Question:
How do you deal with the sudden attention from the opposite sex?
I'm about 9mos post-op and -110lbs. I've noticed something weird lately: I've been getting a lot of attention from men lately-at least 3 men whom I've known when I was 300+ pounds have suddenly (and blatantly) started hitting on me. I don't know what to make of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm HAPPILY married. It's very strange though -when I was younger, it was my dream to have guys desire me instead of my thinner, more attractive friends, but now while it's flattering, it's also terrifying. I don't know. I'd just appreciate any feedback you could give me. Thanks and God bless us all... — 5yrsout (posted on December 4, 2001)
December 4, 2001
I saw a good shrink :) Made a world of difference.
— jammie B.
December 4, 2001
I'm very close to the 100 pounds lost mark and I've noticed a lot of
attention from men now, and it is very flattering. I'm also married and I
wouldn't dream of cheating on the man who married me with the pounds and
stood beside me through it all, but I do find myself blushing and paying
more attention to my appearances. I like the attention, and sometimes I'm
afraid of maybe leading someone on (I tell everyone I'm married, yet I will
talk to other men.) I'm glad you post this cause I need the same advice.
— Tammy W.
December 4, 2001
Well, I am single, and loving every minute of it. I'm seeing about 4
different men right now - all casually. Just keep your head on straight
and realize people will tell you anything to get what they want. Don't let
words and lust turn you upside down, value yourself first, and your morals,
and you'll be fine.
— [Anonymous]
December 4, 2001
It is a bit disconcerting at first. When it started happening
to me, I remember thinking "What's up with this guy, why is he
talking
to me?" Then I advanced to the suspicious stage, in which I thought
these guys who were noticing me had to be "weirdos". I even
mentioned it
to my sister. I'm glad I did because she's the one who told he how
"hot"
looking I was with my new look and my smaller body. When I lost weight, I
went all the way....new hair style, new makeup, nails, scads of trendy
jewelry,
...the whole nine yards. I was doing it for me...I never imagined that I'd
become
a "guy magnet". Now, I just enjoy the attention. The funny
thing is I'm still far
from thin, I'm a size 16/18. Imaagine if I was a size 10!!!!
— [Anonymous]
December 4, 2001
I am so glad that you posted this question. I thought that I had been the
only weird one in the bunch. At about 6 months or so, after having lost
100 pounds, I too felt really vulnerable around others, and especially when
they would pay attention to me. As stated in my profile, I believe I hid
behind my weight to keep other's away from me(i have always been extremely
shy). Then suddenly, people started looking my way. At first it was really
scary for me. Then I began to feel a desperate need to connect with others,
as I had missed this aspect all of these years. , and now finally, for the
first time in my life, I feel confidence, and it does not bother me(well,
ok, sometimes it bothers me....because I wonder if the person is looking at
me because I am weird, or because I am attractive....)when others look at
me, in fact, I kind of like it.
— twenc
December 4, 2001
Get used to it. Men will continue to hit on you but just remember that when
you were 300lbs these guys didn't give you the time of day. Just because
you are thinner now doesn't mean you have to put up with them hitting on
you. It's your time to turn the tables on them and NOT give them the time
of day. Of course, we women can do it in a nice way, whereas men avoid all
contact, or conversation with an overweight women. You don't owe them
nothing and therefore why stand there eating it up? You know you look good
and you got nothing to prove to them. After awhile it won't be a big deal
to you anymore. Best of Luck to you!!!
— [Anonymous]
December 4, 2001
I'm with the last poster.
— Danmark
December 5, 2001
Revel in it!! I LOVE the looks and the attention. It IS scary but, in
such an oh so good way!
— Melissa S.
December 24, 2001
I have noticed that too that a lot of men seem to \'eat\' me up with their
eyes and frankly it makes me angry!! I wasn\'t good enough for them when I
was heavier but now all of a sudden I am?! So, I just turned my head when I
get the winks and smiles, trying to get past this anger is taking some
effort. I want to shout at them that they are so superficial!!!!
— Dawn H.
January 11, 2002
I'm just now getting a taste of this and I thought it would make me mad but
that's just silly. I'm sorry but we're all biologically prone to check
out/be attracted to people who are attractive or have a healthy body
weight, etc. I'm sure none of us have ever checked out people just because
they were good looking, right? Get over it. I was not only less attractive
at 325 lbs. but I had a bad attitude as well. The changes in both have
created this new "attention". These men aren't trying to be
creeps, they think you're looking good. You don't have to tolerate someone
acting out of line, but someone giving you some attention because you're an
attractive, and probably happier person, isn't a crime, it's a compliment.
— [Anonymous]
January 7, 2003
I'm 5 months post op...90#'s gone...in addition to the 180lbs I lost when
my husband walked out :o)....it was tough at first...but now I'm much
happier and praise God it's raining men...enjoy it honey, it's our turn!
LG
— sanicola
April 5, 2003
I have noticied the same thing and it is uncomfortable. I just make it a
joke.
— Regina H.
September 18, 2003
I have lost 121lbs, and its happening to me too! I love it. I cannot get
enough! It gives me that extra boost to keep going and never stop. I take
flirting as a compliment men find me attractive!!!WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! Andi
— andi K.
September 28, 2003
It is completely natural for a man to get excited when they see a sexy
confident woman.This is what we have become,and for some of us it is a
totally new experience.Personally,I enjoy being desired,I love male
attention.I have waited and dreamed of the moment a man would look at me
and want me,so revel in it.The other side is,well I wasn't good enough when
I was fat,so screw them.If you think about it,were we really in the
mindframe to get the positive attention? Probably not,not to mention we
were unhealthy.Don't think of it as a bad thing,enjoy it.It is a long
deserved emotion.Just don't forget,you are also more susceptible to having
a broken heart.You changed,men did not.
— Michelle W.
September 28, 2003
I have so many issues with this. Since I've gotten "thin"
(though I still don't see myself that way) I have heard the words
"you're beautiful" a number of times...believe me, I am not
bragging when I say this, because at times it has made me extremely
uncomfortable. And it seems every guy at work is hitting on me which is
another trauma, because I recently got badly burned on that one. Plus I am
from Texas, where we are trained to be "niiice", y'know. And
it's hard for me to blow someone off. I need to have enough esteem to find
someone with whom I have a mutual attraction, y'know, not just
"settle". But really all I want is to find a nice guy (or guys
to date), find the love of my life (and maybe make babies before I am too
old). But I and am not having much luck in that arena. Here's the bottom
line - before I could blame my lack of luck in love on my extra
poundage...and now, that's not the case. So it must be ME...how depressing
is that? But at least I am in the game, and that beats never even being
considered before. Just brings along with it a whole new set of issues.
— rebeccamayhew
August 16, 2005
Hi
I just go with it.I am loving the attention I am getting and it's about
time...steve
— SteveApril45
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