Question:
Getting scared as surgery gets closer and also from visiting memorial page!

As my surgery date is getting closer and closer for my Lap RYN, I am getting more afraid and starting to question if I am doing the right thing. I went to the memorial page on this site which was probably a mistake cause now I am even more afraid. I don't want to die! Is this normal to feel like this and what can I do to help not panic so much? I am really starting to think about not going through with this, can someone please help? — Nicole F. (posted on November 28, 2001)

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November 28, 2001
Hi! I do know how you feel. I am pre-op and have done so much research on this surgery to make sure I was well informed. I too visit the Memorial page and it is scary. But I look also at the message board, at the Q&A area and see that far more survive to go on to a healthier and happier life that has a stronger quality of daily living. I am told that the stats show fewer than 1% die or have serious complications but just hearing about one can make you anxious. My suggestion is to read everything you can, ask a million questions, be sure you trust in your doctor and his expertise with this surgery, look at the follow up care and counsel that is there post-surgery and look too at what you feel will be in your positive future. Then, take care of your body now pre-surgery to make sure you are healthy going in, have clearances where health problems exist, and begin making healthy food choices now pre-surgery. When we do all we can to make something succeed it tends to remove fear which is usually from the unknown. Best wishes as you go forward toward a healthier YOU. Andrea
— AJC750

November 28, 2001
If you reread the memorial page (becuase i had the same fears you had!!) MANY of the people who have passed on did not do so as a result of the surgery, but either pre-exsisting conditions or things that had happened to them several years later. I know this might sound VERY morbid, but that helped to put my mind at ease a little bit. Don't forget, less than 1% mortality rate for any major surgery.
— [Anonymous]

November 28, 2001
Everyone has these feeling. Maybe you shouldn't visit the memorial page again until after surgery. Focus on things that improve your chances, like walking everyday, each little bit helps, watch what you put in your body, healthy food, no herbs before surgery, (my dr told me this could have problems with any medication) like teas and supplements. No medications in system. Then when you go in you know you have given it a real effort, this will ease your mind. I made up my mind to get out of bed asap after surgery to help circulation and avoid clots. I pushed my IV pole 4 times around that hall with a bum wheel, (I always get that one in the grocery store too,lol) I joined a gym and had barely gotten able to do any thing before surgery, but the last workout, I was able to do it with more ease, and I knew I had made improvements in just that week. I am 6 weeks post-op and lost 32 pounds. You make it easier on yourself, call it a gift. Best of luck and warm wishes. Lisa
— Lisa J.

November 28, 2001
I'm 3 weeks post op and had the same fears as you. However, everything went VERY smoothly and I was out of the hospital in a couple of days. You'll do fine and it's very normal to be scared. Just start planning now for your future and all the things that you'll be able to have after the surgery.
— Patty H.

November 28, 2001
Hi Nicole, I am post op as well and I did the same thing! I read the memorial page and I went to a site that is Anti-surgery for weight loss. After that I decided I was not going to do this. But then I started emailing people from this site and people that had surgery by the same doctor. I also asked the doctor how many of HIS patients died directly or indirectly related to this surgery. He got very serious and told me 2 had and what was the cause. He does 400 surgeries a year like mine. So I figure odds are in my favor. Also, as one person pointed out, if you go into this with a positive attitude, determination, and support from friends or people from this site, you will be successful. Good luck and please let me know how you do with this.
— Marcia M.

November 28, 2001
go to the page that lists people by your state..you will see there are very few "angels" by thier names... My surgeon told me death is about as likely as Bill Clinton Becoming celebate so i think ive got a grand chance
— Jackiis

November 28, 2001
Nicole...WOW, can I relate! My surg is Jan 15, 2002, and although I am sure it's the right choice for me, I sometimes get really overwhelmed by all the information on this and other sites. What has been really helpful for me is connecting with REAL post-op patients who have made it through. The support groups are very helpful in that respect. I think is is healthy to fear this surgery a little, it shows that you are aware of the risks. But, the more people I talk to, the more POSITIVE stories I hear. Oddly, even other doctors (non-bariatric) that I have shared with, have all had POSITIVE things to say about patients they know that have had RNY. That was a shock to me, as we all know, not all Docs are pro WLS. I hope you can access a support group in your area! Anyway, I wish you the best, take care! Michelle
— Michelle P.

November 28, 2001
Nicole, I am one of those people that had no fear or apprehension at all about the surgery. However...I did almost die from my surgery. My surgeon messed me up sooo bad that other physicians had to be brought in to intervene and they really thought I would not make it. They sent me out of town to the nearest trauma center for 4 more surgeries. My surgery was 6-13-01 and I had to spend 4 mths in the hosp. I am home now but still recovering with a huge open cavity in my abdomen. Cannot go back to work until June of 2002. My insides are still not connected so I cannot eat normally. I have one more big surgery coming up in the Spring to finally repair the original damage. I still advocate the surgery, I believe it helps so many people. I still feel numb the realization that this even happened to me at all. The statistics are very low that this would happen to anyone...however I was one of those statistics. If I could do it over would I? Yes...but I would spend much more time on choosing the right surgeon. My surgeon was very new, I was only his 12th patient. So I believe that is where the problem was. Please make sure you know your surgeons success rates. Hope this helps.
— Karla K.

November 28, 2001
Pre op I looked at what my life would be like WITHOUT surgery, and it truly was a short very sick existence. Diabetes was ruining my body. So I figured its better to give surgery a chance, and I am so glad I did. I fully expected to die during surgery and was shocked to wake up in recovery. My profile talks of this. I must admit I have the SAME concerns for my wife Jen whos surgery is December 10th. I hope and pray for the best, but truly health wise she has no choice but surgery either. Her life is being ruined by her weight. Its tough but MOST turn out great, and VERY few die from complications. OUR job is to be the best post ops we can. Drinking enough fluids, eating enough protein, and getting moving from the day of surgery. Its best to be a alert post op, demanding attention to ANYTHING that seems strange. Let the surgeon decide if its nerves or something serious, thats THEIR job. Such watchfulness can save your life. Surgeons partner with us so our success is their success. I worked hard to be a INFORMED patient, and am known at the support group meetings as the one who asked the most questions ever. Now once we do ALL that then faith in God helps. Your concern is normal, just try not to let it consume you. DEFINETELY attend your local support group meetings, they help so much.
— bob-haller

November 28, 2001
Nicole, like you I was so scared. I'm now 3mos out and so glad I did it. You know what I did , I PRAYED, PRAYED and PRAYED some more. I asked God to help me make the right choice. I have a child and didn't want something I did to make her motherless. But the way I was going, being sick, out of breath, back, knee and ankle aches, asthma and feeling worthless, I figured what kind of life could I give her it I wasn't healthy and happy. I was in the operating room waiting to enter the surgery room and I closed my eyes, when I opened them I saw the anesthia doctor waiting for me to finish praying. He said I didn't want to bother you I saw your mouth moving saw I figured you were praying. That kind doctor put his hand on my hand and said "If you want to pray then go ahead because I pray everytime I'm with my patient." In other words Jesus will be in that room with you quiding those doctors hand. Just pray. May God bless and go fourth girlfriend to a wonderful new life.
— blank first name B.

November 28, 2001
Hello Nicole, I too read the memorial page, and was very upset and depressed about it. The only difference is that I read it 5 days post op. Talk about freaking out. But if you reread the page, you will see that some of the people died Before the surgery. That tells you one thing, Obesity can kill you! You have to weigh both sides of the coin, yes there are complications with ANY surgery, but what complications do you have now? Or will have in the future from your weight. People are dying left and right from being obese. My father who is 52, has had many heart attacks, and I always thought it was from him smoking, yes that added to it, but his doctor said that obesity puts more strain on the heart then anything outside that you can do to yourself? He is obese. He is living on one artery, and will more then likely die before this summer. You don't want to end up like that. The death rate from this surgery is very low. How many members on are on this site? Thousands.... How many are on that page, not a whole lot. Don't base your decision on that page. Consult your surgeon, he should be able to tell you if he feels your a safe candidate. I wish you the best in any decision that you make.
— [Anonymous]

November 28, 2001
Hi, I can relate to what you are feeling as I am to feeling nervous and scared but I also look to the positive side of this as well...I beleive that when its your time honey no matter where you are or what you are doing then it will be. I am pre op infact i have 2 weeks and 6 days left till my surgery date (dec 18th)... think positive!
— Deanna Wise

November 28, 2001
What is the memorial page? I've looked around and don't see any such page??? Sorry, but now I'm curious.
— Danmark

November 28, 2001
ur question prompted me to find the memorial page & read it. daniel, if u go to the home page & scroll down u will see it as a link on the left hand side. i read thru everyone of them & yes it saddened me greatly but i did notice that at least half of these ppl died of their morbid obesity while waiting for approval or had such severe co-morbids that the effects of the anesthesia and/or trauma of the surgery was too much for their bodies to bear. i keep telling my honey...remember, if anything happens to me, it was my CHOICE to have this surgery to get healthy cause i know if i dont i will die too early anyway. if its my time to go its my time to go. u cant question the ways of god. of course he turns me off thru this statement but he knows i am right. i am flying to florida this weekend to see my three children before my surgery on dec 11 as the 2 boys have new jobs & cant come to las vegas for my surgery & my daughter is 7 mos pregnant (high risk) & is forbidden to travel. i want to see them once more in case, god forbid, i dont survive the surgery, so that i can tell them how much i love & adore each of them, how proud of them i am & yes to also tell them what i keep telling hubby...this is MY choice because its MY life. quite honestly, with the state of affairs our country is in these days, i am taking my life in my hands just getting on that red eye tomorrow nite! if something happens going or coming, wont that, too, be god's way?
— sheryl titone

November 29, 2001
Hi there, I got to a certain point before my surgery and had to stop reading the memorial page. Yes some people have complications and this surgery is not without risks but so is everything else in life. Once you make the decision to have the surgery don't look back! Think positive relax and stop reading the memorial page!
— Beth F.

November 30, 2001
Honey i did the same thing, i cried thinking i was going to die, now I am 9 days post and alive, you will be fine, don't worry, make sure u have someone at home helping you for the first 4-5 days. Good luck
— Sheila E.

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