Am I Crazy for Even Considering What I'm About to Discuss?

I am 2.5 years post-op. I have lost 172 lbs, but have been bouncing 5 lbs up and down this summer due to poor eating and exercise habits. I am still 25 lbs from my goal. I had abdominoplasty exactly one year ago tomorrow. It was appealed twice before I ever got it covered as medically necessary. I am still in need of additional reconstructive surgery, but it must come out of pocket, a decision made after retaining legal counsel to fight for medical necessity.<br><br>I just finished the last class of my doctoral program this month. I still have my dissertation to complete this fall, along with a couple of small projects, and have the opportunity to be on adjunct faculty, after interviewing at other institutions.<br><br>My boyfriend and I are discussing an engagement and marriage in the near future. This is SO EXCITING for me! He knew early in our relationship that my tubes were tied from complications (all related to being MO) from both pregnancies. I have two daughters, he has two daughters we see custodially.<br><br>My point is this...here lately, I have had baby blues something terrible! I don't know if it is in response to my baby entering kindergarten this fall, or wanting to fulfill a true desire to have another child. We have talked about it and he does want another child if it's possible. I have yet to discuss anything with my ob/gyn, but have a call in to him. My insurance carrier has told me a tubal reversal would not be covered. Neither would in vitro fertilization. So, we're talking about out of pocket cost here. An old college friend of mine just found out she's pregnant again and is due in December. Her children are 12 and 6, so it was quite a shock. I've felt envious of her. But, on the other hand, I'm selfish about it, too. I don't want to get MO again. I've seen myself bouncing up and down and it scares me that I will gain a bunch of weight, undoing my abdominoplasty, and cause the need for more reconstructive surgery later, <b>IF</b> I can lose the weight. I don't want to undo all the good I have done.<br><br>Is this just me wanting to conquer what I can't have? Is this just my response to my baby going to kindergarden? Is it me wanting to please my future husband? Is it truly a desire for another child? I am confused, and don't know what to think at this point. I am one of those people who want it all...I'd love to lose 25 more pounds, have all my reconstructive surgery, and a new baby to boot. Input greatly appreciated, especially from anyone who has undergone tubal reversal post-op and sucessfully gotten pregnant and delivered a healthy baby without significant weight gain. Thanks!

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