Question:
My husbands say's he'll still buy sweets!
I know it sounds silly but, I've got only 4 days till Surgery and my husband said today that he and the kids (who are all thin) will continue to buy groceries the same as he always has, chips, candy, soda, cookies, and will not stop buying desserts for the family, which is an after-dinner ritual! I've gained 130lbs. in our 5 years of marriage and he knows I can't go on like this. He's not against me having the Surgery, he just doesn't want it to affect his life at all! My husbands not a jerk, he's just set in his way's. Please, has anyone had a lack-of-support husband and still was able to have the will power to be a loser!! — Tambi B. (posted on May 19, 2002)
May 19, 2002
My suggestion to you, is to take "control" of this. Tell your
husband that you will provide the desserts for family. Many different ways
you can do this. Sugar Free Jello and Pudding ( all taste good wouldn't
know the difference) Last week i bought the individual size low fat graham
cracker crusts and made sugar free chocolate pudding it was a nice dessert
to have. Also Turkey Farm makes a no sugar added ice cream. Also very
yummy. I used to sit and be able to eat a gallon of ice cream in an
evening I have had that gallon in my freezer for two weeks and have had 5
scoops out of it. ( big change its only there for those emergency
cravings) Another idea is to make fruit parfaits with low fat cool whip.
There are healthy dessert ideas out there that you don't have to feel like
you are being "cheated" out of.
— Diane Rhoads
May 19, 2002
I'm not married, but still live at home with my parents. The kitchen
cabinets still have cookies (lots of them), chocolate, cake, chips. From
time time time there is ice cream or donuts. Prior to my surgery, I used to
talk about how it would be really unfair for them to bring that stuff in
the house. But, then I realized that I was the one who decided to have
this surgery, and despite the smaller stomach and the bypassed intestines,
I will still have to have serious self-control when it comes to eating, for
the rest of my life. I do my own food shopping and buy the things that I
need and pay little mind to whatever else is around. Ask your husband to
at least store the junk in ONE place. At least you'll know never to open
that cabinet door. It sounds silly, but it works for me. Then tell him
that you will be leaving the table before dessert to go do something nice
for youself therefore he'll have to do the dishes! :) So, to answer your
question: Yes, it is possible to have the will power to be a loser even in
the face of family members not caring about your food restrictions. Open
RNY 02/14/02, down 67.5 pounds. Best of luck to you, stay strong and enjoy
much success!
— PaulaM
May 19, 2002
I was a soda freak before the surgery. I told my family that after my
surgery it couldn't be in the house. I bought them juice, ice tea and
lemonade instead. As far as sweets, I just bought things I didn't like and
told them if they wanted something else they could have it while they were
out of the house.
— Helen C.
May 20, 2002
Because you choose to have this surgery is no reason to punish everyone
around you. Plus, your tastes change so drastically with the surgery, you
most likely won't even want any of those things. I am 5 months post open
DS and down 95 lbs. None of the cookies, chips, soda, ice cream etc. even
appeals to me now and I used to consume huge quantities of them. The few
times I have tried something, it has not lived up to my memory of it and I
haven't wanted it again. Good luck!
— grammie5
May 20, 2002
The thing is, "junk food" is just that... and while
he may want to eat "junk", you can make a stand that you
don't want this stuff in the house or eaten by your children.
I beg your pardon, but I think he is acting like an insensitive,
unsupportive and selfish person not to support you during
this very important and serious step. What is the message
there? Cookies are more important than you??? I sure don't
think so. The man I have been with for over twenty years
acted the same way. He was not used to me putting myself first
and I think it scared him not to feel "in control" of me.
Well, I put my foot down and told him this is the way it
was going to be and that was that. Don't mean to preach and
I'm sure like my mate, yours has many good qualities. But
don't forgive this so easily, it really isn't nice what he is
doing.
In spite of it, you will do well if that is what you want for
yourself. Take care, and for now, put yourself first. You
owe it to yourself.
Best wishes,
— Ann B.
May 20, 2002
I agree with all of the previous posters :), both the ones who feel he is
being selfish and the ones who feel he has a right to continue eating
"his way". My husband has continued to eat his nightime goodies
of chips, ice cream etc. It really doesn't bother me, I don't even desire
that kind of stuff anymore. You probably won't either. However, if it did
bother me, he would get the junk out of the house without a complaint. Your
husband's unsupportive attitude is the real problem, not the actual junk
food. "Set in his ways" describes alot of men(and women). He
likes his life as it is, so you having surgery, and the changes it will
bring scares him. You'll most likely need to make changes to your life
slowly. It sounds like he buys the groceries, but who does the cooking? If
it is you, you can make gradual changes in the way your family eats without
him even noticing. The kids are another matter, just because they are thin
now doesn't mean they will stay that way. Many of us were thin as children,
but the poor eating habits we learned caught up with us. Without putting
him down or pressuring him to change, I'd definitly start working on
converting the kids to a healthier diet.
— Bobbie B.
May 20, 2002
I'd suggest that you have your husband designate a special place for his
goodies where you will not have to look at them. Maybe a cupboard that
contains nothing else that you will need. If he wants high calorie treats,
he can buy them himself, put them away himself and prepare them himself.
He should at least be willing to do that much to help you. As for the
kids, I agree with the other posters, that you should make other snack
options available for them so that they can learn good eating habits now.
(I haven't had surgery yet, but I am going to start doing this for my thin
daughter right now.) I love the idea of preparing lower calorie deserts
for the whole family.
— Amber L.
May 20, 2002
First, he is your husband, and your actions WILL affect his life! That's
just a basic tenet of marriage. Any major life change by either of you
affects the other. I'd try to discuss it with him from the approach of
morbid obesity being a disease, you are fighting your disease, and need
unconditional support until you can get used to all the changes. If he
still won't agree, the last poster had a good idea about designating his
space for his treats. You won't be able to eat these kinds of high sugar
high fat items early on, but you will as a longer-term post-op, and your
choices will be critical to continue and/or maintain your loss. As for the
kids, dessert in my family is an every day thing. From the moment I had
surgery, I began offering my children yogurt, fruit, angel food cake,
substituting splenda for sugar in kool aid, tea, cakes, and cookies. There
are options available to you to make changes for the kids. Your husband
may like them, too. My boyfriend can't tell the difference in my
"sweet" tea. It takes a little effort, but the long-term
benefits to everyone far "outweigh" the alternative! Best of
luck to you!
— [Deactivated Member]
May 21, 2002
I would just make sure that you have sugar free alternatives to what they
are eating for dessert. We have this problem (both my wife and I have had
surgery) everytime we get together with extended family. They don't want to
give up their sugary deserts and treats. So we always take a sugar free
alternative. Homeade sugar free apple, blueberry or peach pie, (we canned
them last summer using sugar free recipies), sugar free fat free Frozen
yogurt or ice cream and so forth. We don't challenge them on their deserts
but just make sure we have something we can eat too. That way your not
feeling so deprived or tempted to eat something you shouldn't and others
won't feel so bad that they are eating some type of a treat and you aren't.
It has made desert time a non-issue and we have been surprised how many
want to "taste" the sugar free stuff and say how good it is. Good
Luck.
— Dell H.
May 21, 2002
I had surgery 6 weeks ago and my husband still eats his "snacky
cakes", damn Little Debbie!!! LOL I thought I would have a problem
with sweets in the house, but it hasn't really bothered me. I try to
encourage my husband to want to eat healthier, but it's not something he is
ready to commit to right now. So, I still buy him his cookies so he's happy
and I do what I need to do for me. I don't expect everyone I come in
contact with to change their eating habits just to accomodate me. I am
proud that when some one brings a huge plate of cookies into work that I
don't succumb to their ooey, gooey, chocolatey confections. I could never
do that before.....Hell, I would have eaten half the plate!!! LOL But
somehow, I can just keep walking on by and it just amazes me!! I am sure
that you and your family can come to some kind of arangement that will work
for all of you.
— bevewy
May 21, 2002
Hon, it's not the fact that he wants to keep eating those things but the
fact that he has already stated, before surgery, that in some ways he will
be non-supportive of you. I know you said that he is just "set in his
ways" but I can honestly tell you that this can only get worse with
time and you will resent him for doing this to you. I would sincerely seek
counceling before surgery just so you both know where each other stands.
As for the craving of the sweets, well, hmmm after 3 years my cravings
have been as follows...string beans, zucchini, and lots of steak. The
sweets sound disgusting to me now. I do remember though, that at about 1-2
months out, I craved everything. It was NOT a physical craving but
basically, a mourning of what i couldn't and shouldn't have. This too,
passes.
I really think that your hubby keeping the sweets around is his way of
keeping the control in the family subconciously. Talk to a counselor..it
can't hurt. Hugs
— Barbara H.
May 22, 2002
My husband is very supportive of my surgery. But I would never ask him to
give up things he loves to eat (he doesn't have a weight problem). I am the
one with the problem and I can't expect anyone to change for me. But in the
3 months since my surgery I have noticed that my husband has been
"subconsciencly" giving up certain foods. He hasn't even
mentioned he was trying to, I just notice that we don't buy soda and chips
and ice cream anymore! You may notice that when you eat healthy the rest of
the house may follow. Even if it is just a slight change. Good Luck.
Melissa
— M. S.
May 22, 2002
If you are like me, the junk food and sweets won't appeal to you. My 18
year old son keeps stuff in the house all the time and I have no desire to
eat it. Before surgery, I drank between 40 and 80 ounces of Classic Coke a
day; now, I don't even think about carbonated beverages - they just don't
appeal to me. If you are having RNY, your physiology will change and you
won't necessarily like the things you used to like.
Now when I want a snack, I eat jerky, peanut butter or nuts. They are all
high in protein and approved by my doctor. My surgery was not quite 6
months ago and I'm sure there will be a day when I'll want a dessert. But
there are wonderful, sugar free, low fat products to be had and they are
good. I adore sugar free popscicles (and so does my son). I also find now
that for the most part I eat because I need a meal.
You really can't expect the world to change because you have make a choice
to change your life for the better. I know you feel like he's not being
supportive, but in a way, it might be good, because you won't be able to
avoid the no-no's forever.
If you are worried about desserts, go the the Splenda website - they have
some wonderful recipes and since you will be able to eat only a tiny
amount, they probably won't hurt you after you are well-established. In
the meantime, when your family is eating dessert, have some sugar-free
pudding or yogurt. It's good for you and tastes good too.
By the way, at 5 months, 1 week post-op, I had lost 100 pounds. And
there's not amount of food or drink that could ever make me want that 100
pounds back. This is definitely the best thing I have ever done for
myself.
— Patty_Butler
May 22, 2002
Well I STILL have problems batteling my cravings for sweets and since I
don't dump on much if anything I succumb to them every once in a while. I
am 13 months post op and down 111# and still loosing slowly I have 34# to
goal. Just having the things in the house tempts me. My husband is
terribly supportive and says that there are healthier alternatives for the
ENTIRE family. The kids DO NOT need the junk. We have sugar free jello
with fruit and fat free cool whip. Chocolate moose (SF pudding mixed with
cool whip). And the ocassional real cookie or even the no sugar added ice
cream. Oh and let's not forget my favorite.... SNOW CONES! They have
wonderful no carb syrups at hawaiianshavedice.com. But dessert isn't and
really never has been a nightly thing but an occasional treat. And for
snacks... WOW chips are great! Try and convince him to change for
everyones health. The last thing you want is for your children to battle
with weight as well.
— Virginia N.
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