January 6, 2009

Jan 07, 2009

Well, it is almost a month out...and I still feel a little tired with getting back to work, but life seems to be getting somewhat back to normal....and it is a large sigh of relief! ~ I'm still bummed and a little sick to my stomach thinking about the complications I had, but I'm glad they are behind me and I seem to be progressing well and NORMAL now ~ 

I had some new things happen in the last day and a half that made me stop and think! 

Yesterday, I had a meeting to go to, and on the way in another lady and I who love to harass each other (she is better at it then I am ~ lol) on a serious note stated how pretty I was after someone commented about a necklace I was wearing.  I didn't know what to say....it was like the world stopped and suddenly I heard my head yelling "When the hell was the last time you have EVER heard those words?"  I was speechless, but muttered a thank you with a smile.   I thought about it for quite some time and felt...ok....finally my body is starting to shape back into what my mind has always mentally seen myself as from the inside! ~

Then today....I walked into my closet and decided to be brave and wear a little smaller knit shirt, that wasn't snug, but shadowed my outline.  I felt my lumps were starting to move a little bit enough that some of my other clothes were starting to look baggy....so, I tried to have the guts to wear it yesterday and decided against it, then decided....gotta try it....better now then never, I'm tired of hiding myself....so

I walked into work, took off my jacket, and set it down and started walking to my desk.  My boss was standing up at his desk and stared at me after I set my jacket down, and his eyebrow went up and he blurted out, "My gosh Mel, your getting to be a shadow of yourself!"  I started laughing and sincerely thanked him and sat down.  Of course, I work with mostly men, so they started questioning what he said ~ kind of like "What did you say?" ~ lol,   My boss is truly hysterical, because he is cutely one of those that has no filter between his thoughts and what comes out his mouth at times.  I didn't share with many of my co-workers what I had done as far as surgery, but he knew, and it felt great that he commented, it was no where near harassment or out of line, just a true honest un-edited version of what he thought!  I'm glad I shared with him now about what I was having done....he has been a great support I didn't expect!

Then a little later, another co-worker and I were working over the phone and asked my to a party on Friday night....
so I must be starting to feel good about myself and shining a little brighter....

Then a little later one of my other girlfriend co-workers walked past me and said what I thought was "alright miss baggy pants, its time to get some new ones"  I wasn't really sure what she said, because after I heard the alright miss baggy pants comment I started laughing so hard, I couldn't confirm the rest that was said.  It was said so under her breath it was hysterical!


I'm finding that I'm happier now that my head and body are starting to match, what I feel I am.  I have felt SO out of congruency with myself for the last 7 years, that it feels good to melt away.  I always have felt like the chubby caterpiller in the movie a bugs life....starts out really chubby / rolly polly, then turns into a beautiful butterfly.... I know I've got more to go, but atleast the process has started, I'm reclaiming my health and getting the extra benefit of the weightloss!

Anyway, enough for today, I need to get to bed I'm SO tired with working full time again, that I'm draggin myself through the day....but I think that is a good thing now!

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