO again. I've seen myself bouncing up and down and it scares me that I will gain a bunch of weight, undoing my abdominoplasty, and cause the need for more reconstructive surgery later, <b>IF</b> I can lose the weight. I don't want to undo all the good I have done.<br><br>Is this just me wanting to conquer what I can't have? Is this just my response to my baby going to kindergarden? Is it me wanting to please my future husband? Is it truly a desire for another child? I am confused, and don't know what to think at this point. I am one of those people who want it all...I'd love to lose 25 more pounds, have all my reconstructive surgery, and a new baby to boot. Input greatly appreciated, especially from anyone who has undergone tubal reversal post-op and sucessfully gotten pregnant and delivered a healthy baby without significant weight gain. Thanks!    — [Deactivated Member] (posted on July 30, 2002)


July 30, 2002

   — Amber L.

July 30, 2002
Denise..I know how you feel. My boys are a decade apart and here I am pondering having another child. I am still pre-op so if we were to have another child it would need to wait two years after surgery-this would put my youngest son going into kindergarten around that time. You asked several questions- From what I have read here and elsewhere (as for those who had RNY), getting pregnant after WLS is different as far as that extra weight being added. You still have the same stomach/pouch so there shouldn't being much of a difference in intake... As for you reasoning for wanting another child- It could be all of the above. I want a daughter so bad, but I could continue plopping out boy after boy! Then I thought it would be nice to be pregnant at a normal weight- be able to wear those cute maternity clothes which I could not do because I was already large when I became pregnant. When I truly thought about how it would be, I knew it was ridicuolous to get pregnant because of clothing! And since my niece (who is like a daughter to me) is preggers (and having a GIRL!), I can live vicariously through her! But you know, when it all came down to it, I realized that I wanted time for me later on down the road. I want my husband and I to be able to enjoy ourselves (alone) some day and if we were to have another baby in two years, it would push the things we want to do as a couple further and further away (and I look forward to being able to do things that regular size people can do!).. But when all is said and done, I still want another child- girl or boy. But I just got my baby potty trained and I have to tell you, I think I can live without having to do that again!! We have talked alot over the years about adopting an older child (there are so many who need a family) and we may still do that. It's a hard decision to make, but be completely sure you are prepared before you take that plunge. Four children would be enough for me, but you and your fiance need to decide all the pros and cons to this one. Will you really have time for caring for baby with your job/career? If you cannot afford that additional reconstructive surgery, then I assume that you cannot afford another child right now. I don't know how old you are, but I would suggest you wait. No matter what you decide, I wish you the best of luck. Many people do not understand our desire for more children and may shake their heads, tell us we are crazy. Ultimately it is your life. Take care!
   — karmiausnic

July 30, 2002
I went thru this right after I was "spayed", too. I'd had a tubal at 25m, hystie at 31. When I got together with my new man, we considered building our own baby together, which was just nuts as we also had 2+2, like you. FORTUNATELY, the urge passed, as it would NOT have been the right thing to do. It was just the early-lust-love stage talking. WHEW.
   — vitalady

July 30, 2002
Amber summed up my feelings as well. We tend to like drama and crisis in our lives. Slow down, and enjoy the present. You have plenty of time to make these decisions when you see where your marriage takes you.
   — Marti R.

July 30, 2002
Denise, Wow, you've got a lot of things to consider. This is such a personal decision. I had my tubal when I was 23 years old. So I understand about the "baby urge". My husband and I have thought about having another baby several times over the past eight years. It seems like every time the urge hits we end up with another pet (at least we don't have to worry about college tution for pets). I find the urge eventually passes and I keep myself going with the fact that I'll only be in my late 30's early 40's by the time my son & daughter are out on their own. I wish you the best with whatever you decide. For what it's worth a friend of a friend had her tubal reversed at cost by a hospital in Arkansas that is funded by a religious group that believes that people should have as many kids as God allows. I'm only bringing this up because even though my friends friend didn't hold the same religious beliefs as this group, it did allow her to have her tubal reversed at a much reduced cost. She became preganant and delivered a healthy girl about a year and a half later. So if you decide to do it too maybe there are some less expensive options out there for a tubal reversal. Best wishes.
   — Kelly S.

July 30, 2002
From what I understand, if you want to have one or two kids, a tubal reversal is not necessary. They can do in vitro from your eggs harvested from above your tubes. This is far more economical, I believe (well, it was 4 years ago). Virtually no one can afford to have a baby if they really look at the financial aspects alone. You already know they are so much more than that. At least get to the next step where you have all of the information -- chances of becoming pregnant, costs and contingencies, etc. Usually by then, the answer is pretty obvious, one way or the other. Good luck!
   — Karen F.

July 30, 2002
Ever consider adoption? There are tons of babies, toddlers and children who are looking for homes. They also don't include a weight gain with adoption. . : )
   — Adriane T.

July 31, 2002
Wow...you must have been reading my MIND!!! Actually, I'm not a post-op yet, HOWEVER, I am newly remarried, 1/2 officially years now (although we've been together now for 3 years), and I'm thinking these same things. #1. I want to lose all this weight and NEVER have to worry about it creeping back again. #2. I don't want to have to do the TT more than once because I'm sure it's more difficult the 2nd time around. #3. I want to build a family with my new loving hubby. SO...my question is how long have you known this man? I personally would wait a couple of years until you've both gone through the first couple of years of marriage hell. Then, when you are sure that you can put up w/his crap and he can put up w/your crap, you will KNOW the right thing to do. IF you have this much concern for undertaking yet another major modification to your body (and that is totally understandable!!), WAIT. Don't rush into anything; a couple of years is not all that long when you get to thinking about it...remember how far away sending your kid to school seemed because he was still in diapers?? Not long at all when you're looking back at it...besides...this will give you a chance to have a solid foundation for your prospective DH. You have the RIGHT to want to keep your body the way it is...take that step forward in having a child with this man when you are mentally/psychologically ready to take that step forward (keeping in mind that normal pregnancy weight gain is around 20-30 lbs). Otherwise, I feel like you will be adding emotional baggage to EVERYONE--kiddo, hubby, yourself, and the rest of your kiddos--unnecessarily. HEAL yourself first, then make the babies! Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out for you! :)
   — Lynda L.

July 31, 2002
Hi, I'm still pre-op, single, never married, never pregnant so basically I have no first hand wisdom to offer. But I do have a suggestion. First of all let me say I agree with all the other posters - wait a while before you make any major decisions in this area. But when you think your ready to make the decision try out my suggestion first. Here it is - Try to "borrow" someone's newborn baby for a week or so to refresh your memory about what it's really like to have a baby in the house and all the responsibilities that go with it and how much of a drastic change it will bring to your current lifestyle. Then if after that "trial run" you still have the baby blues chances are pretty good that you really want a baby. If you know anyone who has just recently had a baby I'm sure they'd love to have a few days or a week alone to catch their breath so to speak. Keep us posted on what you decide. Sincerely, Elva
   — Elva C.

August 5, 2002
I am the original poster, and I thank everyone for their responses. I can always count on this site for words of wisdom when I am feeling confused. The right thing for us right now is to wait a while, and readdress it later. Thanks everyone!
   — [Deactivated Member]




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